The Wait is Over! We Now Know How Kathleen Kennedy is Going to Screw up Indiana Jones!

The Wait is Over! We Now Know How Kathleen Kennedy is Going to Screw up Indiana Jones!

That’s right guys!  The feminist franchise killer herself Phobe Waller-Bridge is form of the destructor.  

We weren’t sure how Kray-Kray Kay-Kay was going to fuck-up Indy but we were all knew in our hearts it was going to be something special.  In retrospect, we should have seen this one coming.  My gal Phoebe has been demolishing every franchise with a milliliter of testosterone in it for years. 

In her devastating wake, Han Solo was left a bumbling man-child, Lando Calrissian was fucking a toaster. And James Bond will be wandering around with his balls rattling in his wife’s purse, while the diversity-hire slaps him around, as she orders him to stay in his lane and out of her way!

From Deadline:

Plot details are still vague on what new adventure awaits Jones, as are details behind who Waller-Bridge will play. The film is set to bow on July 29, 2022.

Waller-Bridge has had quite run after her TV show Fleabag became a critical darling, eventually sweeping the 2019 Emmys including wins for Best Actress and Best Comedy Series. Since then she has been busy on the TV and film front, serving as an exec producer on the hit BBC show Killing Eve as well as serving as a writer on the next James Bond pic No Time to Die. She is also set to co-star with Donald Glover in the Amazon series Mr. & Mrs. Smith, where she will also serve as an exec producer and writer.

This would mark a sort of pseudo-reunion for Waller-Bridge and Lucasfilm, having voiced L3-37 in  Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

Well, I think this is it for the last of our boyhood heroes. There is no one left at this point.  Not unless my gal Phoebe gets hired to have Femputer drag Robocop for his toxic masculinity while pointing out that his dick got shot off by Boddicker, so, he can just stop trying so hard.  

This project was still born when Chris Pratt was fired in favor of giving Harrison Ford yet another turn with the hat and whip.  The whole point of Indiana Jones isn’t that he was any kind of a good character.  It was that you wanted to be Indiana Jones.  That was super-cool when he was a hot guy in his mid-thirties shooting SS troopers.  But it’s not going to be cool at all when he is broken down geezer in his seventies with Phoebe Waller-Bridge constantly dunking on him. 

Okay, I’m done here.  See you on Monday.

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Comments (10)

  • EXALT Reply

    So… are we taking bets?
    Daughter? Nazi-bred clone who escapes her programming? Random woman who just happens to be the greatest archeologist of all times plus a genius scientist plus a martial artist of the highest caliber?
    Also, since she’s white, they’ll have to make her at least bisexual, right?

    April 9, 2021 at 7:32 pm
    • Simmering Frogpond Reply

      Choice C, no bets required. The key narrative of all modern feminist propaganda is that any if not every woman off the street is just inherently better and more righteous than the greatest man for no reason and with no work required to make her good.

      Also white female leads are usually only made rug-munchers if the “story” is a coming-out tale or other naval-gazing “queer experience” self-congratulatory docudrama. If her sexuality is incidental to her being stunning and brave, she’ll be paired with an oiled-up black dude to further snub and emasculate the white boys in the franchise and the audience.

      April 9, 2021 at 7:47 pm
      • EXALT Reply

        “Also white female leads are usually only made rug-munchers if the “story” is a coming-out tale or other naval-gazing “queer experience” self-congratulatory docudrama.”
        Yeah, you’re right – I wasn’t thinking very hard while writing that part; still, since Waller-Bridge was instrumental for giving us the “Lando Calrissian f*cked droids when he was young” idea, I’m guessing there will be at least one scene of her implying she likes girls too.
        “she’ll be paired with an oiled-up black dude to further snub and emasculate the white boys in the franchise and the audience.”
        OTOH, I can’t agree with this: while white men in media are being emasculated, blacks don’t fare much better: think Finn from Star Wars, Ryan from Doctor Who, any black guy from a CW superhero show, even Young Nick Fury in Captain Marvel!

        April 9, 2021 at 9:47 pm
        • Simmering Frogpond Reply

          Portraying blacks as superior boyfriend material to white men doesn’t necessitate portraying them as more physically dominant or competent, in fact that would be counterintuitive to the gender-blurring/wife-wears-the-pants agenda running concurrent to the Brown Tide. Still doesn’t change the fact that depictions of miscegenation are effective demoralizers to their primary targets of subversion.

          Our Wizards of Oz are short-sighted, obsessed with trying to have their cake and eat it too, and are increasingly incompetent at their execution of their propaganda. Are you seriously skeptical that they would be so haphazard as to attempt to keep trying to sell the myth of black hyper-virility to lib women and cucks while at the same time overcorrecting on the gangsta-glorifying and attempting to beta-tize black men into becoming Steve Urkels after finally realizing that encouraging feral behavior at the same time as they make America majority brown and finalize their seizure of permanent power was literally begging for a Haitian Revolution scenario?

          April 10, 2021 at 12:07 am
  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    Cataline
    Well, I think this is it for the last of our boyhood heroes. There is no one left at this point.

    .
    uh, Daniel Boone, Caractacus Potts and Davy Crockett? oh, yes, i probably shouldn’t give them ideas. i’ll stop now.
    .
    the best thing about Phoebe? the Waller-Bridges are landed gentry from

    wait for it

    Cuckfield ( in the hundred of Buttinghill, in the rape of Lewes ), Sussex.
    .
    .
    you literally can’t make this stuff up.

    April 9, 2021 at 9:24 pm
    • Bibliotheca Servare Reply

      Ye gods and little fishes, you’re not kidding! Reality is truly more absurd than any fiction.

      Cuckfield, in the hundred of Buttinghill, in the rape of Lewes. Wow. It’s freaking destiny.

      April 10, 2021 at 4:39 am
  • Bonesaw Reply

    Indiana Jones is a pedophile.

    Not only were Spielberg and Lucas talking about how young they wanted the girl he statutory raped to be, but re-watch that first scene where he returns to talk to her now she’s all grown up.
    The dialogue itself is disgusting where she’s talking about how young she was and he brushes it off, but look at how he enters the scene: his giant shadow falls over her symbolising the size difference when he was a man and she was a young girl and he raped her. Then she turns around and has a look of horror on her face as she recognises him.
    It’s a genuinely sick scene when you remember they wanted her to be a preteen when they had sex, her dialogue and his dismissive attitude and response, and the symbology of his overly large shadow and her reaction as it falls over her.

    Indie should be no ones hero other than Harvey Weinstein.

    April 10, 2021 at 5:28 am
  • WiseSol Reply

    Simmering Frogpond: “The key narrative of all modern feminist propaganda is that any if not every woman off the street is just inherently better and more righteous than the greatest man for no reason”

    In the words of our glorious leader: “There’s not a single thing a man can do that a woman can’t do as well or better. Not a single thing.” For some strange reason, I didn’t hear anyone condemning this as female supremacism.

    April 12, 2021 at 6:30 am
  • WiseSol Reply

    “We Now Know How Kathleen Kennedy is Going to Screw up”

    I’m reminded of this:
    https://www.youtube.com/embed/8Zq3KCBed5Q?rel=0&start=320&end=353

    April 12, 2021 at 6:34 am
  • Monday morning kaiju culture clash - Didactic Mind Reply

    […] The Dark Herald explains that the Devil Mouse has now brought over feminist “comedienne” and writer Phoebe Waller-Bridge to “modernise” (read: RUIN) the next, and PLEASE GOD LET IT BE THE LAST, Indiana Jones f…; […]

    April 12, 2021 at 11:01 am

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