Eternals Tracking Softens After Rotten Rating

The opening weekend projection has been dropped from over $100 million to the mid-sixties.  After Eternals dipped below 60% on RT and stayed there.  The review battle was valiantly fought with Rotten Tomatoes frantically rounding upwards when it should have been down, changing votes to Fresh that were obviously Rotten.  And finally, frantically creating new reviewers who obviously hadn’t seen the movie.  They finally gave up, it’s at 58% as of this morning, certified Rotten by critics.  And that doesn’t include the newspaper reviews that are still embargoed.

This means that money wasn’t spent on the shills to promote this movie.

STOP LYING TO YOURSELVES. 

DISNEY HAS NOT RUN OUT OF MONEY.

Disney got a gigantic bailout as soon as Biden got in.  Their spreadsheet is now strained but basically sound.  And critics are cheap to buy.

This isn’t about a lack of funds.

This is about the war between Bob Chapek and Kevin Feige.  Chapek is slapping down a rebellious vassal and trying to make him submit to his authority.  When Kathleen Kennedy knelt and kissed the ring; she was rewarded with a new contract extension in the face of her record of consistent underperformance and brand damage.

But Feige thinks he’s untouchable.  He has convinced himself that it was his Marvel formula (that I have discussed here) that made him the biggest producer in Hollywood history, rather than the characters that Stan Lee created.  Feige is now trying to prove it was him all along by replacing classic Marvel Comics characters of the past with the Woke comics caricatures from the last seven years.  Kevin pretends he’s a huge comic book nerd but if you read his older interviews he’s quite upfront about never having been into them.

Keep in mind, the Eternals were supposed to be Feige’s replacements for the Avengers, the Russos admitted he wanted all the white faces gone. And this movie was marketed on its Wokeness.  

The funny thing about the Wokeites, as much as they decry “colonizers” they are the worst colonizers on the planet. 

Feige: We need to appeal to India, for money and Inclusivity.  Who should we cast?

Woke Producer: Kumail Nanjiani!  

Kevin Feige: I’ve heard of him! That means he’s important.  He had that Amazon movie about his wife not dying.  And the comedy special where he brags about being a Beta-Male.  He’s amazing.  Yes! He’s the man we need to attract the India audience, he says all the things rich white people like to hear!

Non-Woke Producer:  According to Wikipedia he’s not from India and his middle name is Ali. Are you sure the Hindus are going to like him?

Woke Producer: He’s Brown. He complains about how racist his White in-laws used to be. And he says the Things Kevin Likes. Is there something you’d like to say? 

Non-Woke producer: I’mnotaracist! I’mnotaracist! I’mnotaracist!

Kevin Feige: That’s better.

No one from India had ever heard of Kumail Nanjiani.  Although when they found out he was Pakistani they got pissed.  If they wanted the Hindustani audience then they should have gone with Hrithik Roshan.  He’s 47 but he seems to be carrying it well.

But it was never about what India wanted, it’s what Colonizers like Kevin Feige think they should want.

However, what Bob Chapek wants is toy sales and Eternals toys have managed the near-impossible of selling worse than Rose Tico dolls.  That was undoubtedly enough for the accountant with the soul of an accountant to snap shut the purse on “extraneous promotional expenses” like blogger shills. 

But don’t go thinking for a second that Bob Chapek is a hero.  My next Disney piece will be titled The Aggressive Mediocrity of Bob Chapek.

Okay, I’m done here.