Who Will Be the First Openly Gay Star Wars Character?

Who Will Be the First Openly Gay Star Wars Character?

A stupid question to be certain but one that SJWs are demanding an answer to.

And Disney will absolutely provide that answer.  There is zero doubt in my mind that past a certain point, one of the senior executives at Fort Mickey will start demanding it.

During the run-up to the Rise of Skywalker, there was a big Stan campaign, #SWRepMatters on Twitter to try and get Finn and Poe out of the closet and into each other’s arms.  Sadly, for the deranged malignantly repulsive fifteen-year-old girls on Twitter, Rose had stolen a kiss from Finn, and since she is underrepresented, this forever cucked poor Poe.  

I don’t make up these rules, I just shake my head in horror at them.

So then attention was switched to Lando.  Surely it would be Lando that would become the first Gay character on Star Wars.  I mean they made Donald Glover say that Lando was pan-sexual.  That means he’s Gay right?

Well, no not so much.  In the Solo a Star Wars Story, Lando was simply revealed as having exceptionally bad taste in sex dolls. Abysmal in fact.  Truth be said, if I was Princess Leia and I found about L3-37, I would be deeply offended that Lando had ever found me desirable.  Regardless, L3-37 was clearly gendered with a female persona, even if that persona was Phoebe Waller-Bridge.  

And everyone in the audience cheered when she died.  

So not Lando.

Who will it be?

Think about it. The SJWs at the LucasFilm Story Group may indeed be on borrowed time.  If their Slay Queen Kathleen has fallen then they are on their way out.  Leftie or not, no one in Hollywood with half a brain will keep that clown circus on the payroll.  Consequently, they will try to do as much damage to the brand and set it in stone before they are shown the door.

What character would most damage Star Wars by making him Gay? It’s obvious when you think about it.

It’s gonna be Luke Skywalker.  

The groundwork was already been laid.

Think about it.  Luke has shown almost zero interest in women in the movies (except for his sister).  Yet he clearly had a very close relationship with Big Darklighter.  Yeah, they are totally gonna rename him Big, it’s just a little more obvious that way.  

I mean look at him.  1970s Pornstache, check. Leather pants, check. Wearing a cape, check.  He is even called, “Big” for crying out loud.  And remember how broken up Luke was when Big’s fighter crashed into the Deathstar?

They know they can’t get rid of Luke now. Mickey the Great and Terrible has personally recalled Luke from internal exile. So if they can’t get rid of him, they will co-opt him.

And once any character has been graced by the power of the Gay, no one is allowed to change their orientation again.  This is now Hollywood Law.

Yeah, it’s gonna be Luke.

Somebody will be pissed when she finds out.

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Comments (22)

  • Scott Osmond Reply

    Nope, head cannon says no. Doesn’t matter what they say or do, I have many books on the shelf with Mara Jade and Luke being together. They even had a kid so there! What ever Micky the great and terrible does is just crappy fanfic produced by losers.

    May 5, 2021 at 1:59 pm
  • Bies Podkrakowski Reply

    “…continue to pray to Yellowstone. concentrate on the magma chamber. we can end it…”
    Hakan Rotmwrt

    May 5, 2021 at 2:15 pm
  • Ken Reply

    With all due respect, you’re going full Kevin Landwaster. Never go full Kevin Landwaster.

    May 5, 2021 at 2:31 pm
  • Theresa Hartshorn Reply

    Surely they’ll keep it deniable, just so they can pretend he’s straight in China.

    May 5, 2021 at 3:37 pm
  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    i apologize for bringing up the whole yaoi thing.

    May 5, 2021 at 4:06 pm
    • WiseSol Reply

      I don’t know if I should apologize too or say “I told you so.”

      May 5, 2021 at 11:06 pm
    • furor kek tonicus Reply

      hey, on the plus side, at least i never suggested that you guys shouldn’t google etchi or vore

      May 6, 2021 at 3:39 am
  • Dr. Mabuse Reply

    Luke just showed up at the end of the Mandalorian. Mando has proven pretty resistant to the females vying for his attention – maybe he and Luke can become a couple! And raise Baby Yoda as a ‘family’!

