Disney Please, I Want to Talk About Anything Else

Disney Please, I Want to Talk About Anything Else

Is there a “Y” in this day of the week?

There is?!?!

Then I guess it’s time for another Star Wars Galactic Cruiser video.

I’ve been swamped by these things. I’m getting so tired of all this cringe. I really need a break from them.

This is the welcome trailer that guests receive after they’ve booked a stay. It’s been “leaked.”

Why do they think this is an improvement?

Did you catch the reference to the Age of Exploration? That’s more important than you think.

The complaint I keep hearing (and have made myself repeatedly) is that this thing doesn’t look like Star Wars.

But it actually is following an aesthetic.

It’s he one that is being established for Star Wars The High Republic, (I told you it wasn’t dead).

I strongly suspect the Scott Trowbridge is working hand-in-glove with the Star Wars Story Group to keep their vision of Woke Star Wars alive. Here is the announcement trailer the High Republic era video game Eclipse that was just dropped yesterday.

Obviously, none of these scenes are in engine captures. This is literally no different from fan trailers in that regard. And there is gigantic gulf between an announcement trailer and a finished game. This MMO is going to be years in the making if it’s ever finished at all. However, the artdesign of Eclipse appears to be consistant with the Halcyon’s.

So yes, this hotel/expeirence thing does look like Star Wars, it’s just the one nobody wants. Yet another reason this project will be an epic fail.

The most ridiculous part of the Star Wars Galactic Cruiser is that Star Wars has NEVER been a luxury brand. The total good-life is nowhere in Star Wars DNA. Han Solo’s blaster belt is not made with Hermes leather nor is it accessorized with boots by John Lobb. Faberge has never made a lightsaber. These things are as out of place in that universe as I would be in that hotel.

The Galaxy Far, Far Away has, with a few exceptions, always been about life in the cheap seats. If you want to make it Star Wars than the Halcyon should be a dingy, tarnished tramp frieghter. All of the passengers are doing somehing the Empire disaproves of whether smuggling arms to the rebels or hiding Jedi knights. Basically, give the customers an adventure.

Of course that is far to close to “giving the customers what they want” instead of “what they really need” so far as the Woklings at Imagineering are concerned.

Bring marshmallows. The fire from this crashlanding is going to be a big one.

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Comments (11)

  • Wazdaka Reply

    Personally can’t get enough of laughing at this crater forming impact
    Keep it coming

    The game trailer looked quite good, so it’s probably the last we will ever see of that project.

    December 10, 2021 at 3:42 pm
    • Azathoth Reply

      The only thing this $6,000 hotel stay is going to generate are divorces.

      December 10, 2021 at 4:41 pm
    • The Dark Herald Reply

      That trailer is a rush job if I ever saw one.
      The faces keep blurring before they render out. It’s really obvious when the drummer turns around but you can spot it elsewhere in that video.

      December 10, 2021 at 9:04 pm
  • Cloudbuster Reply

    What’s with the intermittent static? Why are we always supposed to believe that civilizations so advanced that they have interstellar travel have actually gone back to mid-20th century levels of video resolution and signal integrity?

    December 10, 2021 at 7:13 pm
    • Chris Lopes Reply

      My guess is it’s supposed to mimic the worn out video tape look of a welcome message that’s been played much too often. That conflicts with the space Vegas look of the rest of the “experience”, but they obviously don’t care. This thing wasn’t designed by people who understand anything about esthetics.

      The imagineers do seem to be (pardon the pun) wedded to this High Republic shit that no one is buying. The lived in universe look that Lucas created over 40 years ago has been the Hallmark of the franchise ever since. It’s the world fans want to play in. It’s the world they expect. This Jason of Star Command wannabe crap isn’t going to sell.

      December 10, 2021 at 8:33 pm
      • The Dark Herald Reply

        It’s supposed to be a throwback to the old Star Tours boarding video that was indeed run constantly until it was mostly worn out.

        Picture that, run on a loop for years. The problem is for (I keep saying this amount) $6000 I want a hell of a lot more than nostalgia bait.
        Thank you for reminding me of there was time you cared about your parks Disney!

        December 10, 2021 at 8:47 pm
  • WOPR Reply

    I keep thinking about how they could make this work. General thoughts are:

    1. Divide the hotel into three separate parts, Rebel transport, Imperial transport, and space station.
    2. You get a mission or job based on being on the Rebel or Imperial transport. (deliver/receive message, find something, ship fighter defense, ship security/crew, etc.)
    3. Both ships dock at the space station for a couple of nice meals and some entertainment. Otherwise you get a cafeteria on the transports.
    4. You could even take a shuttle down to Galaxy’s Edge.

    The main problem is developing an immersive experience that handles people and kids who won’t play along. Plus making sure the experience feels like there are consequences for failing. You might even throw in ringer passengers. For $6K though, this doesn’t seem like something you can put on rails and cattle car people through for a couple of days.

    December 11, 2021 at 2:55 am
  • TroperA Reply

    What I don’t understand is that they could have made an “immersive park experience” based on the Original Trilogy and printed money till the cows came home. Nobody wants to play in Disney’s “Woke Wars” universe and the kids are only going along because their parents are dragging them to the latest trending thing for bragging rights. But just imagine if you were a kid in the 70’s and you got to hang out in a Disney park based on Mos Eisley, the Death Star or Cloud City. Or Jabba’s palace. You’d feel like you were in Heaven, and you’d pay to keep going there. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to settle for an inferior fanfic version of this fantasy, because Disney is run by morons who hate SW’s original fans.

    December 11, 2021 at 4:44 am
    • Chief_Tuscaloosa Reply

      I read (might have been here) that there was a clause in the contract to sell Star Wars to Disney that George Lucas retained some percentage of toy sales for original characters. If that was true, that alone would almost completely explain why Luke and Han Solo had to be ruined as heroes, so as to force the kids to look up to the Wokeiverse characters Rey and whatever the black dude’s character’s name was. A Disney resort where you could still look up to Luke and Han Solo would have cost Mickey the Great and Terrible money. Better to rule in hell than serve in Heaven is a philosophy that thousands of gammas at Disney not only understand, but subscribe to.

      In short, we will never be able to vacation with our kids in Mos Eisley, Cloud City, Yavin, or Endor. Based on the videos of the Galactic Cruiser though, you could squint and pretend you were in the bowels of the sub-contractor section of the Death Star. And you could wish and wish for the torpedo to set you free, but it would never come.

      December 12, 2021 at 6:45 pm
  • Skyler the Weird Reply

    Great Wolf Lodge does tacky vacationing better and it’s only $1200 for 3 nights. Sorry kids for $6000 I want a Carribean or Aegean beach and the Alchemy Bar on the ship next to the Serenity lounge.

    December 11, 2021 at 11:54 am
  • Star Tripper Reply

    That static trailer reminded me of something from the Dark Times, before the Internet.

    December 14, 2021 at 11:20 pm

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