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Scarlett Johansson Sues Mickey the Great and Terrible or ScarJo Didn’t Kill Herself

Another casualty of Disney’s release strategy for Black Widow was Scarlett Johansson’s paycheck.    The upfront money is good but the place a headliner like Johansson really cleans up is the back-end theatrical deal. Let’s take a look at a recent example of what this potentially looks like.   Gal Gadot was starting to make quite the stink over Wonder Woman 1984 being released exclusively on HBOmax.  Because of the same thing Scarlett’s mad about.  Gal was being deprived of the backend theatrical cut that...

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Blogs and Ends: The Hump Day Trailer Dump

I tried to find trailers for three movies I want to see this year.  I could only find two. FIRST Ghostbusters: Afterlife Please don’t screw this up guys.  Pretty please with lots and lots of sugar on top? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y7V1Wf0Xuc The rumors appear to be true, and Bill Murrey will have at least a cameo.  That is a little surprising given how much he hated being in the reboot.  The leaked Sony emails show that they forced him into making that one with the threat of a lawsuit.  Possibly, he...

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HARDDRIVE-BY: Subnautica Below Zero

It is impossible to examine this game by itself.  It has to be held up to the mirror of its predecessor; Subnautica. Subnautica Below Zero has been out on Beta for years but it was finally officially released in May of this year by Unknown Worlds.  Unknown is now a subsidiary of Perfect World, a Chinese media company.  Just so you know where your money is going if you buy this. Subnautica was a horror game disguised as a survival game.  Below Zero tries for...

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He-Man and Bonfire of the Vanities

Mattel appears to be extremely unhappy with Kevin Smith. The toy sales for the Master of the Universe Revelation are reportedly non-existent.  Whatever brand manager at Mattel who had the ingenuous notion of hiring professional nerd-whore Kevin Smith to helm the Netflix He-Man mini-series has cleaned out his desk by now. The new guy is clearly leaning on Kevin.  Kevin Smith’s immediate stream after Revelation was launched had him bellowing joyfully about having killed He-Man TWICE.  And how proud he was to...

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Drinker Watches the Teela Show for Us All

Which is good because I wasn't taking that bullet for you guys. Honestly, I don't give a fuck about He-Man. There are basically two types of Gen-Xer. The Prince Gen-Xer and the Micheal Jackson Gen-Xer. It was an inter-generational thing depending on your age.* He-Man was for the Michael Jackson portion of the Real Greatest Generation. I don't have a dog in this fight which not to say I have no stake in it at all. Everything...

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Kevin Smith’s Career Stain

It’s over for Kevin Smith. He’s completed his decent into pop-culture irrelevance.  Far from generating buzz for his Masters of the Universe Revelation series, he has sucked the air out of the room by diverting all talk away from this Teela series and focusing it on his ridiculous Gamma-fueled feud with the husband-and-wife YouTuber team that runs Clownfish TV. They had heard a rumor that the new He-Man series Smith was working on, would feature a lesbian Teela and no...

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The Dark Herald Recommends Sandman

This one is going to be brief Audible recently produced Neil Gaiman’s Sandman as an audio play. In a nutshell, it’s the comic book in audio form. Basically a one for one of the first series of comic books commonly called Preludes and Nocturnes. If you enjoyed the comic book then you’ll enjoy this. If you didn’t, then there is nothing here for you. The performances are professional. The music and sound are up to Audible’s usual standard. The problem with it is what...

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RE:Play The Dagger of Amon-Ra

Back in June of this year, the unthinkable finally happened. World of Warcraft became the second most played MMO.  If you strike at the king, you must rule or die and Square Enix now sits on the throne.  And Blizzard was indeed the undoubted king of PC gaming for twenty years.   Warcraft, StarCraft, Diablo, these weren’t mere franchises, these were legends. Nobody broke ground like Blizzard, nobody had the polish or the style.  Blizzard didn’t have releases, they had seismic events. Present at E3? No thanks...

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Tuesday Morning Irritations

I'm stealing time like a thief at the moment. I'm still grinding my teeth over Black Rifle Coffee Company's Tom Fuckery on the New York Times. I'm mad at myself for having been that much of a chump about those guys. All the signs were there, they never really hid that they were Cuckservatives in 2nd Amendment hats. I chose to believe that they were trying to keep below the eggshells and rotten tomatoes while running a...

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Black Widow Craters on Second Weekend

I told you this was coming. The second weekend take is in, and it is an utter disaster for Disney/Marvel. From Deadline: "If you want to know what the negative impact is by having a Marvel movie available in homes and in theaters at the same time, well, here it is: That’s the steepest second-weekend drop ever for a Disney-distributed MCU title, beating Ant-Man and the Wasp (-62%)." It's much worse than that. Black Widow's take for this weekend is $26 million.  The grand total...

