He Chose the Armor

To the surprise of absolutely none of my readers, Baby Yoda picked the Armor.

I’ll cover the sobbing here as it occurs.

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This episode was terrible and Disney knew it was going to be terrible.

The rumors were that this last episode was being reshot and recut up to last night. Basically, they were trying to “get the zany out.”

Which is why Han Solo’s cameo got memory-holed.

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As bad as this episode was, the true tragedy is this:

It is probably the death of the sequel to Alita Battle Angel.

There is no way in hell that Disney is going to trust Robert Rodriguez with a budget like that after this bomb.

That one is over.

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I suspect we’ve lost an entire season of the Mandalorian. I think Gina Carano’s character was too integral to that storyline. Mando needed to spend a year apart from Baby Yoda pining for each other to build dramatic tension for their reunion. As it is now, there wasn’t much point in him leaving Mando in the first place.

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It is the end.

Doomcuck has sworn off Star Wars.

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The big mistake was showing this thing at all. They should have cited Covid problems and claimed they could never finish it before various contracts expired. I’m sure that was what Favreau wanted to do when he saw the dailies. But Chapek is an accountant with the soul of an accountant. He couldn’t bear the waste.

There was so much dumb in this episode. Having R2-D2 flying Luke’s X-Wing with Baby Yoda as its sole passenger was a WTF moment. It felt like “I’m sending your seven-year-old son back to you, across the entire country, by bus. But don’t worry, I’m sending my retarded manservant Blobgarth with him. They’ll probably get there.” If Luke couldn’t have taken him by himself he would have sent Baby Yoda with an adult. I honestly figured that was where Han Solo was going to come in.

Boba is facing something like fifty to one hundred bad guys, (the number was never made clear) so his brilliant plan was to divide his pathetically meager forces and send them to remote parts of the city all by themselves. Where they got pinned down one by one.

The girl power sniper scene wasn’t dumb, just cringe. I wasn’t invested in Drash and I don’t think they even gave the black girl from Mos Hicktown a name. They just knew they needed a cringey, “girls get it done” scene so they slapped one together.

Boba Fett’s offer of “nothing,” was clearly a reference to Michael Corleone and it had no right to be in a show this bad.

Boba Fett riding the Rancor into battle… Sure, why not.

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I’m not sure what the post-credit scene was supposed to hint at. Cobb Vanth was in the bacta-tank and Mod-surgeon was about to get to work on him. Maybe it was supposed to be a hint about an upcoming show but after this disaster, they probably don’t want to tie themselves down to actually meaning anything.

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Today was Disney’s Q1 earnings call.

Chapek claimed $7 billion in gross revenue for the quarter. Disney will change NOTHING.