Who The Hell Is This Even For?

And I thought I wouldn’t be interested in anything announced at Comicon this year.

I am reasonably, if not absolutely certain that gemstones can’t be embarrassed but these have reason to be.

Marvel is going to be selling a $25 MILLION collection of six gems called the Infinity Stones Collection.

It’s too stupid to be real, yet it is.

• The Time Stone is a Colombian emerald is rare and brilliant in color. Untouched by human hands, straight from birth to be faceted for brilliance, experts suggest this stone was mined at the turn of the century in a location which produces the most desirable and emerald green. Documented by four prestigious gemology laboratories, this gem has no treatment, nearing 23-carats
  • About the Time Stone in the Marvel Universe – This unique Marvel artifact is at the center of the Marvel Universe itself. The Time Stone has the ability to manipulate time, even in places beyond time.

• The Space Stone is a sapphire from the island of Madagascar, over 30-carats
  • About the Space Stone in the Marvel Universe – The Space Stone allows its user to exist in any location, move throughout different realities, warp or rearrange space, teleport across planes regardless of the laws of physics or magical barriers, and even omnipresence.

• The Reality Stone is an oval-shaped, natural ruby from Mozambique, Africa, over 15-carats
  • About the Reality Stone in the Marvel Universe – Tasks, realities, concepts, visions—things that would normally be impossible to realize are made possible with the Reality Stone. And they can be done on a universal scale. In other words, aside from the power to will anything in or out of existence, it can retroactively create alternate realities around those changes.

• The Power Stone is an oval-shaped, natural amethyst, more than 35-carats
  • About the Power Stone in the Marvel Universe – The biggest mystery of all the Stones may be the Power Stone. The Power Stone allows its users to access and manipulate all forms of energy as well as enhance their own physical strength and durability. At full potential, the Power Stone can even grant omnipotence! Notably, this jewel also boosts the effects of the five other Stones; it’s like a kind of key to start the engine of the Infinity Stones as a single collective force. The ultimate power behind the Power Stone—and why it sits at a place of honor on the Infinity Gauntlet—does not necessarily come from the Stone itself, but from how the Stone interacts with the others.

• The Soul Stone is this cushion-shaped, Spessartite, exceeding 35-carats (I had to look this up. Spessartite is a Garnet, which means this color pallette is wrong, it should be brownish-red).
  • About the Soul Stone in the Marvel Universe – The first to appear of all the Stones, the Soul Stone served as inspiration for all the rest. It can manipulate the soul and essence of a person, control life and death, and contains a pocket dimension called the Soul World.

• The Mind Stone is a high clarity, intense color rectangular brilliant cut yellow diamond, close to 35-carats
  • About the Mind Stone in the Marvel Universe – The Mind Stone allows its user to enhance their mind, awaken or heighten psionic abilities like telepathy and telekinesis, and—when combined with the Power Stone—even access all minds in existence concurrently. In the spirit of the Mind Stone, we’re taking a look at the minds responsible for some of the most significant Infinity Stone stories ever!

Who is this for?  Let’s say my idea for a chain of emotional support chicken grooming salons takes off and I have the option of buying this collection of stones, which does indeed come with its own Infinity Gauntlet.  Why would I?  I can’t give it to my wife, she would be humiliated to have a husband that rich and clueless.  Which means she wouldn’t have one in very short order.

Maybe a nerd girl side piece? Again, I’m getting a terrible divorce settlement when my wife finds out.  And no nerd girl side piece worth $25 million exists. It’s a contradiction in terms.

I don’t think there are any silicon valley billionaires under twenty two at the moment so it can’t be for them, what with their not existing.

If you come from a tasteless culture where displaying insanely gaudy wealth is still a major flex, you can’t use this for that.  If everyone is laughing at you, you are not flexing on them.

You know this collection of stones is for?  The Walt Disney Company.  This is the most corporate Disney decision imaginable.

Okay, I’m done here.