The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend Obi-Wan Kenobi

Yay, it’s over. At least the episodes were short.  It had that going for it. If nothing else. This entire mini-series is defined by three characteristics: undermining canon, internal inconsistency, and being wholly unnecessary.  Let’s take a quick look at the very first time we met Obi-Wan in 1977.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQfR8WD_YYM Kenobi is quickly established as a Gandalf/Merlin/hedge-wizard-in-general figure. If he ever was a fighter, his bad-ass days are clearly behind him.  He’ll be a teacher and advisor but that is going to be pretty much it.  He...

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Kraven the Vegan

No, I'm not joking. Not even a little bit. Kraven the fucking Hunter is going to be an animal lover in his own movie. "Following in the footsteps of Venom and Morbius, Sony is launching a spinoff movie for another classic Spider-Man villain: Kraven the Hunter. Due out next year, it stars Aaron Taylor-Johnson in his third (!) superhero role. But a new interview is raising some questions about the direction of this new franchise after Taylor-Johnson characterized Kraven...

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The Death of Disney Animation (Part Three of Two)

(Given that we are witnessing what may well be the start of the disolution of Pixar, I thought it appropriate to bump this piece. Links to the first and second parts of this series are directly below) Part One Part Two If there is one thing that Disney-trained executives universally fail at, it is processing bad news that will remain bad news. No matter how bad some event is, Disney-trained execs are always going to try and find “a spoon full of...

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Yeah, It’s Gonna Suck – Monster High The (Live Action) Movie

They should have hired cosplayers for this thing. Today’s post was done at the urgent and enraged request of the Eldest Dark Spawn.  From Nickelodeon and Paramount +, the one-two punch of suck comes Monster High - The Movie.  This is going to be a live-action version of the toy/video cross-over series from about ten years ago.  I can’t fault the original business model as it handily had its way with my wallet whenever I made the financially ill-considered journey to Toys R’...

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To Bankruptcy And Beyond!

$51 million domestic, Lightyear is officially a bomb. Disney had no idea this was coming and is trying to figure out what went wrong. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (*gasp...wheez...gasp*) Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! This flick was supposed to be Pixar's slamdunk and honestly if they had hired the writer's from the TV series they would have had one, no problem. From Bounding Into Comics "The film failed to dethrone Jurassic World: Dominion, which brought in $58.6 million in its second weekend at the box office. Earlier...

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It’s Worse Than I Thought – Lightyear

You weren't planning to see it anyway and you are right to avoid it. This film is a Pedomouse spectacular. Lightyear is a product of Reimagine Tomorrow. The lesbian kiss was the least of it. The entire film is centered around the lesbian relationship. In fact the lesbians get pregnant. So, forget about awkward questions from your seven year old about two women in love. Pedomouse wants you to have discussions about how two women can get...

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The Wreck of the Halcyon

Disney is spending a lot of money to learn the answer to something they could just find out just by reading the Arkhaven Blog.  Why is the Star Wars Galactic Cruise a failure? When you have a massive collapse like this, it’s rarely if ever just one thing.  It is always a string of bad decisions and they always come from the very top.  First and foremost: Chapek didn’t spend the money he needed to. This thing is cheap and it shows.  He couldn’t...

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Embarrassing Admission

I seriously overestimated the main writer of Obi-Wan Kenobi.   One of the main features of this show has been Reee-va’s grudge against Obi-Wan.  You were supposed to guess at her motivation for wanting to kill him.  And it now turns out that this show would have been much better off with any of your guesses then the writer's answer. The first scene in this entire show is a bunch of Younglings practicing their lightsaber drills.  Then order 66 kicks off.  Their teacher is killed, and...

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The Broken Drinker

I feel your pain dude Disney's upcoming list of Star Wars and Marvel's curatated, homogenized entertainment products left the Critical Drinker reeeling in horror. He was a broken man at the end of it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEA8z2lwBqg Now compare AZ's list with the BS list that The Nerd Crew invented five years ago. Back then most of the projects Red Letter Media predicted hadn't even been announced yet.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3K44GQwxbA&t=487s

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The Flash Problem

Warner Brothers is too deeply into Ezra Miller’s Flash movie to just shelf it.  That appears to be an option that is off the table.  The problem is that Ezra Miller has gone from bad boy to public pedophile.   If you can’t keep that shit under wraps, Hollywood has no use or respect for you.  Not these days anyway.   The statement that Miller’s groomee made that was supposed to make her sound like she was simply a young woman with her own agency, following...

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