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The Dark Herald Recommends: Disenchanted

I hadn’t planned to watch this, but it was on at the in-laws after Thanksgiving dinner. I’ll give the movie this much.  It knew what it wanted to be.  It just wasn’t a realistic goal. The original Enchanted was Disney sending itself up and it was kind of endearing.  A Disney Princess comes to the real world and brings a little magic with her.  The Central Park musical number was really good and did everything it was supposed to.  At the end, Giselle gets the high-power New...

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Appendix N Heroes: Imric the Elf Earl

NOTE: I'm using the term "hero" pretty loosely in this case. It was written in 1954, you can tell it was written in 1954 because it couldn’t be written today. This is a work of high tragedy that is strongly influenced by the Norse sagas.  If you like Game Thrones but would prefer that it be written by a non-sadist that can actually fit a story that should only take two hundred pages, into two hundred pages.  This is the book for...

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Disney Rumors

Rumor: Kathleen Kennedy is leaving LucasFilm... Again. Sorry, not buying that one even if John Campea is. There is supposedly an agreement that she leaves the company after Indy V launches. I've heard that one before. I'm not buying that one either because she wants to leave on a high note and no project that she is headlining will be successful. How did Kathleen Kennedy get to where she is today? W-e-l-l-l-l, I do know that when she...

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The Fan Hierarchy

I’ve frequently heard the claim that superhero movies are dead or dying.  That they have worn out their welcome.  This is usually being said by people who were never interested in them in the first place; like film critics. However, superhero movies have been around since 1978 when young Gen-Xers were first made to believe a man could fly.  It’s frequently stated that these franchises go in cycles, but this really isn’t the case.  What happens, (and it happens every time), is that the franchise...

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I’M B-A-A-A-A-C-K

FLASH! Midnight coup by Disney’s Board of Directors. Bob Chapek, is out.  Dragged from his bed in the middle of the night and stood against a wall. Bob Iger is back in as CEO for the next two(?) years.  That is a weirdly abbreviated contract. Susan Arnold is remaining as Chairman of the BOD.  Iger had both jobs until he was hit by a boardroom revolt in February of 2020.   The institutional investors all knew that the next two or three quarters would be losses.  That was baked in.  It was...

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Book Discussion: The Wandering Earth by Cixin Liu

The Wandering Earth is an anthology of novellas by Cixin Liu, the (2015) Hugo Award-winning author of the Three-Body Problem. Which incidentally was the last time the Hugos reflected the voice of the entire fandom instead just 300-pound, purple-haired weirdos.  I found this collection as intriguing as the Three Body for similar reasons.  When I read his first novel, I was honestly rather surprised by what he was able to get away with in Communist China.  That book began with an unflinching look...

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Greg Bear 1951-2022

One of the last members of the Old Guard of hard science fiction has passed. During his career he authored over fifty books. He won five Nebula awards and two Hugos (back when a Hugo was worth having). He was also one of the founders of San Diego Comicon. Greg Bear suffered a massive stroke last week, his wife Astrid (daughter of Poul Anderson) released a statement saying that per his wishes, life support would be withdrawn. He breathed on...

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Disney Deathwatch Update

It looks like nothing is coming up roses for Disney at the moment.  Strange World is being treated like a bomb waiting to happen.  Lightyear and Bros have already demonstrated just how much of the world was clamoring for gay romantic comedies. Which is no part of the world. From the interviews James Cameron has been giving, I think Avatar: The Way of Water is testing badly too. Cameron shot the next two chapters simultaneously and was planning on a fourth installment when...

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Red the Pirate of the Caribbean Movie is Dead.

Okay, you might not know what that means. During Peter Rice’s heyday at Disney, all kinds of really and obviously terrible projects got the green light.  This was one of them.   In the early 00s Eisener got a bug up his ass about making park rides into movies.  He had one bomb with Haunted Mansion but more than made up for it with the Pirates of the Caribbean.  If you watched any of the behind scenes stuff you could tell pretty quickly that everyone on...

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Disney Deathwatch: November 2022

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. Many things are going on with Disney and almost all of them are bad.  We will start with the biggest news. Black Panther Wakanda Forever had a big opening weekend of $192 million domestic.   Maybe.   Here’s the problem.  There are a lot of reports that once again the box office has been Fortified.  If true, then this is another example of Disney’s weird little practice of buying up large numbers of seats on the opening weekend...