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Star Trek IV Reaanounced…Again

This is...what the fourth time now? So, yeah. The fourth of the Bad Reboot associated Star Trek movies has been announced yet again. From Deadline: "After orchestrating the Marvel/Disney+ series WandaVision to a 23- Emmy-nomination haul, Matt Shakman (Oh god, please no) has made a deal to direct the next untitled Star Trek film for Paramount and Bad Robot’s JJ Abrams. Deadline hears the film will now move at warp speed (*GAG*) and begin production next spring. They have a script by Lindsey Beer and Geneva Robertson-Dworet. This is significant in...

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Loki Ended in the Worst Way Possible

Loki was very much an Identity Politics driven show. This, unsurprisingly, brought along a lot of Woke baggage as well a variety of Mary Sue feminist heroines. The title character started off as a Loki who gets pulled out of time at the end of the first Avengers movie.  He has not undergone the redemption arc that will turn him from trickster villain to trickster hero.   Which was what people who tuned into this expected to see.  Loki would go through a hero’s journey...

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Aliens – Footnotes

Typical Marine Corps first date. This post is a collection of extraneous minutia that I cut from the first post. One of the Aliens strengths is the design aesthetic. James Cameron started out in the special effects side of things building spaceship models for Battle Beyond the Stars and getting ripped off by Roger Corman for doing it. Corman can spot talent, you have to give him that. This background as kit-smasher has had a profound impact on the visuals in all...

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RE:View – Aliens

Aliens is my favorite Eighties blast-flick, even nudging out Predator.  For whatever reason, this is the one that speaks to me. What James Cameron got right was basically everything. It was massively influential in 1980s science fiction pop-culture. Aliens created an entire aesthetic template for the Space Marine that everyone who followed Cameron had to either consciously accept or reject. The Colonial Marines were up there with Starfleet. And Aliens setup a film that would hold the title of “most disappointing...

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The Dark Herald Recommends Black Widow

The biggest question over this film; is Marvel Studios capable of self-renewal? It’s the issue that hangs over any Hollywood winning streak.  No matter how big a franchise is, it doesn’t take a lot to make the audience walk away from it.  The calendar flips, presidents are changed, the new and exciting makes the old “new and exciting” look dull and cliched.   Did you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone were once the biggest stars in Hollywood? It’s true! I’ll answer this question...

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Interesting Theory: Black Widow a Hit?

Disney says it.  So, it must be true. Mickey the Great and Terrible is claiming a global haul of $230 million world wide for Black Widow’s opening weekend. Nothing suspicious about that.   Unless you actually look at it for a second. It might have a few problems then. $60 million on Disney Plus $80 million domestic Box Office $79 million foreign BO. These numbers are really, really ROUND.  I mean they hit their objectives on the nose.  And…AND they got exactly what Disney said they were going to get.  Nothing...

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The Dark Herald Recommends: The Tomorrow War

Time travel movies are always a problem. Either they fall into logical pitfalls due to screwing around in the past or they are in the predestination genre, where everything the character does advances a narrative that you already learned in the first half of the movie. The latter can be clever, but the truth is after you’ve seen a couple you’ve seen them all.  Which makes that its own form of predestination.  I’ll get into the problems this film has in a...

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Black Widow – First Impressions

Does NOT pass the Bechdel test. I'll do The Tomorrow War review first. There is no rush on this one. It's not as bad as I thought it would be and since almost no one who reads this blog on the regular is going to see it anyway, Black Widow is now reprioritized. If I was going to rate it at Does Not Recommend I'd get it done today but it's not that bad. I thought it was...

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Disney Death Watch – July 2021

Well, I haven’t done one these for a while but today seems dismal enough for some Dismalney news. DISNEY PARKS There was a time many ages ago that Disney parks were getting pretty trashy and by that, I mean the quality of the people showing up was ruining the experience for people who don’t have fifteen rusting appliances in their front yard and drink cheap liquor out of Mason jars. Walt Disney had wanted his parks to be affordable to all.  Sadly, the quality...

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Tomorrow War – First Impressions

It will surprise none of you to learn that the 55% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes is utter bullshit.   It’s better than a ton of films that have gotten a “fresh” rating.  If given a choice between Black Panther or Captain Marvel and The Tomorrow War, I’d take the latter any day of the week.   The action surpasses either of the former films, and there is an actual character arc for the main protagonist, unlike Captain Marvel where she just became even...

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The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend Artemis Fowl

REPOST: My wrist is in a sling at the moment. Consequently, you get to revel in the glory of one of my older reviews. From the company that brought you modern masterpieces like A Wrinkle in Time and the Rise of Skywalker comes Artemis Fowl.   I should start by saying, I have not read the Artemis Fowl books.  Neither have my kids. Maybe this film is an accurate representation of the stories.  Maybe it gets the feelz, right.  But if that’s the case then...

