The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend Wanda Vision

The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend Wanda Vision

Arr Maties!  Captain Herald has returned from the high seas to tell ye a tale of…well…basic, acceptable mediocrity.

So far that is all that Disney Plus has proven itself capable of providing.  But at least they are still capable of delivering that.  Given how converged the company has become it’s only a matter of time before even this low bar is beyond them.

And that is all that Wanda Vision is.  Acceptably mediocre.  The fans came up with much more interesting theories than the show eventually delivered to its audience. Still better than DC, is about as high a bar as Marvel can manage at this point.  And they can only achieve that level of excellence because DC keeps lowering the bar.

I think it’s easier to start with what wasn’t Marvel’s fault.  

In 2020 Disney had discovered the rather disturbing viewer practice of “streamer branch swinging.”  Since most people can’t afford all of the streaming services, they only subscribe to one long enough to watch the “halo properties” and then cancel once they’ve seen them.  Consequently, Disney decided to take what was a six-episode mini-series and drag it out for nine episodes.  The first three episodes were clearly originally meant to be one episode.  It would have still been a bowl of “meh” but at least it would have been a well-paced one.  As it was, we got to see three episodes inside of Wanda’s TV world without any real plot progression over the course of three weeks.  Basically, the first act went on way too long, and it wasn’t planned that way. The end result was that the audience became disengaged and left.

This was a disastrous mistake made by Bob Chapek’s bean-counters.  Anyone from the creative side of things would have immediately recognized that this would ruin the pacing and it did.  However, Chapek is an accountant with the soul of an accountant and now the clerks from budgeting are making terrible decisions based on “data-driven audience insights.”  Except, by the time you have the data, the audience has already canceled Disney Plus and is giving HBOmax another shot because they want to watch the Snyder Cut.

The second problem was also delivered courtesy of Disney.  

When the higher-ups at Disney got pissed off because Gina Carrano compared the persecution of pro-Trumpers to the persecution of Jews by the Nazis, they fired her in a rage.  How dare she compare our righteous pogrom against redneck-terrorists with the holocaust?!  And the blowback from the fans killed all social media engagement with Wanda Vision.  Everyone stopped talking about the show.  Great call Bob!

As for the show itself, the whole thing was a nothing burger.  All of the reveals that were hinted at ended up being duller than the actual plot.  If you googled Twins of the Scarlett Witch, then you already know how it ended.

Regardless, I feel compelled to provide a spoiler alert:

***SPOILER ALERT***

There I did it.

It turns out that QuickSilver isn’t back at all.  It was not the X-Men version but just some rando from Westview who became Wanda’s “brother.”  So, no Magneto either.  

Probably the oddest thing was the fairly extensive red herring regarding Dottie.  In the second episode, Agatha said, “she’s the key to everything around here.”  Her husband was named Phil. Her roses which grew “on pain of death” were yellow and Dottie herself was blond.  There were just as many easter eggs indicating Dottie was Arcanna as there were for Agnes being Agatha. 

The problem is that Arcanna Jones is more obscure than Agatha Harkeness. It’s possible that she was originally supposed to be Arcanna and Disney’s lawyers found out that she was part of Squadron Supreme and that that superhero team was created by Marvel Comics to roast the Justice League, (Arcanna herself being a stand-in for Zatanna). And they didn’t want to deal with AT&T’s legal team.

The finale of the mini-series is a computer effects light show.  It’s an hour-long duel between Agatha and Wanda.  Agatha forces Wanda to confront what she has done to the town and the people in it.  At the same time, White Vision (who was sent in to kill Wanda) was fighting Red Vision.

At the end of the duel, Wanda comes into her full power as the Scarlett Witch (that comes with a new costume of course). And she scrambles Agatha’s brain so that she believes she really is Agnes.

She and Vision return to the house and she shuts down her fantasy world thus dispelling her children and Red Vision in order to set the town free. The post-credit teaser is that Captain Marvel wants to meet Monica Rambeau, (the audience is meant to be excited by this).

So, no multiverse crossovers at all.  White men were the bad guys all along.  White Vision has had his memories restored by Red Vision.  

But then the real Vision didn’t hook up with Wanda like you would expect him to.  He just flies off.  

Why?

Because the lovers couldn’t reunite without damaging the real message of this TV show.

It was all about female empowerment.  

That was what the show was really about.  It was a replay of Captain Marvel’s basic message of a woman needing to break through the emotional baggage that was restraining her in order to reach her full potential.

So far as the show’s creators were concerned, what Wanda did, in the end, was sad but of course quite necessary.  Because domestic happiness was always just an illusion created by decades of TV sitcoms to keep women down.  She had to discard these illusions so that the Scarlett Witch could rise unencumbered by the ties of family life. 

