What is Disney Screwing up Now?

What is Disney Screwing up Now?

Well, I hardly know where to begin.

So, I’ll start with the parks.

Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party is a big tradition at Disney World.  It is a ticketed event, meaning you have to pay extra to attend.  Trick or Treating is going on all over the park. A standup comedian is doing her set dressed as a ghost at the Haunted Mansion.  There is a party exclusive show inside Space Mountain. Other special events are all over the park that night, unique ice cream flavors from Auntie Gravity’s Galactic Goodies right next to Cosmic Ray’s. Deserts like the Dirt and Worms at Pecos Bills, Spiderweb Cupcakes and so on.

The Sanderson Sisters do a live show at the castle.

It takes place at the Magic Kingdom and starts at sundown with the Boo to You Parade of Disney Villains, it is kicked off by the Galloping Ride of the Headless of Horseman, or be more accurate the Stately Slow Canter of the Headless Horsemen.    Apparently even undead equestrian revenants are terrified of Disney lawyers.  The parade proceeds with Halloween floats that aren’t used any other time and its highlight is the Grave Digger’s Waltz. 

A special firework show, caps off the whole thing.

And this year, they won’t be doing any of that.  Because of the massive layoffs that were made back in December, Disney World doesn’t have anywhere near enough people to do the Not So Scarry. There will be no fireworks show and some idiot fired the choreographer for the Grave Digger’s Waltz.  Nobody else knows the steps for it and she won’t come back. 

Consequently, Disney World is doing a super cheap, stripped down version called The Boo Bash.  As far as I can tell it’s just food and Trick or Treating.  Given how Cheapek this year’s party is, expect the Trick or Treating to be Loser Candy.

“Anyway, it is a ticketed event, that means they have to sell tickets.  That’s where the screw up happened.

According to the official Boo Bash Page to order tickets one simply has to call (407) 939-4240.

Easier said than done.

Some suggest alternating between the dedicated Boo Bash line and the Disney World customer service line at (407) 939-5277.

Both phone lines have been slammed since before 7 a.m., and it would seem that even if you mange to get through, you’re still looking at a several hour wait.”

And then you got to find out that tickets hadn’t actually been loaded into the system.  So, there were no tickets.

Well played Mickey. Well played.

NEXT

There is going to be Beauty and the Beast prequel.  I’ll wait for you stop laughing…

Finished yet?  Good.  

It’s going to be a mini-series on Disney +.  It follows the heartwarming adventures of Gaston, LeFou, and LeFou’s Stunning and Brave, Diverse Woman of Color stepsister or half-sister.  The producer is under the bizarre impression that people care about how Gaston and LeFou became best friends. 

No. One. Cares. About. That.

Speaking as a professional writer, prequels are always a shitty idea.  At best you are telling people a story they already know.  People only thought they wanted to know the story of how Anakin fell to the Dark Side, but the truth was you knew all the major events of that story.  The Jedi would be wiped out, Pimp Daddy Palpatine would emperor, Padme would croak and Yoda would end up in a swamp. But the thing about this show is that there was never any interest at all in GasFou’s origin story.   If there was any potential audience engagement in the first place it didn’t revolve around LeFou’s SaBDWoC stepsister being better at everything than Gaston.  

Normally the point and purpose of something like this is to humiliate the Alpha Male but that was already taken care of in Beauty and Beast.  Emma Watson fulfilled that mission.  Also, GASTON DIED.  He was a jerk and now he’s dead, we know where his road leads and it goes to Disney Villain Hell.  Hades is roasting him on a skewer next to Cruella and Maleficent, occasionally testing for doneness with a fork. Who cares how he got there?

Upside, Emma Watson has not been signed to reprise smug, self-satisfied, uber-feminist Belle.  Emma Watson is a garbage-tier actress, who honestly seems to believe she’s as talented as her press releases say she is.  The only reason people were under the impression she could act was because around 2005 J.K. Rowling started altering Hermione to more closely resemble Watson.  She is only good at playing herself and frankly, she isn’t really all that competent at that.  I can think of four actresses off the top of my head that would be better at playing Emma Watson than Emma Watson is.

LAST

Loki

After I watched the first episode, I was trying to decide whether I liked it.

As a general rule of thumb, if you have to put any amount of effort into determining if you liked something then you almost certainly don’t. I think I was determined to give it a chance because I like the character, but the last episode was five percent action and ninety percent filler.  

