Ezra Miller to Be the New James Bond?

That’s who they must want if they follow through on this.  

Eon Pictures head Barbara Broccoli said as much in an interview with Vanity Fair. 

“It’s an evolution,” she (Barbara Broccoli) says. “Bond is evolving just as men are evolving. I don’t know who’s evolving at a faster pace.”

It’s reasonable to assume she avoids any part of America where the men don’t wear nail polish.

Craig, she adds, “cracked Bond open emotionally,” bringing audiences into the character’s inner life. “The films over his tenure were the first time we really connected the emotional arc.”

Way, way back, deep in the closet is where, I suspect, you can find the source of Daniel Craig’s emotional evolution.  During his entire run as James Bond, the only time he demonstrated any kind of believable sexual interest was when Javier Bardem was stroking his inner thighs in Skyfall.  Whether Craig is actually gay or not is irrelevant at this point. The fact is, his Bond was a Bi.

‘James Bond will evolve as men have evolved.’  This means Broccoli (who is the British head of Times Up) will be delivering a James Bond for 80-pound men who think that Elliot Page is the right kind of man to be, and 300-pound, purple-haired Femcels.  A James Bond for people who have 365 genders, so they never have to wear the same one twice in a year. 

Delivering the right Bond is never easy.  The guy who epitomizes masculinity in the zeitgeist of any given era isn’t somebody you can just find in the corner pub.

Tom Holland is the right age and has the right looks but is too damn short.

I thought Idris Elba was a bad idea until I read about what EON is planning to do with James Bond, then I started having second thoughts. But Elba was smart enough to say, “when I look in a mirror, I don’t see James Bond.”  Plus, he’s too old now.

Henry Cavil would be great but, according to a little bird who repeated what he heard in the Dark Herald’s ear, Cavil has been signed to play some guy in a red cape and blue tights for the next ten years.  IF this is true, Cavil will be appearing in a post-credits scene in Black Adam.  There is no way that EON would sign an actor who is famous for something other than being Bond.

EON has a very big problem with Bond and they are scrambling for an answer.  Any kind of answer.

Skyfall made $1.1 billion

Spectre pulled in $870 million

No Time to Die’s haul was $760 million.

This is clearly and obviously a state of declining interest in the franchise.  Of course, they can blame the actor.  Craig was thirty-five when he signed up but he was in his fifties when he clocked out. Sure, women were panting when he climbed out of the surf in Casino Royale, but he hasn’t provoked that reaction for some time.

But that wasn’t the Bond’s real problem.  The fundamental issue is that EON started indulging itself in character development. 

Bond is frequently accused of being a Mary Sue by people who don’t know what a Mary Sue is or rather they want to accuse a popular character of being one.  

A Mary Sue is an author self-insert that is defined by her innately high exceptional personal capability, and constantly being validated by everyone and everything around her.  This frequently includes rewriting the rules of the universe she inhabits just to make her look better.  

Bond however is a Gary Stu.  A Gary Stu is an author self-insert that is defined by his innately high exceptional personal capability, and only being able to maintain his identity by doing more and more spectacular shit.

Both a Mary Sue and a Gary Stu have one other thing in common.  They are static characters. They. Do. Not. Change.

Casino Royale worked for one reason.  Craig’s character wasn’t James Bond yet. Not as we think of him at the start. But at the very end, after he has gone through his character arc, we see him shoot Mister White in the leg and they walk slowly up to him to introduce himself as the Bond theme plays for the first time in that movie.  “My name is Bond. James Bond.”  

While character development worked in that one movie.  He needed to stop developing after that and become static, but he didn’t. He kept having character arcs in each movie. At the end of Craig’s cycle, it was clear that he was the only man in the world that did NOT want to be James Bond.

Another issue that has frequently cropped up since Barbara Broccoli took over the family business, is that she wants a female James Bond.  She tried it with Halle Berry and it went nowhere.  The rumor is she went way overboard with Lyshanna Lynch.  So much so, that major reshoots had to be done when it tested abysmally.

Barbara Broccoli hasn’t given up on Woke James Bond.  Not even a little bit.  She is going to have to have a couple of bombs with the threat of being dropped by her studio before she changes course.  And that is assuming she does.

Which brings us back to the question of: ‘Who is going to be the next James Bond?’

Ezra Miller was just a little joke on my part. He’s an American which makes him wholly unsuitable for the role.

It will be Harry Styles.