I managed, just barely to make it to the end of the first Marvel What if…? Episodes.

It starred every feminist-fan’s favorite, Agent Carter. Quick reminder, the Agent Carter TV show was about Captain America’s Sad Girlfriend Peggy.

I admit I got briefly chumped about the hype myself, but only because Woke hadn’t invaded every single aspect of American entertainment in 2015. It was headed there but it hadn’t arrived yet and I was silly enough to assume Marvel cared about its brand back then.

Agent Carter was a complete feminist Mary Sue. She was super special and never got anything wrong and could do everything better than any man and never got credit for it because patriarchy. Tumblrinas adored her but there weren’t enough of them to keep that poorly written mediocre show on the air. They whined mightily after ABC refused to waste a third loss leader season on her show. They kept hoping she would return.

And now she has!

In fact, she’s better than ever.

You see Peggy had a major problem so far as feminists were concerned. There are men that wanted to have sex with her.

But no longer!

Thanks to the magic of crappy art design all of those nasty little feminine edges have been completely sanded away leaving only a hulking androgenous giantess in her place.

The What If in this case was that when Steve was supposed to get the treatment, she opted to stay in the room and thus fought the nazi agents sent to kill the professor because she’s so awesome. Steve got shot in this improved version of events and she jumped in the magic box because it was all fired up and needed to be used on someone.

After that, we are back in Agent Carter land where no MAN will take her seriously no matter gigantic and unattractive she gets. Good news though, Steve survived and is still a 90-pound weakling.

Honestly, it is unbelievably cringe to see them on screen together. She is a giant dominatrix and Steve is now her simp and that is exactly what it looks like.

So she does everything Captain America was supposed to do and finally, she and her simps end up fighting a tentacle monster from another dimension. The hentai fan art hasn’t arrived yet but you know it’s coming.

She heroically pushes the tentacle monster back into the breech in reality it popped out of, but sadly had to join it there when closed. Seventy years later Shield opens breech and she pops out of it.

That was only the first episode and I am reasonably confident it can only get worse from here.

Okay, I’m done here.

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