Blogs and Ends: The Stuff I Didn’t Believe Edition

Blogs and Ends: The Stuff I Didn’t Believe Edition

I don’t run with every rumor that crosses my radar, despite the ever-hungry beast that is the need for daily content.  I don’t want a reputation for being Little Doomcock. 

So, once in a while I pass on posting a rumor that I’m not buying into on common sense grounds and it turns out to be true.  This week there have been a couple of things that I didn’t go with that turned out to be true.

FIRST

The Powerpuff Script

I’ll start by saying I am way too old to have an emotional stake in the Powerpuff Girls but I was aware of the show because my eldest daughter was the right age when it came out.  I get where the outrage is coming from.  The Power Puff Girls were superpowered little girls that loved fighting crime but still did little girl stuff. They had a bedtime and everything.  They’ve got fans with warm memories of these sweet, funny little cartoon girls.

The leaked script for the CW’s live action Powerpuff Girls reboot is one of those things that I didn’t cover because I knew it couldn’t be real. 

Wrong again.  The CW is copyright striking the script everywhere it crops up.  It’s real and it’s spectacularly awful.  

It turns out the Powerpuff Girls hated fighting crime and think the police should be defunded.  They are ultra-Woke sluts, one of them is a lesbian.  Somewhere along the line, Blossom murdered Mojo Jojo?!?!?  I mean he was evil, but he was a talking monkey.  Under no circumstances do you kill a talking monkey unless you are in a Planet of the Apes movie. Who the fuck greenlit these ideas for the Power Puff Girls?  

And the producers hired Diablo Cody to write it.  Forgive me for stating the freaking obvious but Diablo Cody is a 42-year-old Gen Xer. She hasn’t been a thing for the last 16 years. Her style of, (I suppose you would have to call it “writing”), was the hotness for all of five minutes in 2005. Why the hell would anyone hire her to write sharp, skewering, like, totally fire Zoomer dialogue in 2021?  

Bubbles: Blossom’s fine. I saw on her Insta that she has a boyfriend, I saw on her LinkedIn that she got promoted, and I saw on Facebook that she still talks to Grampa despite their political differences.

Buttercup: Coming back here is probably “triggering” for her.

Bubbles: ’cause she’s the one who killed Mojo? I mean, moveon.org

Yeah, that’s about as close to good as Cody ever got.  A decade and a half ago it came across as edgy cool.  Now her writing feels like Mom dancing with the high school boys.  “I’m so young and with-it you’d think me and my daughter were sisters!”

Like big yikes.

I’m older than Diablo Cody by a decade and I know for a fact that Zoomers won’t go near Linkedin or Facebook.  This is the old people internet. Cody should have been awkwardly trying to shoehorn in references to Venmo and TikTok.

Or given what comes next; OnlyFans.  

Buckle up, it gets so much worse from here.

Bubbles: look, we loved being Power Puff Girls, but sometimes we wanted to be other things, too. Like in Dirty Dancing. Baby wanted to join the Peace Corps but she also wanted to be a fancy slut. And her dad didn’t get it.

Drake (Emotional): Jerry Orbach was doing his best to understand.

We Zoomers love 1980s popculture references!

INT. Power Puff Girls home hallway Buttercups room – day

Blossom heads upstairs where the bumping sound continues from Buttercup’s room then abruptly stops. Blossom opens up the door and finds Buttercup in bed with Macy. The woman she eyed at the bar the night before they’ve just “finished.”

Blossom: Oh God, I’m sorry!

Buttercup: It’s fine. (To Macy) We’re done right?

Macy: I’d say 6 times is enough. 

Because being not just a lesbian but a slutty lesbian is super emo-powering. This is possibly the most tragic thing here, but this next gives it a run for its money.

Buttercup: Bloss wake up! Or we’ll leak your nudes everywhere!

Blossom: That worked for you once.

You can find better fanfic than this mountain of Woke ultra-cringe on Wattpad.  Fifteen-year-old high school girls write better than this. Sadly, we are to be denied this Woke horror show.  CW is so embarrassed by the universal, pan-political hatred, they have burned the pilot and claim they are reworking it.  However, it’s the exact same team so, I don’t know see how they are going to come up with anything substantially different.  A live action, adult Powerpuff Girls show is a fundamentally hideous idea but there is no end to the ways Diablo Cody can make it worse.

NEXT

Flash!  Amazon is in fact buying MGM studios after all. 

I’d heard this one too but didn’t run with it.  I knew that MGM had reason to sell their studios, and there have been rumors about a potential sale to various buyers since last year. But, I didn’t think Amazon had much reason to buy.

Metro Goldwyn Mayer started life as studio merger in 1924.  It grew into being one of the Big Five of Hollywood and had the best contract players in the industry, their motto during the Golden Age of Hollywood was “more stars than there are in heaven.” however, towards the 1970s its history became “troubled.”  The list of its bankruptcies, sales, acquisitions, and resales would take up several pages.  MGM got rid of its physical studio years ago.  It has gone in and out of active film production several times in the past 20 years.  

It’s attempts to get into streaming have been failures.  MGM streaming did nothing.  So, they bought Epix, which sees a little of what I call branch-swinger streamers.  People who sub for a month, watch the halo shows and disconnect again.  Obviously not going anywhere.  

MGM does own its own film library (again) which has 4,000 film titles and 17,000 hours of TV shows. However, it doesn’t have much in the way of franchises.  James Bond, Rocky, the Jackson Tolkien movies, Stargate and that’s about it.  Not much else on the radar besides Handmaid’s Tale.

So yeah, it made sense for MGM Holdings to dump the “studio.”

But I didn’t see what Amazon was going to be getting out of it except another anti-trust suit. Justice will have to okay this one and Disney and Discovery-Warner have plenty of reason to object on vertical integration grounds.

UPDATE: Disney isn’t cool about it but Discovery-Warner is cheering from the bleachers. Which means Discovery-Warner is fluttering its lashes at Apple, hoping for big tech buy-up themselves. If Apple is staying in the entertainment business and is in the market for a film library and studio, then HBOmax is a better fit for them than Disney would have been.

LAST

Marvel to buy DC

My instinct says there is nothing to this, but it already said that about the Powerpuff Girls and the MGM sale.  

Discovery-Warner has a new turn-around CEO, so yeah, maybe.  Those guys like to make their presence felt.

The sale of DC would help reduce what I suspect is a substantial debt burden that AT&T would be placing on the new spin-off company.  And it’s not like it’s been some kind of cash cow for Warner.  Bad Reboot has been given the keys to DC films and if Walter Hamada signed the kind of horrifying corporate enslavement contract that Les Moonves did for Secret Hideout (AKA Little Bad Reboot), I could understand if a new CEO, one who can tell good from garbage, would dump the whole franchise if he could get some decent money for it.

That’s the problem with this rumor.  Where would Disney get the money?  They are up to their eyes in debt.  And while this wouldn’t be a gigantic acquisition, I don’t think Disney can afford another $4 billion in debt.  Not after the brutal 2nd quarter they just had. In addition, Marvel is swamped with its own superheroes.  They don’t seem to know what to do with what they’ve got now, let alone deal with the entire DC pantheon.

My suspicion is there might be something to this rumor, but Disney isn’t the buyer.  The only guy with this much ready cash in his pocket is Rupert Murdoch and his new company is starving for franchises.

We’ll see what happens.

SECOND UPDATE: It came out that Bob Iger DID try to buy Warner in 2016. But the deal with AT&T was secretly already in stone. He wasn’t interested in getting back lost Marvel characters, he was just desperate to buy anything and Fox was his second choice.

Okay, I’m done here.

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Comments (13)

  • Wazdaka Reply

    Soooo, your instincts suck?
    Do you blame old age or an addiction to a mind wrecking substance.

    Otherwise good article

    May 26, 2021 at 5:35 pm
    • Robert W Reply

      Soooo, you’re a dick? He’s taking the time to put together valuable comment on each of these stories and your focus is that he didn’t do this post a week ago?