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The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend – Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

I feel like such a chump. I honestly thought Marvel was going to try for once.  I have no idea what this unfounded optimism was based on.   Most of the praise for this film was written by shills before it hit the theaters.  You can tell.  Although, I have seen legitimate good reviews for this movie, and they were entirely from fat Gamma Males.  If you are a Fat Gamma Male or are simply a Gamma male who is fat in spirit, this is absolutely the...

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Webtoons Cuts Off Its Creators

I noticed there was a ton of screaming coming from the people who publish on Webtoons.com.  Okay, there is always a lot of noise from that corner, but this seemed to be genuinely angry for once.   It turns out they had good reason. Their payment program just went bye-bye. A notice was sent by Webtoon, notifying its CANVAS Creators that the Creator Rewards Program will end in January 2023. A "tipping system" will replace the program, but the platform did not divulge details as to...

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Kevin Conroy 1955-2022

Kevin Conroy was thee voice of Batman. Two generations grew up with him voicing the Dark Knight. The film actors have come and gone at random for the last twenty years. But Kevin Conroy was a constant in changing world. Adam West had an early claim to a clownish iteration but he didn't play the role anywhere near as often or carry the part as seriously as Conroy did. "This series was clearly a high priority for Warner Brothers...

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The Dark Recommends: The Wandering Earth

The Wandering Earth is based on a collection of short stories by Hugo-winning (and Puppy-approved) author Liu Cixin. I'll be dropping my Book Discussion of the anthology tomorrow. This review is about the movie of the same name. The premise for the film is big but perhaps a little ridiculous but I can accept it for a couple of reasons. One, you have to start a story somewhere and two, Liu Cixin, has a good track record for taking science...

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The Dark Herald Recommends: Mohenjo Daro

Yes, it's another Bollywood movie You have to be into archaeology to really enjoy this movie. When I loaded this one up I was at first a little disappointed. The grand spectacle of Raj Putana was missing. In fact, everything looked pretty cheap but then I saw almost everyone was using stone tools and they looked pretty authentic. That was when I took a real interest. It took about a minute of internet searching to discover that this production company really sweated the...

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The Dark Herald Recommends with Reservation: Good Omens

The following discussion took place in Cataline’s car back in late 1980 something. Buddy (holding up a cassette tape): Dude, I didn’t know you were a Queen fan. Cataline: Dude, I’m not. Buddy: Then where did this come from? Cataline: I have no fucking idea. It just sort of… Appeared one day. Buddy: Same thing happened to me. Cataline: Weird huh? I never really thought about it again until the first time I read Good Omens by the late Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaimen and I ran into this; “All...

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The Best Guns for Hipsters

REPOSTED I was way too busy to do any kind of post today. Here is an oldie that has the distinction of being my most ripped-off post of all time. I'm afraid it's starting to show its age but hopefully, it's still good for a laugh. Millennials. As sad as it is, the future is theirs. Okay I will grant (very grudgingly) that a few of them are alright but those tragic few of you, will sadly remain enslaved to the (*gag*) hipster fashions of your...

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David Zaslav Wants to Bring Back Harry Potter

And by that, I mean the character of Harry Potter himself, which his fans will love. This includes working with JK Rowling if possible, which his Stans will hate.  But let’s keep in mind, Jo Rowling hasn't changed any of her stripes. She is a TERF (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist).  Don’t forget the Radical Feminist part of that.  She is the one that went back and declared Dumbledore gay, despite the fact that this adds a greasy feeling to Harry and Dumbledore’s very close relationship. When...

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Arktoons Spotlight: The Awakener

Welcome to the Arktoons Spotlight, a regular feature at the Arkhaven Blog. The Spotlight is where I take a look at one title from the amazing world of Arkhaven’s webtoons. If you aren’t familiar with Arktoons, this is meant for you.  I am the Dark Herald; I do the blogging here at Arkhaven.com.  The blog is mostly pop culture news, reviews and opinion, in short, the usual. And you aren’t here for the blog.  You’re here for the webtoons.   Arkhaven is different from other webtoon’s publishers.  While...

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Was Roswell Real?

I’ve finally gotten around to reading Jonathon Maberry’s Joe Ledger books and I freely admit to being jealous.  He did with Patient Zero what I wanted to do with The Great Divide Game.  I’m currently making my way through The Extinction Machine, it turns out that UFOs crash all the time and various governments are trying to make their pieces into some useful bit of super science wizardry.  I had reached the point where Bug is talking to Ledger about the probability of...

