Blogs and Ends: Disney’s Other Investor’s Day Announcements

A remake of Shogun?  Seriously?

There were quite a few other announcements I didn’t get to on Friday’s post because I don’t care about them, but a few of my readers do, so here we go.

Let’s get the minor stuff out the way.  There were a few hurried announcements for stuff that Disney apparently forgot they owned now.  

FIRST

F/X is going to be doing an Alien series that is rumored to be set on Earth and is allegedly retconning everything that happened after Aliens.  So, here’s hoping that Alien 3 was just a bad dream and that Newt and Hicks are just fine. 

They are also doing a remake of James Clavell’s Shogun.  Which is a little odd.  Sure, it’s got a name that predates “the popculture blurring effect,” but it has a few elements that make it a pretty odd duck today.  Clavell set the story in what is clearly the late Sengoku “Warring States” Period.  It covers the events leading up to the Battle of Sekigahara. But Clavell renamed all of the major and even minor figures.  It’s just kind of off.  Game of Thrones was only inspired by the War of the Roses. This is like taking the War of the Roses, but factions are between the Purple Rose of Wessex and Green Rose of Sussex and you have Williams and Johns where there were Edwards and Henrys in the real world but everything else was the same. It’s just kind of weird and confusing.   I suppose Clavell had options because in 1980 the only people in the West that knew anything about the Sengoku Period worked in obscure history departments. Today your average mid-wit knows who Tokugawa Ieyasu was.  Doable in 1980, kind of peculiar now.

NEXT

What we thought was going to be Disney 18+ is now going to be called Star+ (with a few other regional variants on that name) and it’s exclusively outside of the US.  Which officially makes it none of my business.

NEXT

Hulu gets a fifth season of Hand Maid’s Tale which will be it’s last if Biden gets in.  They also had other stuff no one will watch.  Plus, something that caught my eye, Y: The Last Man.  That was based on a comic where all the men in the world, right down to the fetuses, die in one night. Except for one man.  It’s almost the opposite of Handmaid’s Tale.

NEXT

More Pixar stuff is getting dumped on Disney+.  Just looking over the upcoming films, I can safely say that John Lasseter’s removal is now being keenly felt. Especially given that the best talent at that subsidiary is following their old boss to his new job.  It will survive for a few more years but then the production side will be rolled into Disney Studios. Pixar will be a software company after that.

LAST 

Marvel brings its failed 2015 comic book line up to the small screen.  Why are they doing this?  They don’t know.  They just know they had to do something and it’s 2020 so going into their unWoke past to find better storylines is just plain out.  So now they are bringing the comics that wrecked Marvel Comics to the MD+U! 

I won’t be including all of the announcements made at the investors meeting for Marvel. Because a lot of the those were for projects that were already known. 

Ms. Marvel: The story of one of the most consistently failing comic book characters in history is now going to be live-action!  See the character who has almost as many canceled titles as Wonder Woman brought to vivid life on Disney+.  Kamala Khan will let nothing stop her! Not disastrous comic book sales. Not a catastrophically calamitous video game launch. Not utter rejection by the comic book fanbase. Nothing!  Why does Marvel keep pushing this rolling disaster with deformed Popeye arms?  Because Sana Amnet now rules the roost at Marvel Comics and there is no way in hell she is giving up on her Mary Sue.  And Woke-ass Disney cannot possibly fire a Muslim feminist no matter how badly she performs.

Iron Heart: The story of a Peter Parker wanna be whose origin story is nowhere near as interesting.  Teenage super genius wants to be a superhero… And grows up to be a superhero. What an intriguing and deeply layered story.

Exciting!!!

She-Hulk: If this is going to be something like the comic reboot from five years ago then it’s going to be Hulkie McBeal.  Also, she will be sad all the time and almost never do anything hulk-like.

Shang-Chi and The Legend of The Ten Rings: See Dixiney’s latest attempt to blatantly pander to China! Also, who the fuck is Shang-Chi? Money on the table, I never heard of this guy, so I have no idea what this is about. I am willing to bet (and even pay up) he was introduced back when Kung Fu was on TV. Disney marketing is going to try and convince people that he’s up there with Doctor Strange.  He’s not. There’s a reason you never heard of him either.

Marvel’s What If… : Alternate history stories using garbage tier, bargain-basement animation. Still, if you want to see Peggy Carter as Captain Britannia this one is for you. And I don’t want to know you.

The Eternals: This was Jack Kirby’s answer to his own DC-based Fourth World series when he came back to Marvel.  It has failed repeatedly as a comic book but there was a rumor that Warner Media was going to greenlight a Fourth World series so this got rushed into production. There is actual footage in the teaser, so the cameras are rolling somewhere.

Moonknight: The character is interesting. Basically, a Bruce Wayne who gets superpowers. I don’t know if they will manage to do anything with it.  At least he’s better than Shang-Chi.

Armor Wars: Okay, this one wasn’t a bad storyline when it came out. Tony Stark’s tech falls into the wrong hands.  Starring Don Cheadle.  It has potential but it’s going to have to be a monster for me to bother to look at it. Also, screw Don Cheadle he’s now a proven SJW.

Captain Marvel 2: Starring Brie Larson. Doomcock was wrong and the Dark Herald was right.  The tea leaves I’d read, strongly indicated that there was no way that Woke Disney was parting with her willingly.  Although, it wouldn’t surprise if they didn’t want to pay full price.  I suspect someone “leaked” this one to Doomcock while Larson was in negotiations with Mickey the Great and Terrible, in order to frighten her agents.

Loki: A six-part mini-series that looks like it will be a major test of whether Marvel can still generate major interest after Endgame.

Secret Invasion: A follow-up to the Skrull storyline introduced in Captain Marvel. Starring Samuel L. Jackson.  “The story involves a subversive, long-term invasion of Earth by the Skrulls, a group of alien shapeshifters who have secretly replaced many superheroes in the Marvel Universe with impostors over a period of years, prior to the overt invasion. Marvel’s promotional tagline for the event was ‘Who do you trust?’”

I won’t lie, right now it speaks to me.

Wanda Vision: Bewitched meets Life on Mars? Maybe. We’ll know soon enough.

Guardians of the Galaxy (vol 3): Now with fifty percent more gay!  Ellen/Elliot Spencer decided to shriek about Chris Pratt’s church this weekend.  Kevin Feige shit himself on command like Pavlov’s Dog hearing a dinner bell and suddenly Star Lord was an ardent polysexual.  Hang tough Chris, you’ve only got one more film to do and it’s over.  Hopefully, you won’t have a love scene with Groot. 

Okay, I’m done here.