Blog

Pivot to Video is the New Learn to Code

“Pivot to video” has officially been declared Hate Speech. Vice Media is a blog.  That is all that it is or ever was.  However, it was a pretty sweet gig you could get a job writing for what is, and always has been, just a blog.  A six-figure salary plus benefits to do this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ia7fUQXskvA Although, it turns out that Vice has an app that does that and I’m not kidding. But it appears that the gravy train has inevitably run out of coal.  Layoffs have begun...

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Wow This Looks Cheap

The trailer for the new season of Picard has dropped… And. It. Looks. Awful. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUhBOmtFYr8 I don't watch Kurtzman Trek. A few YouTube masochists do so, but I don't see the point myself. It’s not meant to be entertainment at all.  It’s certainly not meant to be a Star Trek and it is absolutely not for Star Trek fans. The purpose of Kurtzman Trek is to raise Alex Kurtzman’s status within The Club and enrich himself personally while providing a content farm for Viacom.  Forget storytelling, forget entertainment. Content is...

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Hats Off to the Guys at Bounding Into Comics

I'm impressed by my editor. One of the comics I mentioned on my Arktoons Roundup was Chuck Dixon Presents - Charlie Chan. "So how did the Chinese feel about Chan?  Well, when actor Werner Oland – who portrayed the Chinese detective across over four dozen films starting in 1926 – visited Shanghai in the 1930s, he got a hero’s welcome from the Chinese. In fact, Chan films were so popular in China that an industry of Shanghai-produced, Charlie Chan knock-off films thrived...

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Took Long Enough

The most hated storyline in the history of Marvel Comics has, after twenty years, been erased. I freely admit that when I was a little kid, Gwen Stacy was my comic book crush. It broke the Dark Herald's black little heart when she was killed off, way the hell back in 1973. A few years later I found out about real girls and instantly got over it. But here is the big thing about fictional characters you...

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Friday Night Sights

I'm going to have to process the Batman Webtoon before giving you my take on it. In the meantime enjoy some me time. FIRST The Matrix Resurrection Trailer. There hasn't been a Matrix movie since the Wachowski Sisters were the Wachowski Brothers. I liked the first movie. Admittedly, I didn't know how much of its cool look was the result of fairly extreme sexual submissive fetishism and male body dysmorphia. Regardless, I still liked the first one but they kept revisiting...

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It’s Canceled! The Owl House

When you are fighting a guerilla culture war you have to take your Ws where you can find them and in truth, they are going to be kind of small. But nonetheless, when you have a small win it's still a win. This first part is a repost from the old Dark Herald. Labor Day, 2020. "A while back I had given a grudging Cataline Recommends to the Disney Channel series, the Owl House. The reason was simple enough, it...

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Content is the Death of Creativity

I can’t believe I’m looking forward to the return of commercials. So why am I not reviewing Shang Chi? Because I've already seen it. Oh, maybe not with this particular window dressing but I've definitely seen it. So have you. It's a Marvel movie, and at this point, they are all the same. This week there was a stink about the Russo Brothers not returning to Marvel because of the ScarJo lawsuit.  Oh, noes! Disney has suddenly stopped honoring its contracts!  How can...

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Shang Chi A Hit?

Shang Chi appears to be a massive hit.  A $90+ million domestic opening weekend with $56 million foreign is nothing short of amazing.  Stunning even, when you factor in that a Labor Day release never does better than $40 million tops.  Perhaps, startling is the proper term, when you see that all of this overnight rabid interest in the movie, must have driven the video pirates straight.  Nobody is downloading this film illegally.  Black Widow was the most pirated film in history but this flick, while available...

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A Trailer and Non-Trailer

Roland Emmerich is going back to what he knows best. Being the master of disaster. Forget meteors. Emmerich is throwing the freaking moon at us! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRbsmbr4HFM At least the heroes won't be using Nukes to blow up the Moon. Unless of course, they are some kind of super-Nuke. One that will blow all the debris away but not destroy the Earth either. However, the one scene with Captain Halle Berry and company walking down that...

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It’s Happening!!!

Flash! Kathleen Kennedy's contract is being renewed. I had said when I first broke the story, that I was viewing this as a rumor UNLESS... WDWPro said she was getting renewed. He has a record of about 95% accuracy. And (horror of horrors) WDWPro is now saying, that the Kary-Kray Kay-Kay, the Beast Who Rules the SJWs will be renewed for at least one year at Lucasfilm. Details to come later. Developing.

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Marvel’s What If… Episode 4

What if Doctor Strange had terminal Oneitis? That was basically the plot for this episode. Again it was better than the first two episodes. Doctor Strange was astonishingly enough, still a white male. Or perhaps that wasn't too surprising since they were able to get Cumberbatch to voice him. In this What If, Strange didn't lose his hands in the accident, he lost Christine. Which apparently hit him a hell of a lot harder in toon world...

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Shang Chi Projected to Break Box Office Records

For a Labor Day release. That's the spin you understand. You see, a Labor Day release is always box office death. Nobody goes to the movies even when there isn't a plague in town because it's their last chance to soak up some summer before Fall arrives. Consequently, Shang Chi has a very low bar to step over and that is assuming it doesn't stumble. The conditions of this projected win are very conditional. "The...

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Oh No

Appalling news for you One Piece fans out there. There is going to be a live-action version of One Piece. On Netflix. How do I know it will be bad? (*long tired sigh*) It is being made by the same people who are making live-action Cowboy Bebop. And they are already talking about their bold reimagining. From the reliably awful and unlinked to CBR: “Romance Dawn” was an episode of the original One Piece anime that gave us a peek into what the series could...

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The Dark Herald Recommends Battle Angel Alita

First things first. I am approaching this subject from a place of familiarity.  I first saw the Battle Angel OVA when I was stationed at Camp Lejeune better than twenty-five years ago.  And there is no getting around it, this film is basically an expanded version of the OVA. Yes, I understand that it’s supposed to be about the first few books in the manga series but sorry, no. It’s the OVA with some background material thrown in.  That was...

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Yeah, Its Gonna Suck: Netflix Cowboy Bebop (part II)

It started with them trying to get the dog wrong.  That was our first warning. Next, came a picture of the crew of Bebop, and Faye Valentine was clearly dressed to discourage the male gaze, which is the total opposite of her character. The fans voiced their concern about this and the actress posted a snide and sneering video denigrating the fans of her show for not liking the new costume. There is a lot more going on here than just...

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Yeah It’s Gonna Suck: Netflix Cowboy Bebop (part I)

(BUMPED: My long-time readers will recognize this as my piece on Easter Story Structure. I am writing a post on Netflix's hideious Cowboy Bebop live-action reboot. To put into context all the ways that it is going to godawful I found myself referring to, copying, and rewriting the article below. I finally decided it made more sense just to bump it up and let you reacquaint yourselves with the concepts. Work permitting, I'll get the...

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What If – What If… Didn’t Suck?

Astonishing concept I know, but it finally happened. It took three episodes to get one that was, I can't believe I'm saying this, good. The contrivance for this episode was, what if the Avengers were killed before they became the Avengers. And they actually ran with it. They recreated famous scenes from various movies and at end of the scene the Avenger in question was pushing up roses. ***SPOILERS*** FROM HERE ON OUT. When Black Widow gives...

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Cheap Thrills: The 8th Doctor

On my way back from the Mongolian Outlands, I was listening to a few things that I’d loaded onto my phone for the trip.  One of them turned out to be a hidden treasure.  Or at least it’s hidden to most Americans.  The British have known about this for a while. Back in 1996, Fox Network had the absolutely hideous idea of rebooting Doctor Who, which had been on hiatus for seven years at that point.  It was almost as bad as the Peter...

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Okay, I’m Back

Only slightly worse for wear. Reader Chief_Tuscaloosa writes: "In the future, when Vox Day has bought the Superman franchise for $1, I look forward to issue AV (after Vox) #1: “Superman, The Illegal Alien with Super-powers: He Has To Go Back." Not worth the dollar.   Part of the reason DC is doing this, is so they can turn things over to Jon Kent because 11 years Clark Kent goes into the Public Domain. So they'd like to shoo him off...

