The Lords of Chaos Triumphant

The Lords of Chaos Triumphant

The time of the Kali Yuga has descended upon the DCEU.

In case you are wondering, what the hell does that mean?

“In the DC Comics canon, the Lords of Chaos are higher beings of great mystical power that represent chaos and acted as the avatars of the concept of change during the Ninth Age of Magic. Empowering followers with their magics, they fight the Lords of Order as their ultimate goal is to bring about the “Kali Yuga“, a term use to describe a period where chaos reigns ultimately supreme.”

And chaos is certainly reigning supreme at DC Films.  

There is no doubt in my mind that Marvel Studios is headed off a cliff but at least they are all marching in the same direction at the same time. Yes, they are also going to end up at the bottom of the cliff themselves. But if you must have a train wreck at least have it be an orderly one.

DC Films on the hand is running in every direction in apparent blind panic.  Try everything at once isn’t the greatest business plan out there.

After Zach Snyder’s failures and Whedon’s reskinned Justice League severely underperforming, it finally looked like things were on the upswing for DC Films.

Wonder Woman (2017), Aquaman and Shazam! All did well at the box office and had very positive fan engagement. It gave an appearance of a DC Films division that had turned things around.  Joker blew the doors off and did so against a fairly low budget.

It turned out that this was just a deceptive little straightaway on the DC roller coaster, before the sudden drop.

Wonder Woman 84 was a disaster for everyone but Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot.  When the feminist dynamic duo first heard their film was going to be dropped straight to HBOmax they howled in fury but then got paid ten million each.  Roughly what they would have made in residuals if WW84 had made a billion dollars at the box office.  And there was no way in hell that abortion was going to pull down a ten-figure take.  Take the money and run ladies! You delivered the worst movie superhero movie since Superman 4 and you made out like bandits doing it. Respect!

And now of the three Batmans available it is Michael Keaton who is now the Official Batman of DCU

No, I swear I’m not making that up.  Between, Affleck, Pattinson and Keaton, DC is going with the guy who turns seventy this year to headline its top action franchise.

That is the word from Walter Hamada, the president of DC Films at Warner Media. And I’m pretty sure(?) he wasn’t joking.  Then again who can tell with DC these days?

And speaking of Hamada.  Ray Fisher who played Cyborg is under impression that he can dictate which film president he will “work with.” 

Not “work for,” you understand, “work with.”  

When Fisher publicly went after Joss Whedon, there was restrained shock in Hollywood, because nobodies in Hollywood like Ray Fisher, do NOT attack veteran somebodies like Whedon.  Not unless there is a damn good reason.  The was a view of, “wow, we knew Whedon was a secret creepy misogynist, but we didn’t know he was a racist too.” There was quiet support for the young actor’s courage.  But with Fisher’s public declaration that he will never work with Walter Hamada again, the view has now shifted to “who the hell does this special little snowflake think he is?” 

Fisher had two (count’em TWO) screen acting credits before Justice League. I can understand an inexperienced actor bonding with a director who is an actor’s director and then resenting his replacement with a guy who treats him like a prop. But this outburst against Walter Hamada has more than a whiff of a drama queen who ludicrously overvalues his talent.

Anyway, we get to officially find out about Keaton being elevated to King Batman in the new Flash movie. The one that stars the gender-fluid weirdo who got drunk and beat up a woman in Iceland. And still kept the part because he is a gender-fluid weirdo and no one in Hollywood dares fire one of those.

Honestly, Michael Keaton is probably in better physical condition than Robert Pattinson.  Sparkly Batman had nothing to do during the Lockdown but get himself in shape for a movie that requires him to look like he can convincingly beat-up stuntmen the size of linebackers.  Pattinson appears to have spent all those months sitting on the floor eating spaghetti and ice cream.  He showed up both skinny and potbellied. Good trick! His excuse was that an over-rated ham from the 1950s never got in shape for his parts either.

Amber Heard remains Mrs. Aquaman despite having the messiest divorce in Hollywood for the last ten years. But Believe All Women even if they take a shit on the bed. 

Finally, we have the saga of the Snyder Cut.  His fans were convinced that his “bold, reimagining” of DC Comics Superheroes Universe was back on after he was brought in to create a desperately needed eyeball magnet for HBOmax called “The Snyder Cut.” Moar dark and gritty!  

And now Snyder is admitting that the Snyder Cut is a dead end.  Nobody at DC with a win under their belt wants to go back to letting him be king of the playground and Walter Hamada was none too cool about being overruled by the big bosses at AT&T about spending seventy million on a film that was released three years ago.