For that matter the first episode was mostly an exposition dump.  WandaVision was largely the same and so was Falcon and the Winter Solider. 

I have come to the conclusion that all of these Marvel TV shows were originally pitched as movies. I am absolutely certain of it. 

Producer Guy: So, you have movie for me?

Writer Guy: Yes, sir I do.

Producer Guy: Tough shit!  I need a mini-series for Disney Plus.

Writer Guy: How many hours do you need sir?

Producer Guy: Either five hours’ worth or ten half hours’ worth.

Writer Guy:  Do you mind if they just sit and talk?

Producer Guy: Sitting and talking is tight!

Writer Guy:  I can also throw in some pointless red herrings, no extra charge.

Producer Guy: Sounds good, I love plot threads that lead to nothing. 

Writer Guy: Now, some of my ideas my destroy the entire MCU continuity.

Producer Guy:  That doesn’t matter since I’ll ignore anything that happens on these cable shows.  The movies are the only things that count.

Writer Guy: oh…

Producer Guy: You’ll get paid.

Writer Guy: Getting paid is tight!

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Comments (10)

  • Fozzy Bear Reply

    Since this isn’t the first time, I have to ask: Is our Dark Herald Ryan George, or does he just enjoy channeling him? Either way, the impression is spot-on, even down to the catch-phrases. Catch-phrases are tight! Yeah they are!

    June 18, 2021 at 3:27 am
  • doug whiddon Reply

    “What is Disney Screwing up Now?”

    Everything it touches?

    I kinda liked the first 2 episodes of Loki. The “big” reveal which was no surprise what so ever came as no surprise what so ever.

    June 18, 2021 at 4:56 am
  • EXALT Reply

    “prequels are always a shitty idea. At best you are telling people a story they already know.”
    Which is why they are full of bulls**t revelations desperately trying to convince the audience they’re not wasting their time – you know, stuff like “Anakin fell to the Dark Side because he was just too much in love with his wife and he was also the Chosen One or something”.
    “Hades is roasting him on a skewer next to Cruella and Maleficent”
    Maleficent is actually a hero now, according to the live-action movies’ canon; possibly Cruella as well, but I’m too lazy to check.
    “I can think of four actresses off the top of my head that would be better at playing Emma Watson than Emma Watson is.”
    This is probably the best insult of an actor I’ve ever seen in my life.
    “That doesn’t matter since I’ll ignore anything that happens on these cable shows. The movies are the only things that count.”
    Hey! How would you have learnt the origin of Scarlet Witch’s new costume without Wandavision?

    June 18, 2021 at 8:16 am
  • Terry Reply

    You left out the wow, wow, wow. And you failed to notice that, for Disney, screwing up their properties is super easy, barely an inconvenience.

    June 18, 2021 at 10:39 am
    • Gail Finke Reply

      Came here to make that comment!

      June 18, 2021 at 1:31 pm
  • Chief_Tuscaloosa Reply

    I cannot believe the hand of the Almighty himself is not involved in this: CALL a PHONE number and wait on hold before DIS is willing to take your money?! Because buying tickets online hasn’t been invented yet?! And the website is telling people to call and wait on hold only to be told you waited on hold for nothing?

    And hearing the choreographer is unwilling to come back is just the icing on this schadenfreude cake.

    Dark Herald, thank you. For someone who hates Disney (a wholly-owned subsidiary of Lucifer LLC) as much as I do, these posts are uplifting beyond description.

    June 18, 2021 at 4:03 pm
  • Wazdaka Reply

    I’ll take watching small world burn for jollies
    Shrek got that right

    June 18, 2021 at 9:28 pm
    • Chris Lopes Reply

      The CIA considered using that song for interrogating suspected terrorists, but concluded water boarding was more humane.

      June 19, 2021 at 5:43 pm
  • Talos Valcoran Reply

    Disney: *closes park, mass layoffs of park employees*

    — 18 Months Later —

    Disney: *reopens parks…* Oh…

    joker_yougetwhatyoudeserve.jpeg

    June 19, 2021 at 2:05 am
  • Darren Reply

    Great as always DH.

    Especially enjoyed your little chat between Writer and Producer.

    Because lately I’ve been watching far too many of the Ryan George “Pitch Meeting” sketches. Sounds time consuming, right? Actually, it’s been super easy, barely an inconvenience…

    June 22, 2021 at 5:54 pm

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