So How Bad Is Gotham High?

So How Bad Is Gotham High?

For those of you whom fortune smiled upon and delivered unto you the gift of ignorance concerning the graphic novel Gotham High, turn away now. Read another of my posts. Or read anything else. A John Scalzi novel or the label on a tube of toothpaste (of the two I recommend the latter).

But don’t read this.

You won’t be the same afterward.

For those of you who already knew about this Young Adult parody of Batman but were getting fuzzy on the deets, a little background:

“Melissa de la Cruz is a Young Adult fantasy writer. Reasonably successful as such. And the newest purse-puppy hire for DC Comics.

She delights in her utterly abysmal ignorance of comics. In fact she is proud of it. She feels it gives her a fresh perspective – Which is true as such. However, a fresh perspective does not equal a good perspective. Witness; The Last Jedi.

In her new comic, Gotham High. Bruce Wayne is a half-Chinese brooding loaner with a gay Chinese uncle Alfred, his girlfriend is Future-Catwoman and his best friend is Future-Joker. I was honestly surprised that Viktor Fries wasn’t the “cool kid.” And the Gotham High mascot is a bat. I had never heard of any high school using a bat and I got a little curious about it, there is indeed one American high school that has a bat for a mascot, it’s in Belfry Montana, so they were basically obligated.

I wrote a joke about this sounding like a YouTube flash cartoon, but then I checked, and a Gotham High flash cartoon actually exists but Warner Brothers had the sense to cancel that thing before it launched.

Bruce Wayne is probably the richest billionaire teenager in his world. Certainly the richest in Gotham City. Question: Why the fuck is he going to a public high school?!? (Turns out he was expelled from Gotham Prep – watch the video).

de la Cruz openly admits that she made Bruce Wayne her own personal Mary Sue, basing his half-Chinese background on her own family. And she made Alfred the Butler, Bruce’s Gay Uncle.

Honestly, I can’t blame her for the abortion that she has created. She’s just doing what she does. She can’t help herself and truthfully she doesn’t need to. DC Comics knew what she was. They wanted a YA comic by Melissa de la Cruz and they didn’t care what it would look like. They offered her anything in their pantheon and she picked Batman because her husband likes it. Or to be more accurate her husband likes the 1990s movies. You can tell that’s the case because the Joker’s origin character is Jack Napier – for the first time in thirty years. I think the Tim Burton movies were the only place that character was ever used.

del la Cruz isn’t a White Person Welfare hire, she actually is good at what she does but what she does is books for girls in their early teens. Her audience is not going to transfer and Batman fans will avoid it like Corvid-19.

Back to my original question: Who is Gotham High for? 

Answer: It’s for the men who hired her. They didn’t hire her to increase sales, they hired her to increase their own status in New York.”

I didn’t buy it. So I can’t review it. But I can show you an epic dramatic reading of Gotham High. You will love Gay Chinese Uncle Alfred. (Content is NSFW)

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Comments (5)

  • SirFalterBrawley Reply

    I’ve been patiently waiting for part 4 but JLongBone’s CPT is killing me.

    June 3, 2021 at 11:00 pm
    • Talos Valcoran Reply

      EXACTLY. I imagine the editing takes quite a while though, particularly all of the reaction animations.

      Mauler as Bruce Wong was perfect casting.

      June 3, 2021 at 11:16 pm
  • furor kek tonicus Reply

    Bruce Wayne is a half-Chinese brooding loaner
    yeah, i’ve heard some Chinese are almost as serious about their debt collecting as ((( certain Middle Easterners ))).

    You can tell that’s the case because the Joker’s origin character is Jack Napier – for the first time in thirty years. I think the Tim Burton movies were the only place that character was ever used.
    to be fair, i’m not going to ask you to watch that idiotic Batwoman show.

    June 4, 2021 at 2:01 am
  • Codex Reply

    When talking to my mom earlier this week, she reminded me of a story from the one year I got to go to private (elementary) school. I literally did that thing: knocked down a baby psychopath who got his jollies hurting smaller kids at recess.
    I caught him mid-attack and knocked him down. Admitedly, he did not see it coming. Also, the second go, as he was trying to get back up, was purely because the smaller kid was my best friend.
    I got in trouble, but not *expelled* because… Actual Smaller Kid telling about the unprovoked attack. I might have gotten away with it if I hadn’t told the kid I’d do it again (we were supposed to apologize to each other and forgive.)
    None of these dewberries who go on about bullying and oppression ever faced it. Most of them are the spitting image of the mean girls who used to lay for me in the public schools.
    Great grift they’ve got going

    June 5, 2021 at 1:12 am
  • Bryce Reply

    Needs moar Yaoi…

    June 6, 2021 at 5:57 pm

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