Queen Dani’s Stupid Comic Book

Queen Dani’s Stupid Comic Book

Starbucks. The coffee of queens

Emilia Clarke of Terminator Genisys/Solo fame has proven that she still can’t pick a project.

And before any of you mentions Game of Thrones, that was obviously luck. 

WantedEnglish actress for HBO series.  Must have little girl anime eyes and be five foot nothing.  Acting is optional, nudity is not.

All of her side projects have been failures.  She is slated for a Marvel series; Secret Invasion, on Disney+.  But given Marvel’s record on Epic Mickey’s Streaming Service, I see no reason to at all to believe her losing streak will be broken.  Her management team must not either

That is where this comic book comes in.

From Variety:

“I read a lot of fantasy novels full of rich worlds as a child, like ‘Lord of the Rings.’ That was always the place my imagination would gravitate toward. Later on, when I went to Comic-Con for the first time at 22 with ‘Game of Thrones,’ I was amazed at what I saw — almost entirely men. 

And the bullshit bell goes *ding-ding-ding*

Almost entirely men at San Diego Comicon?!?!  

Maybe when it was all about comic books but it sure as hell hasn’t been that way for a long time.  It’s a normie event. Besides, the place is swamped with actresses cosplaying as Nerd’s Inexplicably Hot Girlfriend Who Didn’t Want to Come to Comicon But Did Anyway.

Here’s a look at the dealer room.

As you can see, she’s lying.

Later, as tides turned in the industry and #MeToo emerged, I began to look at the community through those eyes and it was arresting,” she said.

My wife had a favorite comics shop when she was in college.  She never bought anything; she just went there to cause asthma attacks.  She found it incredibly validating when she could leave men gasping by her mere presence.  She also KNEW she was never going to have to deal with any of them hitting on her.  They couldn’t even speak to her. 

“M.O.M.: Mother of Madness” will publish in July from Image Comics…

CALLED IT!!! Totally called it! I absolutely knew it was going to be Image Comics.

co-written by Clarke and Marguerite Bennett (“Bombshells,” “Josie and the Pussycats”) with art from Leila Leiz (“Horde”).

Which is to say, entirely written by Marguerite Bennett.

“In doing my research, I found that 16% of comic book creators are female, according to a 2019 study, and only 30% of comic book characters are women. 

“(O)nly 30% of comic book characters are women.” What the hell study was this?  I’m not sure that was even true sixty years ago.  It sure as hell isn’t the case now.  Was the data sample limited to 1950s titles like: He-Men of the NorthWest Frontier? 

On the other hand, roughly half of comic book buyers are female. 

Hang a minute.  If you are talking about American comic books the female market is no better than 20%. The only way you can get to half is if you include Manga.  

Okay, Dani let’s include women Manga-ka in your Oppression Olympics.  The richest comic book writer in the world is Rumiko Takahashi ($70 million). 

Something did not sit right with me in that exchange, and all these signs were telling me to go make my own,” said Clarke.

All these signs were also telling me, I will need somebody to ghost this for me because I don’t even write my own tweets.

“M.O.M.” is centered on Maya, a busy single parent whose life is upended by the discovery of superpowers.

“She’s a single mum that’s got to get shit done. This was born from the idea that single mothers are superheroes. You need superhuman strength to do that. When you get into your 30s and your friends start having kids, you’re like, ‘Oh my god. I was not aware of what it took. Holy shit,’” she said.

Note that Emilia isn’t mentioning how they got to be single mothers in the first place.  Eighty percent of divorces are initiated by the wife.  

Another key identifier for the character is that all of her powers manifest from her menstrual cycle.

CLAP BITCHES!!!

“The bloating, the hair growth, the mood swings, the [acne], all of it. We hate that when it happens, speaking for myself and everyone I’ve ever met who has had a period. 

Note the careful wording.  Presumably these things still happen to the “men” who have periods.

What if we turned that around and made the period something that we can feel as this unique, crazy, superhuman thing that happens in our body? When Maya is scared, she goes invisible, when she’s angry, she has superhuman strength. She can swing like Spider-Man from her armpit hair,” Clarke says.

Seriously Vox, how did you pass this one up for Arkhaven?

This is what is really going on here.  Emilia Clarke is now 34, which is blinking red palm crystal territory for an actress.  She has a string of failures behind her which didn’t stop her from having this really terrible idea for a superhero movie and/or Netflix series.  

Original IPs don’t get made into movies anymore.  In 2019, 90% of all movies were based on some preexisting intellectual property.  Did you know that Kingsmen was originally a comic book?  Emilia sure did.  So was Umbrella Academy, October Faction, Locke and Key, Jupiter’s Legacy, V-Wars… You get the idea.

These days a new comic book is just a pitch meeting.

Producer Guy: So, you have a movie for me?

Writer Guy: Yes sir, I do!  It’s about a single mother with superpowers…

Producer Guy: Single mothers are tight!

