Light of the Jedi: If You Buy This It’s All On You

The first sentence of the prelude would give pause to any Star Wars fan.

“The Force is with the Galaxy.”

On the off chance, you think this book might have sold because Light of the Jedi was well written, I present you the opening paragraphs of the first chapter:

 Three hours to Impact

            All is well.

            Captain Hedda Casset reviewed the readout and displays built into her command chair for the second time. She always went over them at least twice. She had more than four decades of flying behind her and figured the double-check was a large part of the reason she’d survived all that time. The second look confirmed everything she’d seen in the first period 

            “All is well,” she said, out loud this time announcing it to her bridge crew. “Time for my rounds Lieutenant Bowman you have the bridge.” 

            “Acknowledged Captain,” her first officer replied, standing from his own seat in preparation to occupy hers until she returned from her evening constitutional. 

Jesus wept.

I can’t write anymore of this; my fingers keep falling asleep. 

The entire first chapter is like this.

Soule’s background as a comic book writer is self-evident.  He is used to his artist doing the heavy lifting of building tension via the artwork. This is dull, boring, and tedious. Your first few lines are absolutely critical. You have to grab the audience’s attention and not give it up again until they turn the last page.

Let’s compare this slag with somebody who knows what he’s doing:

I heard the mailman approach my office door, half an hour earlier than usual. He didn’t sound right. His footsteps fell more heavily, jauntily, and he whistled. A new guy. He whistled his way to my office door, then fell silent for a moment. Then he laughed. Then he knocked.

Then he knocked.

I winced. My mail comes through the mail slot unless it’s registered. I get a really limited selection of registered mail, and it’s never good news. I got up out of my office chair and opened the door.

Butcher, Jim. Storm Front (The Dresden Files, Book 1) (p. 1). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

I will not be doing a review of Light of Jedi. I already suffer enough for you guys.