Blogs and Ends 4/7/21 – The Humpday Dump

We got trailers today. 

They suck and we got’em. 

FIRST

 The Star Trek teasers.  

I told you they sucked.

CBS All Access has officially failed. You can tell that it failed because Paramount has now buckled down, took an unflinching at their many mistakes, then went back to square one. And gave the streaming service a much needed completely, completely…

…different name.

It’s now Paramount Plus.  So, as you can see it’s also a very original completely different name.  And they are repeating the same mistakes that they had to have known were mistakes when they launched CBS All Access.  The only real improvement this new version will have is access to the Paramount film vault. I suppose that’s something.

Gone are the days when just having a streaming service was enough to be successful at it.  It worked for Netflix and Amazon but that was ten years ago and it hasn’t worked for anyone since then.  

You need a “halo property.”  You need an exclusive IP that will give people a reason to log on to your service. Disney hit it out the park with The Mandalorian.  

Although, when you look at the details that was kind of unique situation.

The Last Jedi had drastically damaged fan relations with Star Wars fans.  They had taken out their displeasure on Disney by staying away in droves from Solo a Star Wars Story.  The leaks and trailers for The Rise of Skywalker looked like that film would somehow manage to be worse.  However, the Star Wars fandom wantedto give the franchise one last chance.  Mando, delivered just enough of old Star Wars to satisfy them.

Paramount is a in a different situation with Star Trek.  

Here’s the trailers

And here is the season 2 trailer for (gag) Picard.

The problem here is that Bad Reboot’s retarded little brother, Secret Hideout is still in charge of Star Trek.  Alex Kurtzman’s take on the franchise is the primary reason it failed so completely.  This would be like Disney Plus, loudly touting their brand new Star Wars: Tico by Ryan Johnson and Kathleen Kennedy, back when the service first launched.

This crap didn’t sell before and it’s not going to sell now.

Apparently, I’m supposed to get excited because Q is going to be in this season of Picard.  

I’m not.

I reluctantly grant that Strange New Worlds might have something going for it. But only if there is a shred of truth to the rumor that Kurtzman has been completely sidelined.

NEXT

Black Widow has a new trailer.  This film has been in the can for better than a year and Disney has been paying at least a million dollars a month in interest payments alone.  This is to say nothing of the opportunity costs incurred by having so much capital tied up for so long in one film.  They need to get it out there.

Right now, the plan is to do Disney’s usual thirty-buck special on Disney Plus for early access.  However, Godzilla Vs Kong has done well enough overseas that Disney has to be strongly reconsidering this business plan.

It does have one fairly fundamental problem.  Black Widow is to the best of anyone’s knowledge; dead.  It’s going to be hard to get an audience in Natasha’s past when she has no future.

NEXT

Loki’s series is going to be launching on Disney Plus on June 11. Tom Hiddleston looks like he will be dining well upon the scenery.

On the one hand it looks much better than Falcon and the Winter Solider, (which isn’t saying a hell of a lot).  On the other I don’t know how I feel about this “variant” character.

Loki had completed his redemption character arc when Thanos killed him at the start of Infinity War.  This is a Loki from two Thor movies ago.  His character has been rewound to where he is now evil again.  Presumably he’ll be redeeming himself again.  Honestly, this feels like fan fiction to me but it looks like it will be easier to watch than Falcon and the Winter Solider.

By the way, I’m done with that series.  I can’t bring myself to finish it.  Sorry.

LAST

There is new animated Batman OVA.  I normally wouldn’t bother but Jensen Ackles is now doing the voice of Batman and I want to see what he can do with it.

Okay, I’m done here.

UPDATE:

Not really a trailer but worth a look.