Writer Guy: Eww. Anyway, this single mother gets her superpowers only when it’s that time of the month!

Producer Guy: Wow, wow, wo-woah? What?  No! What the hell is wrong with you? Box your shit and get out! You. Are. Fired!

Emilia’s managers did little or no research when putting this announcement together. They just gave her stuff to read knowing full well that no left-leaning trade publication like Variety was going to challenge any of it. And then they had her play the victim card when everyone pointed out how stupid the whole thing is.

Yeah, it’s gonna suck.

Okay, I’m done here.

UPDATE: Image Comics really believes in this project. M.O.M. Is digital only. No print copies at all.

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Comments (13)

  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    Yeah, it’s gonna suck.
    .
    .
    i thought that was a single mother’s super power, especially when she’s on her period?
    .
    hey-yo!

    June 11, 2021 at 5:58 pm
  • Dave W. Reply

    Insanity. Straight up nuts.

    June 11, 2021 at 6:16 pm
  • Chris Lopes Reply

    So really ANYONE can write a comic book. I mean when you can (almost literally) pull a premise out of your ass and get it published, there is apparently no talent or intelligence involved. And yes, the hunt for the elusive woke woman comic book buyer continues.

    June 11, 2021 at 6:26 pm
    • Seeker Reply

      More accurately, any movie/tv star/celebrity can get a comic book, just like how they get book deals. They come up with a random idea, sign their name to it for $/branding, and then get someone else to write it. The reality in actual art is that ideas are easy to come by. What really matters is the ability to execute ideas to completion, whether that’s by writing, drawing, filming, etc. Premises and outlines are cheap. The reality of this project is that the underlings will be doing all the heavy lifting. EC might contribute a partial outline, but just imagine being the artist who signed on to interpret this garbage.

      June 12, 2021 at 1:09 am
      • Joe S. Walker Reply

        More likely someone approached her, with the idea of attaching a star to their comic book. (Of course they would have preferred Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman, but there was no chance of that.) It wouldn’t surprise me if she hasn’t written a single word, or if the thing was written and drawn before she ever heard of it.

        June 12, 2021 at 11:08 am
  • Wazdaka Reply

    I swear this is just bait.
    It’s like cap marvel cringe level
    Are they doing this nonsense for the clicks?

    June 11, 2021 at 8:51 pm
  • Cloudbuster Reply

    “She can swing like Spider-Man from her armpit hair,” Clarke says.”

    *shudder*

    No, I’m not into body horror.

    June 11, 2021 at 11:13 pm
  • Jim Reply

    “Blinking red palm crystal”.
    That is way I read this blog.

    June 12, 2021 at 7:27 am
  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    Another thing, as any man can tell you, armpit hair grows 365 days a year. And even if pit hair growth (seriously, who dropped the ball on the opportunity to swing from her pube hair ) is tied to periods in some minor way, how far are you going to get swinging < 4" at a time?
    .
    .
    For a comparison in how to implement this properly, let's look at an existing super hero:
    Peter Parker identifies as a "Spiderman ". He's got strength proportionate to a spider, and he's got some sort of static cling thing going on which, even though spiders do NOT have, enables Peter to climb walls similar to how spiders do.
    .
    More relevant to the discussion is how Peter does NOT exhibit certain particular spider traits:
    1 – nobody wants to see Parker spinning silk out of his butt, which is why Lee / Ditko decided to equip him with wrist mounted "web shooters"
    2 – Peter does NOT have ANYTHING emulating the flesh liquefying saliva nor the fangs with which to inject it
    .
    Ie – Steve and Stan knew that it would be abject marketing and sales suicide to hew too closely to the biological realities of a "spider" type hominid AND MADE ALLOWANCES IN THE CHARACTER DESIGN to minimize the "ewwww" factor and maximize the "cool" aspects of a supposedly spider based character.
    .
    Emilia is a dumb twat who was blessed with good physical looks. She hasn't got the sense to not make menstrual blood paintings because she's gotten allowances her whole life due to her appearance.

    June 12, 2021 at 2:22 pm
  • Star Tripper Reply

    I remember decades ago a college professor asked his class if they had any thoughts on the short story under discussion (something by Flannery O’Connor IIRC). One girl stands and says, “This story reminds me of when I had my first period.” The professor cuts her off and tells he to sit down. “Don’t you want to hear my opinion?” she angrily asked. “You are a sophomore,” he answered, “you don’t know enough to have an opinion.”

    June 12, 2021 at 5:13 pm
  • Moonglum Reply

    Is this a monthly title?

    June 12, 2021 at 7:40 pm
  • Robert W Reply

    +1 for pitch meeting homage. Love those sketches.

    June 12, 2021 at 7:47 pm
  • Chief_Tuscaloosa Reply

    In her defense, what’s she going to do, find a nice man and have children?

    June 12, 2021 at 9:05 pm

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