Disney Deathwatch Update

Disney Deathwatch Update

It looks like nothing is coming up roses for Disney at the moment.  Strange World is being treated like a bomb waiting to happen.  Lightyear and Bros have already demonstrated just how much of the world was clamoring for gay romantic comedies. Which is no part of the world.

From the interviews James Cameron has been giving, I think Avatar: The Way of Water is testing badly too. Cameron shot the next two chapters simultaneously and was planning on a fourth installment when Disney clearly told him, “shoot an ending for three because that’s it.”  

I’m afraid James Cameron’s biggest problem is that the core of his audience has always been Generation X, and we’ve stopped going to the movies.

Cameron isn’t the only one having problems.

Andor has one more episode before its first (and likely only) season wraps.  As I’ve already said, this show is a perfect example of what happens when consumer confidence collapses.  It’s in the very uncomfortable position of its most heartfelt adherents saying, “Andor is a really good show but…” 

Past the “but” is where things get uncomfortable for Andor. …But it’s not Star Wars.  …But it’s kind of boring. …But it does remind me of Rogue One. …But there aren’t any Jedi or Sith in it.

Granted I think that last is about to change.  Easily the best thing in the show has been Stellan Skarsgård’s portrayal of the proto-rebellion’s spymaster.  Honestly, he’s the only reason I still stream it every week, I don’t really care about the rest of the characters.  But Luthien is this fascinating George Smiley in a galaxy far, far away.  I thought he was just going to stay a man of mystery, but the mystery seems to be solved.  In a previous episode, he said, “if I wanted a quiet life I could have had one 14 years ago.”  Andor takes place 15 years after Order 66. When Saw Gerra had him searched in the last episode they found this:

So yeah.

It’s a little bit disappointing but since there is only one more episode, I’ll finish this show and hope Luthien gets his own.

However, Lucasfilm is about to dump the first two episodes of Andor on cable TV.  And I mean they are dumping it everywhere.  ABC, FX, Freeform, and Hulu. But not the whole thing, just the first two episodes.  

This is a desperate idea. 

The sad truth about Andor is that this 12-episode series is structured like a series of three-act stories. Situation is introduced in one episode, tensions escalate in the next, then there is a climax in the third episode.  You see the problem, right?

Darklings:  Nothing happens until the third episode.

Correct, this show is literally two parts boredom and one part excitement.  And ABC, FX, and FreeForm are only going to show the first two episodes of the first story arc.  Namely the dull ones. 

This is a desperate and ill-thought-out plan to build interest in Star Wars Andor.

Big cuts are coming to Disney and everyone has to justify their continued existence.  ESPN is golden.  Forget about Marvel, ESPN was Bob Iger’s best purchase for Disney, it floated the whole company during the lockdown, with its annual revenue of $4 billion.  The Parks are good too, not as good as ESPN but they’ve got an answer when the Bobs from Office Space ask them to, “describe what you do here.”  Marvel is on the decline but is still bringing in money.  Lucasfilm on the other hand is in serious trouble.

They destroyed the most golden of golden franchises and can’t come up with any plan for getting out of the pit they are now stuck in.  Boba Fett killed what was left of the Star Wars fanbase. It’s over baby. 

Worse still, Indiana Jones V is testing badly.  This was supposed to be Kathleen Kennedy’s swansong but it looks like the swan died from a bone its throat.  Right now they are scrapbooking the hell out of it.  Hoping against hope that somehow, someway, they can Frankenstein a movie together that audiences will like.  They are doomed to fail.

The fundamental problem was making the movie at all with Harrison Ford.  You never went to an Indiana Jones movie because he was this deeply layered character, you went to an Indiana Jones movie because you wanted to BE Indiana Jones.  Nobody wants to be old-ass Indiana Jones.  Right before The Force Awakens came out, there was all kinds of talk about Chris Pratt having landed the role and frankly, that would have made a lot more sense.  But then Star Wars VII made a billion at the box office and Harrison Ford was bankable again.

At least that was what it looked like from the outside.  We now know how the Lucasfilm Story Group operates. They hate all, white male heroes and do their level best to replace them with race and gender-swapped facsimiles that no one ever wants to see.

This means they wanted to bring back Indy to do exactly what Spielberg and Lucas did to him in South Park. 

All of the rumors that came out last year sound exactly like something they would do.  That Indy and some strong independent whamen played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge would travel back in time and meet young Indy.  Old Indy would die and then young Indy would die and Phoebe Waller-Bridge would replace him and have all of his adventures for him. 

Big surprise, the test audiences hate it.  

The Lucasfilm story group is still surprised at the level of hatred their total ablation of established canon brings about each and every time they do it.  You would think they would be used to it by now but they live in this kind of world:

You know if that’s what they are mad about when they scream “White Privilege” then, yeah, I get it.

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