Monthly Archives - July 2021

16Jul

Star Trek IV Reaanounced…Again

This is...what the fourth time now? So, yeah. The fourth of the Bad Reboot associated Star Trek movies has been announced yet again. From Deadline: "After orchestrating the Marvel/Disney+ series WandaVision to a 23- Emmy-nomination haul, Matt Shakman (Oh god, please no) has made a deal to direct the next untitled Star Trek film for Paramount and Bad Robot’s JJ Abrams. Deadline hears the film will now move at warp speed (*GAG*) and begin production next spring. They have a script by Lindsey Beer and Geneva Robertson-Dworet. This is...

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15Jul

Loki Ended in the Worst Way Possible

Loki was very much an Identity Politics driven show. This, unsurprisingly, brought along a lot of Woke baggage as well a variety of Mary Sue feminist heroines. The title character started off as a Loki who gets pulled out of time at the end of the first Avengers movie.  He has not undergone the redemption arc that will turn him from trickster villain to trickster hero.   Which was what people who tuned into this expected to see.  Loki would go through a hero’s journey...

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12Jul

The Dark Herald Recommends Black Widow

The biggest question over this film; is Marvel Studios capable of self-renewal? It’s the issue that hangs over any Hollywood winning streak.  No matter how big a franchise is, it doesn’t take a lot to make the audience walk away from it.  The calendar flips, presidents are changed, the new and exciting makes the old “new and exciting” look dull and cliched.   Did you know that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone were once the biggest stars in Hollywood? It’s true! I’ll answer this question at...

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12Jul

Interesting Theory: Black Widow a Hit?

Disney says it.  So, it must be true. Mickey the Great and Terrible is claiming a global haul of $230 million world wide for Black Widow’s opening weekend. Nothing suspicious about that.   Unless you actually look at it for a second. It might have a few problems then. $60 million on Disney Plus $80 million domestic Box Office $79 million foreign BO. These numbers are really, really ROUND.  I mean they hit their objectives on the nose.  And…AND they got exactly what Disney said they were going to get.  Nothing suspicious...

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10Jul

The Dark Herald Recommends: The Tomorrow War

Time travel movies are always a problem. Either they fall into logical pitfalls due to screwing around in the past or they are in the predestination genre, where everything the character does advances a narrative that you already learned in the first half of the movie. The latter can be clever, but the truth is after you’ve seen a couple you’ve seen them all.  Which makes that its own form of predestination.  I’ll get into the problems this film has in a little...

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09Jul

Black Widow – First Impressions

Does NOT pass the Bechdel test. I'll do The Tomorrow War review first. There is no rush on this one. It's not as bad as I thought it would be and since almost no one who reads this blog on the regular is going to see it anyway, Black Widow is now reprioritized. If I was going to rate it at Does Not Recommend I'd get it done today but it's not that bad. I thought it was finally...

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08Jul

Disney Death Watch – July 2021

Well, I haven’t done one these for a while but today seems dismal enough for some Dismalney news. DISNEY PARKS There was a time many ages ago that Disney parks were getting pretty trashy and by that, I mean the quality of the people showing up was ruining the experience for people who don’t have fifteen rusting appliances in their front yard and drink cheap liquor out of Mason jars. Walt Disney had wanted his parks to be affordable to all.  Sadly, the quality of...

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07Jul

Tomorrow War – First Impressions

It will surprise none of you to learn that the 55% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes is utter bullshit.   It’s better than a ton of films that have gotten a “fresh” rating.  If given a choice between Black Panther or Captain Marvel and The Tomorrow War, I’d take the latter any day of the week.   The action surpasses either of the former films, and there is an actual character arc for the main protagonist, unlike Captain Marvel where she just became even more...

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06Jul

The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend Artemis Fowl

REPOST: My wrist is in a sling at the moment. Consequently, you get to revel in the glory of one of my older reviews. From the company that brought you modern masterpieces like A Wrinkle in Time and the Rise of Skywalker comes Artemis Fowl.   I should start by saying, I have not read the Artemis Fowl books.  Neither have my kids. Maybe this film is an accurate representation of the stories.  Maybe it gets the feelz, right.  But if that’s the case then there...

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