Blogs and Ends 4/7/21 – The Humpday Dump

Blogs and Ends 4/7/21 – The Humpday Dump

We got trailers today. 

They suck and we got’em. 

FIRST

 The Star Trek teasers.  

I told you they sucked.

CBS All Access has officially failed. You can tell that it failed because Paramount has now buckled down, took an unflinching at their many mistakes, then went back to square one. And gave the streaming service a much needed completely, completely

…different name.

It’s now Paramount Plus.  So, as you can see it’s also a very original completely different name.  And they are repeating the same mistakes that they had to have known were mistakes when they launched CBS All Access.  The only real improvement this new version will have is access to the Paramount film vault. I suppose that’s something.

Gone are the days when just having a streaming service was enough to be successful at it.  It worked for Netflix and Amazon but that was ten years ago and it hasn’t worked for anyone since then.  

You need a “halo property.”  You need an exclusive IP that will give people a reason to log on to your service. Disney hit it out the park with The Mandalorian.  

Although, when you look at the details that was kind of unique situation.

The Last Jedi had drastically damaged fan relations with Star Wars fans.  They had taken out their displeasure on Disney by staying away in droves from Solo a Star Wars Story.  The leaks and trailers for The Rise of Skywalker looked like that film would somehow manage to be worse.  However, the Star Wars fandom wantedto give the franchise one last chance.  Mando, delivered just enough of old Star Wars to satisfy them.

Paramount is a in a different situation with Star Trek.  

Here’s the trailers

And here is the season 2 trailer for (gag) Picard.

The problem here is that Bad Reboot’s retarded little brother, Secret Hideout is still in charge of Star Trek.  Alex Kurtzman’s take on the franchise is the primary reason it failed so completely.  This would be like Disney Plus, loudly touting their brand new Star Wars: Tico by Ryan Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy, back when the service first launched.

This crap didn’t sell before and it’s not going to sell now.

Apparently, I’m supposed to get excited because Q is going to be in this season of Picard.  

I’m not.

I reluctantly grant that Strange New Worlds might have something going for it. But only if there is a shred of truth to the rumor that Kurtzman has been completely sidelined.

NEXT

Black Widow has a new trailer.  This film has been in the can for better than a year and Disney has been paying at least a million dollars a month in interest payments alone.  This is to say nothing of the opportunity costs incurred by having so much capital tied up for so long in one film.  They need to get it out there.

Right now, the plan is to do Disney’s usual thirty-buck special on Disney Plus for early access.  However, Godzilla Vs Kong has done well enough overseas that Disney has to be strongly reconsidering this business plan.

It does have one fairly fundamental problem.  Black Widow is to the best of anyone’s knowledge; dead.  It’s going to be hard to get an audience in Natasha’s past when she has no future.

NEXT

Loki’s series is going to be launching on Disney Plus on June 11. Tom Hiddleston looks like he will be dining well upon the scenery.

On the one hand it looks much better than Falcon and the Winter Solider, (which isn’t saying a hell of a lot).  On the other I don’t know how I feel about this “variant” character.

Loki had completed his redemption character arc when Thanos killed him at the start of Infinity War.  This is a Loki from two Thor movies ago.  His character has been rewound to where he is now evil again.  Presumably he’ll be redeeming himself again.  Honestly, this feels like fan fiction to me but it looks like it will be easier to watch than Falcon and the Winter Solider.

By the way, I’m done with that series.  I can’t bring myself to finish it.  Sorry.

LAST

There is new animated Batman OVA.  I normally wouldn’t bother but Jensen Ackles is now doing the voice of Batman and I want to see what he can do with it.

Okay, I’m done here.

UPDATE:

Not really a trailer but worth a look.

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Comments (12)

  • MrUNIVAC Reply

    Owning a streaming service has a lot in common with owning a video game platform. People won’t subscribe to your service unless it has good content, and producers won’t make good content unless your service has lots of subscribers. The answer is for the platform owner to create content to attract subscribers, which Disney was doing great at until KK kicked the Star Wars fan hornet’s nest again.

    The key difference is that there are only four main video game platforms, and multiplatform games make up 90-95% of their content. There are at least a baker’s dozen streaming services now, and all of them area using content exclusivity as their one selling point. It would be like if every video game company made their own box that played their games, and ONLY their games. There’s a reason why there are never more than 2 or 3 companies making video game platforms at any given time, and these streaming services are unfortunately going to learn about it the hard way in the next few years.

    I wonder if pissily firing Gina Carano and sinking the one great thing that Disney+ had going for it will be the straw that finally breaks Kathleen Kennedy’s back. One can dream…

    April 7, 2021 at 6:55 pm
  • Wazdaka Reply

    Well, the Batman animation looks to be the only one I want to watch, and I’ve recently read the long Halloween yet its still better than Picard the retard, STD (why is there a cat within a dramatic montage) and marvel hopium.

    April 7, 2021 at 7:08 pm
  • Cloudbuster Reply

    Dean Winchester as the Dark Knight. Yeah, I can close my eyes and hear it.

    April 7, 2021 at 8:27 pm
  • Cloudbuster Reply

    Ever Anderson looks like she nails the look of young Natasha, but I’m always very concerned for young actresses in Hollywood. If you look at photos of her online there are worrisome signs she’s being groomed for that den of degenerates.

    April 7, 2021 at 8:36 pm
  • ElRojo Reply

    These streaming wars are going to play out very oddly.

