What If – What If… Didn’t Suck?

What If – What If… Didn’t Suck?

Astonishing concept I know, but it finally happened. It took three episodes to get one that was, I can’t believe I’m saying this, good.

The contrivance for this episode was, what if the Avengers were killed before they became the Avengers. And they actually ran with it. They recreated famous scenes from various movies and at end of the scene the Avenger in question was pushing up roses.

***SPOILERS*** FROM HERE ON OUT.

When Black Widow gives Tony the injection to help with his palladium problem in Ironman 2, instead of getting better he starts having grand mal seizures and dies. Since it was Black Widow that did the injecting she is now under suspicion of murder. When Thor is trying to retrieve his hammer in the first Thor movie and Hawkeye is aimed in on him, his string slips and kills Thor. Hawkeye shortly dies in a holding cell.

All of the names on Nick Fury’s Avengers initiative are dying, but shockingly he has bigger problems than that. You see, being jealous of his brother was one thing but someone murdering Thor was another thing entirely. Loki shows up with the army of Asgard behind him and he wants an answer to the question, “who did it?”

The Hulk explodes in Fist of the Northstar fashion. And finally Black Widow herself is assassinated but not before uncovering the identity of the real killer.

The identity of the murderer is resolved to Loki’s satisfaction. However, he decides that as long as he is already here with the army of Asgard, he may as well conquer the planet. Which he does in a couple of days.

It ends with Nick Fury beginning to put together a new team of Avengers featuring Captains Marvel and America.

In retrospect, it wasn’t the best animated TV show I’ve ever seen. Or even the best superhero animated show. DC used to routinely top What If… in terms of quality without trying back in the 1990s. But I will say it’s the best Marvel Phase IV TV episode so far. And that is kind of sad.

The bar is now set so low that walking over it without tripping is now an achievement.

Oh, and Coulson is gay now.

What did you expect?

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Comments (8)

  • Dave W. Reply

    Still sounds like a Hard Pass to me.

    August 29, 2021 at 12:16 am
  • Albert Reply

    Well, of _course_ they made Coulson gay. He’s somewhat popular, and they don’t know how to make original gay characters that enough people are interested in seeing.

    Probably because they can’t help but be as blatant as ‘we’re coming for your children’ when they make overtly gay original characters.

    August 29, 2021 at 2:28 am
    • Joe S.Walker Reply

      Marvel (and DC) have big problems with creating new characters of any kind, for a simple reason: the writers and artists don’t want to do it because they won’t own their creations. They won’t have any financial stake in them, or any real creative control. This is why most of them do Marvel/DC work alongside their “creator-owned” books, which hopefully will be the ones that snag a big media deal or breakout into literary credibility and mass-market sales. They’re like so many prostitutes waiting for Mr Right.

      August 29, 2021 at 2:33 pm
  • EXALT Reply

    Miscellaneous thoughts:
    1)Black Widow dying was a pleasant surprise: when the episode started with her snarking Fury’s Avengers speech, I feared we were in for “turns out that, had Natasha led the Avengers, they would have been ten times more effective and Loki wouldn’t even have reached New York”.
    2)The episode is still led by a minority – Fury – but he is not really treated as a Minority Character like T’Challa, Peggy or Auntie Brie: he is not the Best One Ever being tormented by evil white men. Now that I think about it, the MCU has never used Fury as a Minority Character – heck, his use in Captain Marvel was downright white; I wonder why.
    3)Coulson is gay and apparently a necrophile as well, since he sniffs Thor’s corpse – twice! – and comments that “he smells like lavender”. Most WTF scene in the entire MCU, right there.
    4)Bruce Banner was drawn like Edward Norton, but voiced by Mark Ruffalo; that was weird. And Captain Marvel was not voiced by Auntie Brie at the end, which might fit with the Dark Herald’s theory that she’s done with Marvel after next year.
    5)”I will say it’s the best Marvel Phase IV TV episode so far. And that is kind of sad.” Yeah; at the end of the day this is still an episode mostly comprised of snark retreading movies from a decade ago. There’s an inherent limit to the quality it can have.

    August 29, 2021 at 10:30 am
  • Wazdaka Reply

    Still waiting for “White panther” and his ethnostate kingdom

    August 29, 2021 at 5:59 pm
    • Wazdaka Reply

      But it would probably be her kingdom to rule with 2 Queens
      😕

      August 29, 2021 at 6:01 pm
  • furor kek tonicus ( Whipper Snapping Egg Suckers is my band name ) Reply

    When Black Widow gives Tony the injection to help with his palladium problem in Ironman 2, instead of getting better he starts having grand mal seizures and dies.
    .
    .
    .
    *gasp*
    .
    the HORROR! why, i am shocked and amazed that Marvel would participate in the Alt-Right, anti-IFLScience!, NAZI conspiracy theory that jabs could even remotely be harmful!
    .
    either that or it’s Predictive Programming / the Satanic esoteric Magic principle that the victim must be informed of the harm that’s going to be done to them and they must “agree” to it.

    August 29, 2021 at 8:40 pm
  • Dane Reply

    Better you watch it than me, owe you one, DH;)

    August 31, 2021 at 12:20 am

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