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Monday Catchup 7/5/2021

There hasn’t been much in the way of big stories but there have been some little ones I haven’t covered yet. Black Widow is Tracking Badly From my friends at Bounding Into Comics:  “Box Office Pro predicts that Black Widow will have an opening weekend between $65 and $90 million. However, they specifically home in and predict the movie will make $77 million in its opening weekend. As for its domestic total they believe it will make between $155 and $225 million. These numbers...

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Was Raiders of the Lost Ark a Rabbinical Parable?

Stories are the prism through which we view the world. Whether we agree with them is completely and absolutely immaterial.  What matters is that we were exposed to them.  They affect how we view the cosmos, no matter if we like how those stories do that, or not. From my article on Eastern Story Structure. https://arkhavencomics.com/2020/10/17/eastern-story-structure/ “Hakawati, is the Arabic tradition of storytelling wherein each story must have… and teach a moral lesson.  I suspect this tradition is more Middle Eastern than specifically Arabian because the story...

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RE:View Raiders of the Lost Ark

You've been waiting for this one. In 1899, Henry Walton “Indiana” Jones Junior came into a world where there were still big spots on a world map marked Unknown. He was as drawn to those places as instinctively as a Salmon is to the stream where it was spawned. Indiana Jones was born to be a man with one foot in two worlds.  On the one hand, he was a serious academic from a line of career college men.  This was back when...

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Authorial Intent: H.G. Wells

REPOST: My day blowup in the wire. Enjoy some best of the Dark Herald. In June of 1870, France had been the dominant land power in Europe since the reign of Louis XIV. Sure, it had had its ups and downs, and yes, granted, Napoleon was defeated (eventually) but look at the size of the alliance it took to take him down.  My point is this, France had been the big dog in Europe for so long, everyone’s worldview was...

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UPDATE: Harrison Ford is Out for Three Months

This is much worse than has previously been reported. From the Ny Post: "And while the team had initially suggested that the mishap wouldn’t derail filming too badly, the Oscar nominee and franchise film icon will reportedly be sidelined for at least three months as he undergoes shoulder surgery.  “The film’s bosses have come together to work out the scheduling and it’s chaos,” lamented the source. “The earliest they think they can restart the production is September.” They added, “It was not what...

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TSR Games Banned From GenCon

The secret we should never let the gamemasters know is that they don't need any rules. -Gary Gygax I am firmly of the opinion that one of Twitter’s major sources of income is providing angry mobs on command for a fee.  The revoltingly fat and malignantly repulsive fifteen-year-old girls that make up the core of the Stans haven’t the slightest interest in anything other than para-social activity on the internet.   They have never been interested in Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the...

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Book Discussion: King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

Woke ruins everything. ***MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW FOR KING OF SCARS AND CROOKED KINGDOM*** Leigh Bardugo wrote a genuine pair of modern classics with Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom. I’ve praised the former already and will get around to the latter eventually, so I won’t go into how awesome they were other than to say, I had been left panting for more. So, I eagerly tore into the next volume in her library, King of Scars. Bardugo’s first three books, the Starkov Trilogy...

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UPDATE: Harrison Ford is Severely Injured

Disney’s semi-official leak is that Harrison Ford’s shoulder injury has temporarily halted production for six weeks.   Frankly, official statements are given to sunny optimism.  It shouldn’t be forgotten that Ford is seventy-eight no word on whether or not he’s had to have surgery but if WDW Pro is correct then I would bet on it.  According to WDW Pro at Pirates and Princesses Blog, Harrison Ford is down for eight weeks not six.  More significantly, according to Pro, the production has been completely shut down.  There...

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Loki Update – Lamentis

“Oh god, they are sitting and talking AGAIN!” I had said before that this show, (and indeed all Marvel mini-series on Disney Plus) was originally pitched as a film with a run time of about two hours.  It was turned into a miniseries by stuffing 4 extra hours of pointless padding.  Sitting and talking to be specific.  We are now three episodes in, and last night’s episode ended in a cliffhanger. The only time Loki is acting in character is when there isn’t...

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Blogs and Ends: Don’t Read This Post

I told you not to do that. It's no secret that Netflix marketing plan is throw some shit at the wall and see what sticks. They are actually worse than Amazon in that way. For every Dark Crystal reboot, they have about five of these things but I will grant this year's crop from the big red N is unusually bad. FIRST Sexy Beasts A furry dating show, not kidding, wish I was. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJO5m6EFL6A The absurd part is the pretense that these couples aren't attractive under...

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