It’s Gonna Suck: The Haunted Mansion (2023)

It’s Gonna Suck: The Haunted Mansion (2023)

I’ve got to say, somebody at Disney’s marketing department knows what they are doing.

It’s a Zillow listing for the Disneyland Haunted Mansion.

Yep, Disney is trying to make another Haunted Mansion again and it is a fundamentally terrible idea.

Pirates of the Caribbean was easier to work with because the ride was a macabre adventure with a few gags thrown in to break what little tension there was. It has no real characters, no fixed setting, and no real plot, so the writers had a lot of freedom to maneuver.

The Haunted Mansion on the other hand was a spooky dark ride. Not scary mind you, but spooky. It is more about creating an eerie atmosphere than sudden jump scares. With, of course, a few Disney gags thrown in. But it does have a problem, unless the year is 1970 a movie like that is not going to sell.

Now back in 1970, it would have been an easy sell for Disney. Kurt Russel and Leslie Ann Warren are a young couple in love but her Dad, Wally Cox, won’t give his blessing unless Kurt owns a house. Kurt is desperate to find the nicest house he can afford. Buddy Hackett is a real estate broker that is about to get fired if doesn’t unload the old Gracey Mansion. Kurt is so excited by the price he is ignoring Buddy’s anti-sales pitch because Buddy is honest and doesn’t want to sell a cursed property. Kurt just thinks this is a sales technique and buys the place on the spot. Leslie Ann Warren is so in love with the new house she wants to have her wedding in it. This naturally, attracts the interest of The Bride. And the zany, spooky comedy begins.

It would have worked then but there is no real audience for this today.

The only real chance this IP ever had in today’s market was Guerrmo Del Torro’s project. However, Disney being Disney drove him off once he got the 3000th note.

They’ve put together an ensemble cast and spent way too much money on this.

Here’s the new trailer:

Well, it looks better than Ghostbusters 2016, but I wouldn’t call that high praise.

I didn’t laugh or even crack a smile during the trailer. Never a good sign for a comedy. Fundamentally this thing is limited by Disney itself. Something that leaned into horror a bit more could have worked. The kids see the ghosts but the parents don’t believe them and then they get possessed by the Bride and the Groom who are going to reenact the Wedding Night. But this single-mom thing is fundamentally terrible.

Yeah, it’s gonna suck.

Discuss on Social Galactic

Share this post