    Netflix has no syndication model. So they have to deal with huge upfront costs to get and pay for talent. They cancel shows that don’t immediately bring in subscribers after one season making for a horrible back catalogue. These factors should eventually catch up with them. And they are Woke.

    Amazon Streaming is similar to Netflix – but being part of the Amazon empire they have permanent access to cash infusions Netflix doesn’t. And they are Woke.

    HBOMax, Disney +, Paramount+.. They have syndication potential – they can eventually cycle their shows down to their respective cable/network tv outlets to keep monetizing them on the back end. That should mean they would pay less upfront than Netflix does. This should give them a long term competitive advantage. But their content is just not there to give them the market position to topple Netflix yet. And they are all Woke.

    IMHO, it is going to be a circus… Between Paramount, HBOMax, and Disney+, Netflix should get crushed within 5 years. Amazon should be bleeding.

    But if Netflix gets smart and cuts a deal/merger? With a currently smaller fish like NBC for syndication – who knows.

    But all of them are woke! And they are allowing that to f-up their content that people should be flocking to. We will be watching the keystone cops streaming wars.

    April 7, 2021 at 9:28 pm
    • Seeker Reply

      Amazon is putting up an insane amount of money for the LOTR TV show. IMO, the failure of that show (and I think it will fail), will be the end of their push. If you want another example of this, the failure of the Amazon game Crucible (which probably cost at least 60 million to develop) has had them shelve most of their gaming ambitions.

      As an interesting sidenote, Valve just developed a Dota animated series called Dota: Dragon’s Blood that they put on Netflix. While it wasn’t on their own service, I wonder if they are considering getting into streaming and this is a test of the waters. You can already buy movies, tv shows, and music on Steam, they’ve got streaming capabilities, and they’ve got a massive server infrastructure set up. Could be interesting.

      April 7, 2021 at 11:28 pm
      • ElRojo Reply

        I believe that LOTR or rather Lords of the Woke, will be a big litmus test for Amazon. They have already spent an insane amount. If it flops, hey its only money…

        Peacock/NBC universal still seems to be a smaller player for now. Maybe taking a more slow and steady pace – still no flagship series. And they are just as Woke as everyone else – they are developing a reboot of queer as folk. But they do have the ability to do syndication as well.

        It seems any non-woke programming any of the streamers put out is a result of accidental oversight rather than intentional normie outreach…

        I’d like stuff like Unauthorized to get bigger – but upfront costs to enter these entertainment markets is insane. And there are seemingly no sugar daddies on the right willing to blow millions for several years just to capture market share so they can recoup their investment on the back end. The left has access to untold millions…

        The big 4 networks having their free tv broadcasts to bring them in steady $$$ is a HUGE competitive advantage. People forget that most in the US still only watch free tv. Even if one of them went bankrupt – that’s no guarantee that they will learn their lesson – or that they would be willing to sell to just anyone if they decide to go that route.

        Pedowood has done an outstanding job of kicking out the ladder for up and coming competition.

        April 8, 2021 at 4:08 pm
    • Chief_Tuscaloosa Reply

      Unauthorized.TV has zero competition in the non-Woke, non-Trans, non-multi-racial couple CHILDREN’S TELEVISION market if they choose to enter it. Crossing fingers. Quitting Netflix was easy, but would love a replacement streaming service that doesn’t insist Shawn the Sheep be black on the re-boot (give it time, that prediction is guaranteed).

      April 8, 2021 at 1:40 am
    • Eli Reply

      I was under the impression that NBC also had a streaming service. Peacock I believe it is called. The fact that you didn’t mention it probably goes to show that most people don’t talk about it. Doesn’t bode well for them in the long term.

      April 8, 2021 at 1:44 am
      • The Dark Herald Reply

        Peacock does have one show that is easily worth the subscription. I should be getting to it either today or Friday.

        April 8, 2021 at 9:57 am
  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    so far as Loki is concerned:
    i suspect that the trailer cuts are actually in broadcast order, specifically the last two vignettes. does it really matter how far ahead of us silly humans Loki is plotting when the silly humans are just looking at the timeline outcomes and seeing the result of schemes?
    .
    therefore, Loki probably sprung a trap on his human handler, was doing his evil villain monologue and the Time Cops rewind the time stream and undo Loki’s little plan. that’s why Loki is so conciliatory there at the end.
    .
    from a meta storytelling perspective, they can’t expend all this effort building up the Time Cop Agency and then allow Loki ( especially “evil” Loki ) to toast it. where would the series go from there?
    .
    i’m somewhat interested in this just to see how they address the time travel problems the estimable Mr. John C. Wright lays out in his Tenet essays:
    https://www.scifiwright.com/2021/03/tenet-part-i/

    April 8, 2021 at 1:13 pm
  • Jack Amok Reply

    Anyone else notice the obvious? TDH sideswiped it pointing out the problems with Loki and Black Widow – that their character arcs already played out, so now they have to rewind to some earlier point.

    None of these trailers have new characters. Well, Trek Disco sort of does, but they suck (courtesy of Token Wokeism) and it’s still a fifty year old IP that’s had five mutli-year TV series and – what? a dozen? more? – movies. Between Trek, Star Wars, Marvel, and Batman, how many reboots and alternate timelines have there been? Just in the last fifteen years.

    The IP is played out. The characters have lived their lives, filled their arcs, shown off their worlds. Time to move on.

    April 8, 2021 at 7:59 pm

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