      May 27, 2021 at 12:03 pm
      • Wazdaka Reply

        It was a joke Robert. Do not take it seriously

        May 28, 2021 at 3:29 am
  • EXALT Reply

    “One of them is a lesbian.”
    The fact that it’s only one is a surprise; the fact that it’s the butch one from the original show it’s not. Wanna bet one of them will later realize she is bisexual?
    “I’d say 6 times is enough.”
    Lesbian Bed Death is a not a thing! And we’re not all fat and ugly in real life! I’m not crying, you’re crying!
    My favorite part of the script is when they explain the fact that the new actresses are the wrong race by saying that the original cartoon “whitewashed” the trio, because it’s the most brazen lie I’ve ever heard.
    BTW, this show was predicted by a Youtube parody video over six years ago; seeing is believing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAbq2jgw6y8

    May 26, 2021 at 6:06 pm
  • WiseSol Reply

    Regarding Powerpuffs:

    1. First off: Yikes!

    2. I had to look up Diablo Cody. Oh, she wrote the script for Juno, that brave film in which a young man becomes pregnant!

    3. “Under no circumstances do you kill a talking monkey.” Sure you do, if he’s immortal and you want his quickening. Behead the sucker!

    4. “I saw on Facebook that she still talks to Grampa despite their political differences.” That white supremacist bitch!

    Regarding Marvel buying DC: See, the dinosaurs are really panicking about Arktoons!!1! 🙂

    May 26, 2021 at 7:38 pm
  • Bryce Reply

    “I’d say 6 times is enough.”

    Breaking up and getting back together again?

    May 26, 2021 at 9:26 pm
  • SirFalterBrawley Reply

    I’m not ashamed in the least to say that Powerpuff Girls was my second favorite Cartoon Network show, after Dexter’s Laboratory, when I was a young lad. I was surprised when I first heard they were making a grown-up live-action with such an unwoke show from the 90s as their basis. I mean, one of the PPG’s arch nemeses is a tranny-demon named HIM and what made them so endearing was the juxtaposition of girly-girls also being super-powered crime fighters. The CW wouldn’t be able to stop themselves from stripping away everything likable about three superchibi lab experiments even if they wanted to, because CW’s average viewer would crucify them for playing it straight. It makes me wonder why they even bothered except that the property was available and Hollywood are cultural vandals whose sole reason for existence is desecrating childhoods.

    As for Amazon buying MGM, I don’t know how much worse they can screw up the Bond franchise given how the newest iteration is shaping up. But it’s Amazon, so I trust they’ll find a way.

    May 26, 2021 at 10:06 pm
  • jorgen b Reply

    So which Powerpuff girl did they make black, the brunette or redhead? There has traditionally been a agenda against gingers in hollyweirdo reboots.

    May 27, 2021 at 1:32 am
    • Seeker Reply

      The brunette one. That being said, the redhead looks more brunette now.

      May 27, 2021 at 10:24 pm
    • SirFalterBrawley Reply

      Buttercup, the green one, is the black lesbian. I can already predict that the CW will be lambasted for making the angry one black. Blossom, the redhead, is being played by half-white/half-chinese Chloe Bennet (Wang) from Agents of SHIELD, who’s cried to magazines about not being able to get jobs in Hollywood using her Chinese surname. Only Bubbles, who was the ditzy one in the cartoon, is played by a white woman. And the Professor is being played by Donald Faison, aka The Black Guy from Scrubs.

      May 28, 2021 at 12:07 am
  • WOPR Reply

    The PPGs was one of my daughter’s favorite cartoons. They at least had enough inside jokes to keep adults amused and the stories weren’t utterly stupid. I’ve never understood the point of “Let’s take a kids show but make it crude and gritty.”

    Are you ready to Wokegate? A team of diverse and fierce women travel the gate network to free planets from the patriarchy and white people.

    May 27, 2021 at 10:54 am
  • HrJlmn Reply

    The CW CEO that was explaining why they are going to rework the script is called PEDOWITZ.

    May 27, 2021 at 12:57 pm
    • Seeker Reply

      And this is another Berlanti production, so you already know what to expect.

      May 27, 2021 at 10:28 pm

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