    May 5, 2021 at 4:33 pm
  • Norvis Reply

    If they are going to do it, I think that they will do it with Obi-wan Kenobi in the upcoming Kenobi series. To the best of my knowledge he has never been linked romantically to anyone (being a Jedi such things are forbidden) but they could explain it as his being repressed and that his desire for Anakin to be his Padawan is to continue the relationship he had as a Padawan with Gui-gon Jin.

    May 5, 2021 at 5:06 pm
    • Ryan Reply

      I think you’re spot on Norvis. The Wise old Mentor figure is also a pederast. It’s straightforward.

      May 5, 2021 at 6:13 pm
    • Star Tripper Reply

      I think you may be right. He is a major character but is associated with mentoring younger men and boys. Since such relationships can’t be Platonic in today’s culture things.. ….happen.

      May 5, 2021 at 6:36 pm
    • Riejun Reply

      Obi-Wan had a love interest in the Clone Wars cartoon series. Her name was Duchess Satine Kryze. She was a Mandalorian, a lot of story about those two. The “romance” happened in the past, not on screen. Clone Wars is supposed to be part of the “new canon”…. Doesn’t mean they can’t make Obi Wan “bi”….


      May 6, 2021 at 12:45 am
  • Moonglum Reply

    Big looks a bit like a nineteen seventies’ version of Adolf wearing a cape with the cowlick and the ‘tache. Part of the Leni Riefenstahl inspired future fascist aesthetic? It’s ironic that he re-enacts 633 Squadron and the Dambusters on the Death Star.

    Why not have the Emperor as the gay one? It worked for Vlad Harkonnen in the Dune books/films. And he had a daughter as well (Lady Jessica) after a Bene Gesserit sister got him drunk one night (beer goggles conception).

    I thought the possibility that would terrify fans would be Mandalorian visiting a gay bar voluntarily and not on business.

    What about those little grey guys playing the skin-flute in the Cantina scene?

    The Force appears to be omnisexual – it is male and female, queer and straight, dark and light.

    May 5, 2021 at 6:19 pm
    • furor kek tonicus Reply

      there’s a reason they’re so fixated on “balance”.

      May 6, 2021 at 3:37 am
  • Matthew Etzell Reply

    Obi-wan Kenobi was in love with at least four women (Cerasi, Lena Cobral, Siri Tachi, and Satine Kryze) over the years.

    May 5, 2021 at 6:53 pm
  • Damelon Brinn Reply

    Yes, Luke is the biggest prize by far. He’s the kind of fair-haired, optimistic white guy that they hate in real life. He’s the character whose devolution in the sequels has most offended fans and produced the pushback that’s turned the series into a joke. Hamill dared to criticize TLJ, the favorite episode of SJWs, despite being one himself, so they’d love to make him suffer some more. And really, Luke is the only character that was ever worth anything that they haven’t totallly ruined yet. He’s the only one that matters to anyone anymore.

    May 5, 2021 at 7:15 pm
  • Seeker Reply

    They could recast Cara Dune as a guy post-transition (think about it). I’m joking about that… mostly. Personally I think Ahsoka might be it. She’s got some draw with the youth (unlike Luke Skywalker who is only popular with older fans), she’s not a jedi anymore, she’s never had any serious relationships with men (that couldn’t be explained away at least), and she’s someone with an upcoming series. And lesbians get culturally criticized less than gays because double standards. She’s the naturally best choice to push message ideology imo.

    May 5, 2021 at 8:24 pm
  • artensoll Reply

    C3PO gets my voot.

    May 5, 2021 at 8:41 pm
  • tommyvkvk Reply


    May 6, 2021 at 3:19 am
  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    they erased Finn *again*.

    May 6, 2021 at 3:40 am
  • Doc Reply


    May 6, 2021 at 3:13 pm
  • Chief_Tuscaloosa Reply

    Luke: he and Kylo shared the love that dare not speak its name at Jedi Junior High, but Han Solo discovered it and nixed the relationship. Thus, Luke ran away in shame and Kylo hated Daddy for ruining his good time with Uncle Luke. Eventually killing pops for that reason.

    Disney employees, Krazy Kathleen division? I just gave you the best way to get back at the fans who wouldn’t love your stories. Pull the trigger, already.

    May 7, 2021 at 3:07 pm

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