Light of the Jedi: If You Buy This It’s All On You

Light of the Jedi: If You Buy This It’s All On You

I admit it, I love the name.

The first sentence of the prelude would give pause to any Star Wars fan.

“The Force is with the Galaxy.”

On the off chance, you think this book might have sold because Light of the Jedi was well written, I present you the opening paragraphs of the first chapter:

           

 Three hours to Impact

            All is well.

            Captain Hedda Casset reviewed the readout and displays built into her command chair for the second time. She always went over them at least twice. She had more than four decades of flying behind her and figured the double-check was a large part of the reason she’d survived all that time. The second look confirmed everything she’d seen in the first period 

            “All is well,” she said, out loud this time announcing it to her bridge crew. “Time for my rounds Lieutenant Bowman you have the bridge.” 

            “Acknowledged Captain,” her first officer replied, standing from his own seat in preparation to occupy hers until she returned from her evening constitutional. 

            

Jesus wept.

I can’t write anymore of this; my fingers keep falling asleep. 

The entire first chapter is like this.

Soule’s background as a comic book writer is self-evident.  He is used to his artist doing the heavy lifting of building tension via the artwork. This is dull, boring, and tedious. Your first few lines are absolutely critical. You have to grab the audience’s attention and not give it up again until they turn the last page.

Let’s compare this slag with somebody who knows what he’s doing:

I heard the mailman approach my office door, half an hour earlier than usual. He didn’t sound right. His footsteps fell more heavily, jauntily, and he whistled. A new guy. He whistled his way to my office door, then fell silent for a moment. Then he laughed. Then he knocked.

Then he knocked.

I winced. My mail comes through the mail slot unless it’s registered. I get a really limited selection of registered mail, and it’s never good news. I got up out of my office chair and opened the door.

Butcher, Jim. Storm Front (The Dresden Files, Book 1) (p. 1). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

I will not be doing a review of Light of Jedi. I already suffer enough for you guys.

Share this post

Comments (11)

  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    I already suffer enough for you guys. “

    ah.

    i see the Gimp is getting uppity.

    January 26, 2021 at 2:06 pm
  • Steeve Reply

    I like the name too. I can’t decide if it should be pronounced “Ram Jam-o-ram” or “Ram Ja-moram”.

    January 26, 2021 at 3:19 pm
    • The Dark Herald Reply

      Either way it sounds like a fifties Doo-Wop lyric.

      January 26, 2021 at 4:05 pm
  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    fan films are coming a long way:

    January 26, 2021 at 3:23 pm
    • doug whiddon Reply

      This doesn’t seem to work for me. can you post a link instead of the imbed?

      January 27, 2021 at 12:08 am
  • Bies Podkrakowski Reply

    I wonder if he wasn’t trying to imitate this:

    “Captain Pellaeon?” a voice called down the portside crew pit through the hum of background conversation. “Message from the sentry line: the scoutships have just come out of lightspeed.”
    Pellaeon, leaning over the shoulder of the man at the Chimaera’s bridge engineering monitor, ignored the shout. “Trace this line for me,” he ordered, tapping a light pen at the schematic on the display.
    The engineer threw a questioning glance up at him. “Sir . . .?”
    “I heard him,” Pellaeon said. “You have an order, Lieutenant.”
    “Yes, sir,” the other said carefully, and keyed for the trace.
    “Captain Pellaeon?” the voice repeated, closer this time. Keeping his eyes on the engineering display, Pellaeon waited until he could hear the sound of the approaching footsteps. Then, with all the regal weight that fifty years spent in the Imperial Fleet gave to a man, he straightened up and turned.

    This book also has started a new era in Star Wars history.

    January 26, 2021 at 8:44 pm
  • Seeker Reply

    Who the heck did they get to edit this garbage? It can easily be made better, though it’s still a really bad opening.

    Shorten this:
    Captain Hedda Casset reviewed the readout and displays built into her command share for the second time.
    To this:
    Captain Hedda Casset reviewed the readout and displays for the second time.
    or this:
    Captain Hedda Casset reviewed the command readout for the second time.

    Shorten this:
    She had more than four decades of flying behind her, and figured the double check was a large part of the reason she’d survived all that time.
    to this:
    She figured the double check was a large reason she’d survived over four decades of flight.

    Shorten this:
    “All is well,” she said, out loud this time announcing it to her bridge crew. “Time for my rounds Lieutenant Bowman you have the bridge.”
    To this:
    “All is well,” she announced to her bridge crew. “Time for my rounds. Lieutenant Bowman you have the bridge.”

    Shorten this:
    “Acknowledged Captain,” her first officer replied, standing from his own seat in preparation to occupy hers until she returned from her evening constitutional.*
    To this:
    “Acknowledged Captain,” first officer Bowman replied. He stood up to occupy the command chair.

    * This should be written as two sentences instead of one. Stop doing this writers! The sentence should end at replied with the next sentence appropriately rearranged. This does not bode well for how the rest of the book reads.

    January 26, 2021 at 9:47 pm
  • Eidolon Reply

    Does this sound like Star Trek to anyone? I read lots of Star Wars books when I was a kid. I don’t remember there ever being much mention of first officers, or something like “Acknowledged Captain” ever spoken in any of them.

    In Star Wars you think of an X-Wing cockpit, or the Millenium Falcon’s cramped layout, you don’t typically think of a Star Trek-style command bridge. They have them, but when they’re mentioned it’s typically from the Empire side.

    If someone told you this was the beginning of a Star Trek book, would you be able to tell it wasn’t?

    January 26, 2021 at 11:25 pm
  • doug whiddon Reply

    Command share? Is that the word in the book? Do they mean “command chair”?

    I can say I have no intention of even pirating this dreck.

    January 27, 2021 at 12:04 am
  • Bibliotheca Servare Reply

    It’s kinda cruel contrasting Butcher with this dreck, isn’t it? Then again, this kind of literary abortion deserves such cruelty. And it was a welcome relief for my eyes. The first lines of Storm Front. Like a warm blanket compared to a bucket of ice water…or icy sewage.

    New York Times bestseller…pull the other one, it’s got bells on! (Talking to the NYT)

    January 27, 2021 at 5:35 am
  • Dane Reply

    I´ve not followed SW since the ´mudic maffia bought Lucas Film and… Ram Jamaram!?! What the effing eff is this?

    It feels like they are waging a campaign to dumb everything down to the level of the dumbest of the Prozac/Ritalin guzzlers, to “mould” them one would think.

    Ram Jamoram is the obese future they strive for.

    January 27, 2021 at 4:40 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *