Streaming Popculture Holocaust

I was expecting Black Friday to come after Thanksgiving.   

The only show that I wanted to see last weekend was Ghostbusters Afterlife.  But between a suddenly dead freezer and ¼ of steer that just finished getting processed, which absolutely had to be picked up because firearm season had started and the slaughterhouse needed the space for Deer, my weekend was sunk.

I did get however get to watch a little TV, and wished that I had read in a book instead.

Three new shows broke and another wrapped up last Friday.  All of them were pretty bad in their own way.

Wheel of Time, Amazon

I can give Wheel of Time this much.  It was only as bad as I thought it would be.  Although, that is not exactly high praise. They blew a big chunk of the book in the first few sentences of narration.  Since the dragon who broke the world was male, the newly born dragon that was going to heal the world would also have to be MALE.  An unthinkable horror to the post #metoo film industry.  They actually went right out and said, it could be either male or female.  Thus sinking a huge part Robert Jordan’s pretty damn extensive narrative.

Then there was the all-pervading over representation.   Fantasy has a pretty long rich history of multi-racialism.  Read any Conan book, you’ll find every hew and color of humanity if you keep reading Howard’s stories long enough.  But there was always an explanation for it. Black men came from Zembabwea, brown men from Stygia.  Those with almond eyes came from far off lands of the Khitai.  And yes, in a place like Zhamora, “the crossroads of the world,” you would expect to see a much more cosmopolitan mix.  

But a fucking mountain village in what is clearly and obviously a European setting won’t have a population that is only 15% white.  This east coast college campus masquerading as rural hamlet was so ludicrous it was constantly taking me out of the story. 

The only part that was consistent with a fantasy setting was having the village razed during the middle of their annual festival.  Villagers should NEVER have an annual festival unless they have a Cimmerian sleeping one off in the stable.

The Trollock attack was good, I’ll give it that.  But I am shivering in horrified anticipation of what Amazon Studios has in store for Tolkien. 

Cowboy Bebop, Netflix

I think what they were going for here was something comparable to Rodriguez’s Sin City.  They didn’t get there but that is what they were going for.  This one isn’t so much bad as it is not worth the minimal effort involved in watching it.  There is nothing going on here that wasn’t done better in 2D animation twenty years ago. 

It’s just another live action remake of an anime classic and it’s about as good as Scarlett Johannsson’s Ghost in the Shell.  After the first scene it’s a shot for shot recreation of the first Cowboy Bebop. Except it’s not as good and Faye Valentine was way hotter as a waifu.

Star Trek Prodigy, Paramount+ 

This is the 3D animated kid’s Star Trek currently premiering on Paramount+ (but the first episode is free on YouTube.  

It is a kid’s space opera.  You couldn’t really accuse it of being a Star Trek show except it has the name on it.  

Plot:

There are five kids in a children’s prison colony.  One of them eventually discovers an abandoned Federation starship in totally perfect working order.  The kids take it and leave.  Janeway shows up as hologram advisor like the Doctor from Voyager.

That’s the plot.

I’ll give credit where it’s due.  Since all of the kids are aliens the Woke is kept in check.  There is a pointlessly long Abrams type action scene where you know that none of the kids are in any kind of danger since it’s first episode.  The scene that had me laughing out loud was when the boy who originally planned this prison break mournfully whined, “I thought I was going to be Captain.” 

There is a kick-ass girl warrior and you thought you were going to be captain?!?!? Ha! Ha! Ha!  Only if she allows it kid.

Anyway, nothing in this show is science driven in the least.  It’s all action, all the time.  Basically, just another Secret Hideout show pretending to be science fiction.  There is no reason to watch it.

Foundation, Apple+

 Since this is the last episode of the first season of the show I should probably do a proper the Dark Herald Does Not Recommend, later.  

However, I’ll say this much right now.  The only reason I kept watching was the drama surrounding the Imperial Family.  The rest was boring and Woke.

Okay, I’m done here.