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Blogs and Ends Interview With An Emotional Vampire

Way back in high school I got talked into reading Interview With the Vampire. Why? Because I was young and stupid. Yes, it involved a girl, who fortunately never took an interest in me. Possibly, getting me to agree to read it was some form of shit test, and given how her life turned out, I couldn't be happier to have failed the test. Few can agree on why the fetish of two attractive women having sex...

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Hammer Films Retrospective (Part III) Dracula

Sir Christopher Frank Carandini Lee was first and foremost a gentleman.  If not necessarily a gentle man.  His father was a Colonel in the King’s 60th Rifles and his mother was an Italian Contessa.  His parents separated at a young age and he and his sister lived with their mother when she moved to Switzerland.   He took an early interest in acting at school when his mother remarried, he returned to Britain.   He was Stepcousins with Ian Fleming and was introduced to Prince Yusupov and Grand Duke Pavlovich,...

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Vampire Rules V: Midnight’s War

Countess Elizabeth Bathory; the infamous Blood Countess.   Her story is that of a beautiful woman utterly obsessed with maintaining her beauty, no matter what crimes she committed in the process. Yes, she was even worse than Madonna. She tried just about every beauty aid available when her looks began to fade. Arsenic powders and tinctures laced liberally with gold and mercury were tried and of course, failed. One night, in her frustration, she struck a serving girl hard enough to draw blood. Having tried...

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Forgotten Cable of the Nineties – Urban Fantasy

BUMPED for Halloween 10/28/2022 When I was a little kid Looney Tunes weren’t all that old-fashioned, they were just a little behind the power curve.   Well, maybe some of the really early ones were starting to look out of date.  I remember asking my Mom if anvils had been all over the place when she was a kid. She didn’t like the question for reasons I didn’t understand then but certainly do now.  But she answered it honestly, “not really, most blacksmiths had already...

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Cavill Is Out as the Witcher

#TheDarkHeraldWasRight Earlier today I stated that the third season would be the last one for Henry Cavill on the Witcher. Cavill’s Highlander movie appears to be dead. He was supposed to be shooting it in April. But he came down with Covid. The film’s funding went bye-bye. Now that he is signed as Superman for the next ten years, he’s not going to have time for it.  I suspect that the next season of the Witcher is going to be the last.  Cavill’s constantly having to...

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Hammer Films Retrospective (Part II) Frankenstein Rises!

His nickname was “Props Pete” because of his preferred method of performance.  Most actors only interact with props if a director gives them specific instructions to do so.  But Props Pete was forever picking up this item or that one during a performance and used it casually with apparent long-accustomed familiarity.  It added depth to the role he was playing. He was trying to sell the audience on his character being an expert in whatever field the part was meant to be brilliant...

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Hammer Films Retrospective (part I) Gothic Beginnings 

I’m honestly not the biggest horror movie guy out there.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate them. Exactly. I just hate what it has turned into.  There is so little artistry to it these days.  So little concern with trying to provoke the “delightful shiver.”  These days it’s all built around scenes that spend as little time as possible building tension and then clobbering the audience with a jump scare, followed by gory body horror.  Modern body horror only works if you don’t actually look at...

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We Happy Few, We Band of Brothers

Happy Saint Crispin's Day. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-yZNMWFqvM “He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,And rouse him at the name of Crispian.He that shall live this day, and see old age,Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,And say ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian:’Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.And say ‘These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.’Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,But he’ll remember with advantagesWhat feats he did that...

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Blogs and Ends: The Opposite of Love

FIRST Why don’t I have an opinion on the death of Jodie Whitaker’s Doctor Who?  I just don’t care. That’s it. That’s the deal. I don’t care. I don’t give a shit.  Tolkien, I care about.  I just wrote a multi-week 20,000+ word rant dedicated to my hatred of Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power.   But the end of the worst era in the 60-year history of Doctor Who happened last night and YouTube had to tell me about it.  I had promised myself I...

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The Dark Herald Recommends Black Adam

I trudged rather than walked into the theater to see this one.  I had, with childlike innocence taken the critics at their word.  Intellectually I know I can trust an angry cobra more than the opinion of the 21st-century film critic.  Thus, my determination to approach this film with an open mind but I could hardly ignore the track record of every Marvel movie since 2017, to say nothing of every DC film since The Dark Knight Rises. My low expectations weren’t unreasonable. So, I...

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