And Now For Something Completely ExpectedThe Dark Herald
Lesbian-wheelchair-Spider…man(?). Or is it Spider-Wheelchair-Gay-Woman? Or SpiderTransMasculineFemale?
Oh, who the fuck can knows? They sure don’t!
I honestly, thought somebody was goofing on the fabulous Gay Spiderman but no, zhe’s real alright.
Zhe swings into action with her wheelchair webbed to zhr back, (I’m using English language pronouns from here on *out). And her web shoots from her walker crutches instead of her wrists because webs can be empowered too.
The creator of this Woke Frankenstein’s Monster of a Spider-Man is, naturally, a Woke Doctor Frankenstein herself. Ty Franklin proudly declaims herself to be a queer autistic black person, she also works on Harley Quinn. Yeah, I figured.
Apparently, this new hero is called Sun-Spider and her real name is Charlotte Webber (gag).
I can’t wait to read her origin story. Born of two single mothers in Portland, Charlotte was tragically made wheelchair-empowered at the age of nine when her spine was damaged by time-traveling Alt-Right Nazis from 2040 CE. They were trying to prevent her from becoming the first non-binary lesbian president of the United City States of North Mexico.
Charlotte now works as a part-time barista, part-time specialty fetish cam-whore, and full-time activist. She repels the male gaze without trying, (when she isn’t at work). And lets you know upfront with her proud pride colors that you don’t have a chance with her if you are a man, (that said, come see me at Masterblatant, where you won’t believe what I can do with my crutches).
All Spider Persons need a tragedy that drives them forward. It’s not the wheelchair, (being empowered is never tragic), no, in Charlotte’s case it’s her heartbreak over Gwen Stacy. They had one night, (when they were college roommates), of the grandest passion imaginable. Gwen chose to deny her true self afterward insisting that it was merely “the worst mistake of my life” or “it was a college experiment that failed, get over it,” and, “what did you put in my drink?”
Charlotte must watch in heartbreak as Secret Lesbi-Gwen marries a man.
Secret Lesbi-Gwen thinks he’s Bi-Latinx of color but look at his hair! It’s too neat and too straight. That means he’s straight! He’s a Straight White Hispanic. And from that look on his face, he’s going to actually enjoy having sex with her Gwen. He’s going to defile her pure secret lesbian temple with his Straight White Hispanic… I can’t keep doing this.
I just can’t.
Okay, I’m done here.
*Also, her pronouns are They/Them and I will make no effort to change the ones I wrote.
UPDATE: Youngest Dark Spawn who is into gymnastics wants to know how Charlotte Webber is supposed to do all the Spider-man gymnastics with legs that don’t work? There is a reason you don’t see too many paraplegics on the parallel bars. You really do need legs for gymnastics of any kind.
Oh, and landing. As it is, Charlotte has to faceplant each and every time she lands.