A normal feminine desire to have a home, a husband, and children were the chains that bound her.  At the end of the show, she chose to abandon all these things and become the Scarlett Witch. Even though that would mean she would be alone.  But that was the price she was going to have to pay in order to reach her fullest potential.

Wanda’s family had to be destroyed in order for her to be empowered.

The foundation of my rating system is that there has to be at least one reason for you to see a show, movie, or what have you.  In this case, there is none.  Consequently…

The Dark Herald Does Not Recommend.

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Comments (14)

  • Raymond Solar Reply

    Disney: Author of the Pathetic and Dull.

    March 5, 2021 at 7:25 pm
  • EXALT Reply

    I think this deserves a mention: https://boundingintocomics.com/2021/03/04/wandavision-director-warns-fans-about-possible-disappointment-explains-what-series-is-really-about/

    “It’s so great to be able to talk to you after episode eight because I feel like it really pulls back the curtain of what the show has really been about from the beginning. It’s about grief, loss and how we come back from losing people we love. It’s also about love. The deep love she has for her family, the love that she has for Vision.”
    […]
    ”I love seeing memes and TikTok videos and theories. They’re so creative and wonderful. And of course some people will be disappointed that certain theories don’t end up coming to be true – or true in the course of WandaVision.”

    Kinda like “Representation!” “Every villain is the hero of its own story” and “Subverting expectations”, this is the sort of bullcrap that I hear more and more often with modern “authors”: “The mysteries do not matter! It was about the characters and their feelings all along! The real treasure was the friends we made along the way!” This, after doing everything they could to stir up talk about the mysteries – because when you cast Evan Peters as Quicksilver in a show that should set up “Doctor Strange and the MULTIVERSE of Madness” (did it, BTW?), you know full well what fans are gonna think.

    March 5, 2021 at 10:43 pm
  • douglas Whiddon Reply

    So, what are your thought on Superman and Lois ep2?

    March 6, 2021 at 1:46 am
    • The Dark Herald Reply

      I haven’t had time for it yet. The Wanda Vision finale had priority

      March 6, 2021 at 2:28 am
    • Dane Reply

      To cite the Admiral, “It´s a trap!”.

      March 6, 2021 at 11:18 am
  • Joe S. Walker Reply

    “Nothingburger” is just the word that’s been in my mind about this show. I kept watching, the cast were very good, it did some novel gimmicky things… but in the end it was just another modern-day fantasy show with the usual things at the big climax. (Including the lead character doing that pose with the arched back, arms thrown out and face scrunched up while exploding with CGI energy. Did Russell T. Davies invent that when he decided that regeneration should have a consistent look in the revived Doctor Who?) And there was the nest of endings, leading into a tease for The Next Thing – in other words, no real ending at all.

    March 6, 2021 at 12:51 pm
    • EXALT Reply

      “Including the lead character doing that pose with the arched back, arms thrown out and face scrunched up while exploding with CGI energy. Did Russell T. Davies invent that when he decided that regeneration should have a consistent look in the revived Doctor Who?”
      I’m guessing it’s a mockery of the Crucifixion.

      March 6, 2021 at 2:46 pm
      • Joe S. Walker Reply

        Not impossible. I didn’t see hidden depths in the show – more like hidden shallows.

        March 6, 2021 at 3:34 pm
        • The Dark Herald Reply

          That is the perfect two-word description of Wanda Vision; Hidden Shallows.

          March 6, 2021 at 7:42 pm
  • George Reply

    Thank you Dark Harold for saving me a lot of time. With all the buzz going on, I thought there might be something worth watching here. Your spoiler of the ending convinced me to not even start watching.

    March 6, 2021 at 4:14 pm
    • furor kek tonicus Reply

      ah hahahaha.
      .
      i spy a Cerebus before Sim could draw you homophobic misogynist. *thumbsup*

      March 8, 2021 at 11:19 pm
  • Mad Italian Reply

    Several other bloggers came to same conclusion about Wonder Woman 1984.

    Stronk Womxn don’t need no man.

    Said that we are degrading motherhood. Teaching generations that selfishness is the road to fulfillment.

    March 7, 2021 at 12:03 am
  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    Cataline
    A normal feminine desire to have a home, a husband, and children were the chains that bound her.

    couldn’t possibly have anything to do with Lesbianism.

    March 7, 2021 at 1:01 am
  • David Reply

    You convinced me to skip this so I watched the WandaVision Pitch Meeting instead…it was decent.

    March 9, 2021 at 6:06 am

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