Kevin Smith’s Career Stain

Kevin Smith’s Career Stain

It’s over for Kevin Smith. He’s completed his decent into pop-culture irrelevance. 

Far from generating buzz for his Masters of the Universe Revelation series, he has sucked the air out of the room by diverting all talk away from this Teela series and focusing it on his ridiculous Gamma-fueled feud with the husband-and-wife YouTuber team that runs Clownfish TV. They had heard a rumor that the new He-Man series Smith was working on, would feature a lesbian Teela and no He-Man.  They put out one tweet to the effect that this rumor was out there.

Smith shit himself denying it and started dragging Clownfish TV at every opportunity.  

And guess what?  The show is Woke and has almost no He-Man in it.  It’s all about Teela and her (heavily implied girlfriend) Andra.  She now has a half-shaved head and tree trunk arms that bigger than Abbie’s.

The rumor was completely accurate.

For the last ten years Smith’s career was entirely based on his ability to bring nerd-cred to his various projects.  And crying like a bitch at everything he sat down to watch.  It has been nearly thirty years since Clerks came out and he is still trying to milk those fifteen minutes.  When I finally looked at his presser for Masters of the Universe, he brought out Jay (Jason Mewes) to yell, “snootch!”

I couldn’t help looking at Mewes and wondering.  Why the hell is he there?  He has nothing at all to do with the show being promoted.  The only reason Smith trotted him out was to remind people about Clerks.

Smith was a decent enfant terrible screenwriter back in the 1990s.  I’ll grant that. But the problem with those guys is that they are all flash with their angry characters when they are in their twenties.  They rarely move past this kind of writing if they hit the big time early.  Look at Diablo Cody’s embarrassment of a script for Power Puff Girls.  It’s the same stuff she was writing for Juno. These kinds of writers keep trying to do same thing that first made them famous and end up writing pastiche of their own early work.

Smith’s other problem is that he is an untalented director.  According to Bruce Willis, Kevin Smith had never learned some of the most fundamental basics of the directing craft as late as 2010. 

And 2010 appears to be the year the phone stopped ringing.  Hollywood actually gave him quite a few chances right up until Zack and Miri Make a Porno.  His first bomb was Jersey Girl starring his former golden boy Ben Affleck and none of his films made bank after that.  

He’d moved from New Jersey to Hollywood and had Hollywood sized bills to pay so he told himself these magic words, “I know it’s wrong BUT…” If you ever hear yourself say these five words, get rid of the fifth word and end it at “wrong.”

Around 2016 he started shilling professionally.  Or at least I hope he was getting paid because there is nothing sadder than a whore giving it away for free in the hope she will be liked.

Truth be told, I’m not sure he had anything to do with Masters of the Universe Revelation other than bringing his tattered nerd cred to the production.

And it doesn’t appear to have done any good.

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: REVELATION

 94%

AVERAGE TOMATOMETER

 25%

AVERAGE AUDIENCE SCORE

Getting into it with Clownfish TV was beyond stupidity given that the rumor was completely accurate. The show was Woke and He-Man was in it for less than two minutes. What you saw of him in the trailer was pretty much it.

Smith knew it and chose to repeatedly lie about it, despite the fact that the truth would be known the moment it was streamed.

His his panic driven dishonesty has finally stripped away the last shred of his geek cred.

Go back to Jersey Kevin, there’s nothing left for you in Hollywood.

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Comments (5)

  • jorgen b Reply

    “They had heard a rumor that the new He-Man series Smith was working on would feature a lesbian Teela and no He-Man.”

    And one look at that “Teela” and it was very clear to me that they actually turned out to be technically WRONG exactly as Kevin Smith swore because its NOT a lesbian Teela but rather its He-Man transitioned into Teela but keeping his penis so its akshually He-Zhe-Trans-Wa-man. So technically he can claim he didn’t lie.

    July 23, 2021 at 10:20 pm
  • Wazdaka Reply

    Ze-man!
    Masters…nope..err..Mistress’s…nope…Things of the Universe!

    July 23, 2021 at 10:43 pm
  • Sasha Hrongmitts Reply

    Haven’t seen anything by him since Dogma and it looks like I’m not missing anything. You’re right, it’s like he blew all his talent on Clerks and Mallrats, and has been listless since.

    The hustling for nerd-cred on social media is particulary distasteful. I can’t imagine directors like John Huston doing stuff like that.

    July 23, 2021 at 11:01 pm
    • The Dark Herald Reply

      The silliest part is his pretending to be the biggest nerd fan of EVERYTHING. You name it, he is the biggest fan of it in the universe. So long as the check clears.

      July 24, 2021 at 1:15 am
  • Michael Maier Reply

    CLERKS 2 is painfully bad. I didn’t bother watching it because Kevin Smith was seemed pathetic at that point. My brother went to a Q&A and said Smith talked more about anal sex with his wife than movies. I passed when it was in theaters, and I got in free to everything I wanted.

    Last year, my brother showed it at his movie theater after hours. After, I wanted my sleep back. Boring and unfunny. I didn’t like CHASING AMY but at least it was an effort. JERSEY GIRL was just painful. CLERKS 2 made those two films look good.

    And what kind of cuck or closeted fag is he in real life to write a story where the main character has a sweet, devoted, pretty fiancé’ and throws her away for a snarky semi-cute mulatto?

    July 24, 2021 at 7:34 pm

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