I managed, just barely to make it to the end of the first Marvel What if…? Episodes.

It starred every feminist-fan’s favorite, Agent Carter. Quick reminder, the Agent Carter TV show was about Captain America’s Sad Girlfriend Peggy.

I admit I got briefly chumped about the hype myself, but only because Woke hadn’t invaded every single aspect of American entertainment in 2015. It was headed there but it hadn’t arrived yet and I was silly enough to assume Marvel cared about its brand back then.

Agent Carter was a complete feminist Mary Sue. She was super special and never got anything wrong and could do everything better than any man and never got credit for it because patriarchy. Tumblrinas adored her but there weren’t enough of them to keep that poorly written mediocre show on the air. They whined mightily after ABC refused to waste a third loss leader season on her show. They kept hoping she would return.

And now she has!

In fact, she’s better than ever.

You see Peggy had a major problem so far as feminists were concerned. There are men that wanted to have sex with her.

But no longer!

Thanks to the magic of crappy art design all of those nasty little feminine edges have been completely sanded away leaving only a hulking androgenous giantess in her place.

The What If in this case was that when Steve was supposed to get the treatment, she opted to stay in the room and thus fought the nazi agents sent to kill the professor because she’s so awesome. Steve got shot in this improved version of events and she jumped in the magic box because it was all fired up and needed to be used on someone.

After that, we are back in Agent Carter land where no MAN will take her seriously no matter gigantic and unattractive she gets. Good news though, Steve survived and is still a 90-pound weakling.

Honestly, it is unbelievably cringe to see them on screen together. She is a giant dominatrix and Steve is now her simp and that is exactly what it looks like.

So she does everything Captain America was supposed to do and finally, she and her simps end up fighting a tentacle monster from another dimension. The hentai fan art hasn’t arrived yet but you know it’s coming.

She heroically pushes the tentacle monster back into the breech in reality it popped out of, but sadly had to join it there when closed. Seventy years later Shield opens breech and she pops out of it.

That was only the first episode and I am reasonably confident it can only get worse from here.

Okay, I’m done here.

Share this post

Comments (13)

  • EXALT Reply

    Miscellaneous thoughts:
    1)Peggy should be much weaker than Steve: Cap’s serum is designed to make you reach your peak physical potential, and, you know… the best female athletes are more or less at the same level of really strong teenage boys…
    2)Why doesn’t she have the mask? And why is she Captain Carter, instead of Captain America or Britain or Allies or whatever?
    3)”She was super special and never got anything wrong and could do everything better than any man and never got credit for it because patriarchy.” Which is why, even if her show had gone on for ten seasons, we’d never seen her found SHIELD – doing that would have forced the writers to show lots of people taking her seriously and obeying her orders.
    4)”After that, we are back in Agent Carter land where no MAN will take her seriously no matter gigantic and unattractive she gets.” They even brought back her sexist superior from AC (not the show, the short movie that preceded it). Same actor and everything – that’s what I call artistic integrity.
    5)”I am reasonably confident it can only get worse from here.” Oh, it absolutely can: at first it seemed like this was going to be an anthology series, but the first episode’s ending and various leaks show that there are going to be crossovers between the various universes later on, and some murmur that Captain Carter will appear in live-action in Doctor Strange 2…
    6)Why does Hayley Atwell still have a career? She’s 39 years old, shouldn’t the average producer vomit at the thought of having sex with her?

    August 12, 2021 at 5:43 pm
    • Joe S.Walker Reply

      Re 6, I remember her saying she’d like to be the first female Doctor Who. But in fact she’s done nothing much beyond playing Agent Carter at intervals of years.

      August 13, 2021 at 7:24 am
      • Chris Lopes Reply

        Let’s be honest. Outside of a nice rack, she doesn’t have much going for her.

        August 14, 2021 at 3:21 pm
        • The Dark Herald Reply

          Atwell could have had an Emily Blunt level career right after Captain America was launched. But neither she nor anybody in her management team could tell a good project from a bad one. Doing the Agent Carter series was understandable when Marvel looked like it could do no wrong. But she followed up that flop with another feminist-SJW series. Anybody with half a brain should have seen how much of a snoozer Conviction was going to be. Although, she appears to have landed something decent in the next two Mission Impossible movies.

          August 15, 2021 at 2:24 pm
  • Doc Reply

    Did the high IQ PHD negro scientist who graduated from Harvard in the 1940s, the one Peggy secretly fell for, make his appearance in this one?

    That guy was the most believable, well written character in the Marvel timeline universe.

    Wait, did he become Kangz?

    Weird how the show never recovered.

    Round 2: Dominatrix Peggy She Hulk

    August 12, 2021 at 6:22 pm
  • furor kek tonicus ( Whipper Snapping Egg Suckers is my band name ) Reply

    so very close.
    Dominatrix Pegging She Hulk

    August 13, 2021 at 3:46 am
    • Wazdaka Reply

      Well that’s stuck in my mind now
      Thanks 😕

      August 14, 2021 at 8:34 am
    • furor kek tonicus Reply

      if you haven’t noticed, all of my posts have a sotte voce Mature Audiences Only label.

      August 14, 2021 at 7:57 pm
  • Sanders Reply

    “Dominatrix Peggy She Hulk”

    Most excellent, spot on, she will crush your balls while stating: “Oh that’s how it feels”

    August 13, 2021 at 7:54 am
  • joe90 Reply

    So, Captain Britten is now a trannie on meds with revlon hair. The problem is the shield. Any Marvell character who get the shield, ceases to exist.

    August 13, 2021 at 4:35 pm
    • joe90 Reply

      small d*cked trannie on meds

      August 14, 2021 at 4:23 am
  • Dave W. Reply

    Oh, sweet jesus. I was hoping that the What If? stories might be decent, but I really should know better by now.

    August 16, 2021 at 8:26 am
  • Skyler_the._Weird Reply

    Disney is becoming a real life Houston Energy from Rollerball. Heroes cannot be bigger than the Corporation/State. Jonathan E, Luke Skywalker, Steve Rogers etal must be diminished. Houston Energy only failed because it was fictional like Jonathan E.

    August 16, 2021 at 5:21 pm

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *