Uncategorized Archives - Page 54 of 111

26SepSeptember 26, 2022

The Rings of Power – Episode V: Morgoth Smiles at His Children’s Fingerpainting

The Rings of Power pitch meeting "I shan't call it the end, till we've cleared up the mess." - Samwise Gamgee I have to watch this thing before anyone else in my house gets up. My family refuses to join me in my suffering. There are times to remind your children that you are the absolute head of the household, and your word is law but when you can’t blame them in the least for avoiding something this horrible, then it sure as hell...

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24SepSeptember 24, 2022

Arktoons Roundup Sept, 23rd, 2022

Welcome to the Arkhaven Roundup, a regular feature at the Arkhaven Blog usually on Mondays but I’ll be moving it to Fridays for the duration of Amazon’s soul-destroying Lord of the Rings pastiche. Anyway, the Arktoons Roundup is where I take a look at stuff that is new and interesting in the world of Arkhaven’s webtoons. If you aren’t familiar with Arktoons, this is meant more for you. I am the Dark Herald; I do the blogging here at Arkhaven. This blog is mostly...

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23SepSeptember 23, 2022

Andor – First Impressions

Please, I don’t want to see any green tits in Star Wars. That was my very first reaction to Andor, the new… Star Wars(?)... show on Disney +. I am very reluctant to call this a Star Wars show. It doesn’t feel anything like the Galaxy Far, Far Away from my childhood. This show isn’t dark and gritty so much as it is dark and grimy. It starts off with Andor walking through an Amsterdam-style redlight district, with various vulgar entertainments being offered in the...

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22SepSeptember 22, 2022

Tears of the Karen-Clowns

D23 was a humiliating experience for Brie Larson. There were people that were in line and out the door for Chris Hemsworth but there were only thirty people in line at Brie Larson’s table. Right before she came out, there was an announcement over the PA that she would be signing autographs. It was a sad, “please clap” moment that didn’t move the needle. Thirty people, that was it. George Takei gets more people than that at his meet and greets. The ridiculous part is that...

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20SepSeptember 20, 2022

The Fall of the House of Abrams

I am perhaps jumping the gun in predicting the downfall of Bad Robot and all who serve him. But even Hollywood can eventually accept the obvious. They may do it kicking and screaming, with a great gnashing of teeth but at the end of the day, money means more than anything else in Tinsel Town. Why am I saying that Bad Reboot has a problem? Because the unthinkable has finally happened. I’ll elaborate. John Constantine is returning to the big screen starring Keanu Reeves. This appears to...

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19SepSeptember 19, 2022

The Rings of Power ep.4 – The Rings of MAGA

Nooo, The Fall of Númenor will be published by the Tolkien Estate in November. Okay, okay, you can do this. Just do what you do to create any kind of new habit. Stimulus, action, and reward. Stimulus: Mash the Play button. Action: Suffer. Reward: Collapse sobbing. Right, I got this. Mashing Play now. An hour and ten minutes, oh god it’s getting longer. I’m never gonna make it. This thing is s-o-o-o… s-l-o-o-o-w. I know what they are doing. They are padding their run time to get to their...

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17SepSeptember 17, 2022

Arktoons Roundup Sept 17th 2022

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16SepSeptember 16, 2022

G4TV: An Unfortunate Idea Comes To A Fortunate End

G4 returns to the dustbin of history that it crawled out of. It’s over as of today. The staff showed up at the studio for their streams and were told to go home. G4’s Twitter account stated: Due to unforeseen circumstances all of our streaming content is canceled today. Unforeseen? That’s funny because I was foreseeing the hell out of it. So was everybody else. I’ve gone into detail elsewhere about G-4’s unearthly resurrection and how it came to be. I’m certain that it was Olivia Munn’s idea...

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15SepSeptember 15, 2022

How Did the Rings of Power Happen?

That’s a question that is going to be asked for a good long while. I can’t think of anything they got right at all. The casting is terrible, and they are all unknowns except for Sir Lenny Henry, and I can hear the chorus of owls going ‘who?’ through my computer. He’s playing the old, magic negro hobbit and I’m afraid he’s been a has-been for a *while. This was a $500 million dollar series and none of it could be spared for...

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14SepSeptember 14, 2022

Why Marvel Went Woke

This is from a source supposedly inside Marvel Studios and on the face of it, it would appear to be legitimate. According to this source, I’ve been right on some things but wrong on others. In a nutshell, Marvel’s original business plan was to reach saturation in the West. Which it did, mission accomplished. The next phase of their business plan was to saturate the China market. This was why Shang-Chi was produced. Disney was totally on board with this strategy and went all out...

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