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Is Clark Kent Going Gay?

Our entire species is going to be extinct afterall. Well done nancyboy. No, but Superman might be. Here's the rumor and it sounds very, very current year. The toilet-wine writers at DC Comics have absolutely no idea what to do with an aspirational hero like Kal-El of Krypton. Intrinsic goodness is something they simply have no frame of reference for. They are too hollow inside to have a basic sympathy with the fundamentals of the concept. In truth they...

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Is Kathleen Kennedy Getting her Contract Renewed?

Such a move would be fatal to what is left of the Star Wars fanbase.  She is the most reviled personality ever connected with the franchise to include freaking Jar-Jar.  Renew her contract and you may well as pander to the Reylos because you will have absolutely no one left.  Except, the Reylos have already dipped out, after ROS. Both the Mom & Pop and the institutional investors are clearly hostile to the idea. A number of Bob Chapek’s reforms would be reversed...

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RE:View Clash of the Titans (part II)

Continued from part I So, we see Perseus growing up under his father’s watchful eye.  The various deities of Olympus are instructed by Zeus to give him gifts.  A nuisance for Hera as she is never cool about these things, and they happen a LOT. I found myself admiring Beverly Cross as a writer. She went out of her way to make sure plot holes were filled in advance.  During a needed montage whose only real job was to turn Perseus from a boy...

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Marvel’s What If… (Second Episode)

Marvel's What If... Comics used to be kind of fun and different. What If Spiderman Joined the Fantastic Four? What If Gwen Stacy had lived? What if Doctor Doom became a hero? What If the Hulk had the brain of Bruce Banner? As you can tell some of these What If(s) proved popular enough to become part of the Marvelverse proper. However, we are now two episodes into the TV series and it is becoming absurdly obvious what all of the shows What If(s)...

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RE:View – Clash of the Titans (Part I)

“Greek and Roman myths contained characters and fantastic creatures that were ideal for cinematic adventures. If some of the adventures were combined with 20th century storytelling, a timeless narrative could be constructed that would appeal to both young and old.” -Ray Harryhausen  Clash of the Titans was both the end and the beginning of an era. It was first of the Eighties sword and sorcery movies, but it was also the last Ray Harryhausen film.  And it was quite the swan song. In a...

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DC Is Copying Arkhaven

“I had looked for this but not so soon,” as the old tombstone says.  DC is now partnering with Webtoons. I find this particularly laughable given how the comic book pros sneered at webtoons when they first entered the English-speaking market.  “If you were any good at all you’d be working for DC or Marvel,” is what ALL of their comments could be boiled down to. However, the truth is that talent goes where the money is.  And right now, the top of the heap...

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I Thought Seppuku Was a Japanese Thing

Shang Chi star Simu Liu had this to say to his boss on Instagram. “We are not an 'interesting experiment, we are the underdog; the underestimated. We are the ceiling-breakers. We are the celebration of culture and joy that will persevere after an embattled year. We are the surprise, I'm fired the fuck up to make history on September 3rd; JOIN US." This is clearly a response to Bob Chapek’s Q3 earning’s call statement with regards to Shang Chi’s release date.  Also, vaguely hinting...

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If You Were Wondering How They Would Screw Up Dune…

Wonder no more! This is a quote from Dune's director regarding, the second Dune movie which hasn't been shot yet. "I can't wait to shoot the second part of Dune to get [Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya] back together. Knowing that in the next chapter Zendaya will be the protagonist of the story." There you go. Straight from the mouth of Denis Villeneuve himself. Freaking Chani is going to be the star of the next movie. How can they do that? You ask...

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Shang Chi is Being Setup to Fail

Bob Chapek has changed his mind.  Despite the strong indications that Shang Chi would be pulled from theatrical distribution last week, Disney CEO Chapek went on the record at the 3RD quarter meeting, stating that Shang Chi will indeed be released “in theaters only.” Regardless of the fact that it is tracking to pull in an anemic box office haul of $35 to $55 million (and it’s not going to be $55 million).  Chapek has described this launch as a “data point”...

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