The Iron Vault of Tax Write-Offs: Tim Burton’s Hansel and Gretel
Twitter was blowing up in Twitter rage this week because Coyote vs. Acme’s temporary reprieve had run out.
Gentle reminder: This movie was about a lawsuit that Wile Coyote launches against ACME, the company whose product line has failed him at every turn. I’ll be honest, it sounded to me like the premise for an ultra low budget 1980s Looney Tunes clip show. The kind where there is five minutes of cheap new material inter-spliced with clips from Termite Terrace’s golden age of the 1950s. If you’ve seen one, you know what I mean.
The director was claiming that his movie was absolutely hilarious and truly captured the spirit of the original Warner Brothers classic cartoons. This director was the guy who made Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, and the only actor whose name you would recongnize was John Cena.
It was hybrid live action movie like Looney Tunes Back in Action (2003), a movie starring Brendan Fraser and Steve Martin that was directed by Joe Dante. Please note that you recognized all of those names and the best that all that talent could deliver was a mediocre film I haven’t watched for nearly twenty years.
Nonetheless, people who had never seen it agreed it was great because David Zaslav obviously hated it. Apparently, Zaslav (gasp) hadn’t even seen it! However, the director kicked up such a fuss in public about his baby being thrown in the IRS Nile that Zaslav said, ‘Okay, shop it around town but here is the minimum price, and I’m not kidding.’
Dave Green started pounding on doors all over Hollywood. Netflix, Amazon, and anybody else with a streaming service.
There was some interest in Coyote Vs ACME but not at $75 million, (hell, that’s Taylor Swift money). A few of them made counter offers that were nowhere near Warner Brothers price.
The timer on when Warner Brothers could take a write down on this movie has run out and it’s being sent to the Iron Vault of Tax Write-Offs.
According to X.com it’s because David Zaslav is a fascist. Considering he was a member of the board of the Walter Kaitz Foundation, I would have to question his commitment to National Socialism.
It really didn’t matter if it was good or not. Don’t get me wrong, if this thing would have raked in a billion dollars in a theatrical release then Zaslav absolutely should have put it the theaters but it wasn’t going to do that kind of business or anywhere near it.
The early Millennials are the last generation for whom the Looney Tunes are a common touchstone. Even then it was getting a little too out date to meet modern standards and practices.
The rest of it felt like a postcard from another age, simply because it was. Zoomers and Gen Alpha can’t really connect with these seventy year old shorts.
Locking Coyote Vs Acme away was not about art. This was nothing but a business decision.
There are however other times when locking something away forever is simply done to preserve public sanity. A prime example is Tim Burton’s Hansel and Gretel from the early 1980s. They really didn’t know what they had with Burton and obviously hadn’t looked at what he delvered. This was never shown again.
This. Was. On. The. Disney. Channel.