Snyder is being smarter about this than his Cyborg actor. He is trying to keep relations warm with people who will still be working in Hollywood in ten years. Sure, Ma Bell is the big boss of Warner for now, but for how long?

The Kali Yugi began to drift in when AT&T got great big dollar signs in their eyes.  Ma Bell was a telecom queen since forever (in one form or another), she added cable and internet to her empire.  Once she had a team of horses she went looking for a cart. A long-standing studio that could be turned into a streaming factory raking $20 billion a year just like Netflix is doing, would fit the bill.

Or to be slightly more accurate, how Netflix CLAIMS it’s doing.

Frankly, we pretty much only have Netflix’s word that they are as big of a money machine as they say they are.  There are a bunch of little signs that they are the Enron of the entertainment world.  And AT&T is following in their footsteps. So, Ma Bell may eventually ditch Warner Entertainment.

Regardless, Snyder is out again once The Snyder Cut is finished and Batffleck is out with him.  AT&T is temporarily convinced it needs to take a more hands-off approach again, now that they’ve discovered that A-List talent won’t work with Warner Media. Because there will be no backend residuals from all the films that are getting dropped on HBOmax this year and Hollywood liberals turn into Republicans when it comes to their paychecks.

How will all this turn out?

No idea, DC Films is no longer a subdivision, it’s a bunch of warring tribes and no none seems to be able to get it under control. 

Okay, I’m done here.

UPDATE: Walter Hamada’s interview with The NY Times is now rumored to have been a “commissioned piece.” If true Ma Bell is going to be weighing the possibility of getting rid of Hamada.

SECOND UPDATE: It was a commissioned piece and Keaton is NOT the main Batman. It’s Affleck.

THIRD UPDATE: Ray Fisher is out as Cyborg. A surprise to no one, except Ray Fisher.

Share this post

Comments (7)

  • EXALT Reply

    You know you’re in trouble when the freaking CW has a more coherent version of your shared universe.

    January 5, 2021 at 6:05 pm
  • Joe S. Walker Reply

    Sounds like Ray Fisher has what might be called “John Boyega Syndrome”, i.e. the delusion of a mediocre performer that getting publicity as a diversity hire means you have a Platform.

    January 6, 2021 at 2:30 am
  • Bonesaw Reply

    It’s like D.C. wants to lose money. They should just copy phase 1 Marvel – you know, the version people really liked.
    Find a capable leader and put them in charge, then back the hell away and let them create a shared universe. Then tie the biggest characters together into a Justice League.

    One of the shames is D.C. has stained many of their greatest characters and most well regarded storylines, but they can still savethis – if they simply stop being fools and do the right thing.

    January 6, 2021 at 5:59 am
    • The Dark Herald Reply

      DC Films’ fundamental problem has always been being owned by Warner Media.

      Marvel Studios had a beautifully clean start because they weren’t owned by anyone but Marvel. Top to bottom everyone understood the characters and the stories.

      Warner has never really understood the JLA at a corporate level. Bug Bunny they get, Superman not so much. And they knew they had a very spotty record with regards to superhero films. Superman; big hit. Superman 4; utter disaster. Batman; big hit. Batman and Robin; epic fail. So it made them insecure about making any big decisions about the DCU.

      Given their corporate culture finding their own Kevin Fiege and putting him in charge was impossible. So they defaulted to selecting “a single artist’s vision.” And then Christopher Nolan turned them down flat, so they went with the only other guy who made superhero films for them, Zach Snyder.

      And Snyder who doesn’t get selfless heroes, consequently, he can only “deconstruct heroism.”

      And deconstructed DC Films in the process.

      January 6, 2021 at 12:01 pm
  • Brick Hardslab Reply

    You need a patriot for a good Superman. Somebody who can bring light and color to the world and knows that, ‘the American Way’ really is the best.

    How many guys in Hollywood can do bright colors anymore?

    January 6, 2021 at 4:52 pm
    • Corey Ashcraft Reply

      Bright colors? And do them well? Patriotic Themes?

      The Zack Snyder of 2007 who directed 300 created the illusion that he could, but only the illusion.

      I can only think of one director who would get Superman, and it is the director of the Rocketeer and Captain America the First Avenger. That is the guy to I trust Superman with. Is he even still around?

      January 6, 2021 at 5:23 pm
      • douglas dean whiddon Reply

        Joe Johnston. Still working.

        January 8, 2021 at 6:12 am

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *