Friday Night Open Thread – The What’s Disney Destroying Now Edition

As usual, I hardly know where to start with this subject.

Generally, I divide it up by Disney’s divisions, unfortunately, that would mean including something from the movie division and I think I’ve already covered all of Disney’s upcoming disasters.  

Ah well, worth a look. 

(*googlegooglegoogle*)

Oh no.

I found something and it’s so much worse than I thought it could be.

Disney+ is rebooting Chipn’Dale’s Rescue Rangers.

Here’s the trailer.

Look at it.

LOOK AT IT!

That.

Was.

Awful.

There was no part of that trailer that didn’t leave me embarrassed and sad for two cartoon chipmunks. It was that last 15 seconds with the voice of Seth Rogen that really took it to the 11 of cringe.  How does anyone think in 2022 that his signature retard laugh is anything other than completely grating?  No, Boomer, the kids really aren’t into Rogen anymore.

The rumor is that Chapek is demanding the creatives at Disney go back to using the money-making classic characters.  The problem is that while the Disney-creatives are indeed using these characters now, they simply have no idea how to do anything with them other than deconstruct them, or failing that entomb them in memberberries.

Evil cannot create, it can only mock.

NEXT

Dear Baby Boomers, we at Disney know that you are probably starting to worry about the possibility that you might not be able to spend all your money before you die.

We understand how difficult it was to sell the farm that had been in your family for four generations so you could have that Porsche as well as a 30 ft boat. Your Mom and Dad worked hard to give you the kind of opportunities that your children will never have. You owe it your long-gone parents to make sure that you get the most enjoyment possible for yourself out of the wealth they left you.  

We can appreciate the kind of unfair pressure your son has put you under when he asked for your help in buying a fifty-year-old tractor for that homestead he’s building for your grandchildren.

In your deepest heart, you know that, now, is not the time to plant Walnut trees that you will never live to see. 

You owe it to yourself to think more about yourself than ever before.

And Disney has got you covered Fam.

Rancho Mirage California is going to the site for our first Disney-planned community.  Okay, technically not our first but there is no way in hell you can afford to live in Golden Oak, at Disney World. So let’s just say COTINO is our first, cool?

There was a mad grandeur to Walt Disney’s original plans for EPCOT.  Realistically, death spared him from a project that would have been an epic disaster of unearthly proportions.  But that said, EPCOT was a big dream.

Storyliving by Disney just feels shoddy to me.  I know how it started. Florida is littered with retirement communities but northwest of Disney World is The Villages.  And I personally find that place about as creepy as the Village from the Prisoner.   But it’s Boomer paradise for one reason, they can divorce themselves from the world they created and just live in a bubble society of Boomers.

And they have money.  

All that money being spent an hour away from Disney is unbearable to Mickey the Great and Terrible.  So, they came up with their own version of Rancho Relaxo, promising the same kind of service you get from castmembers at Disney World.

Except they won’t.  Here’s the thing that Chapek doesn’t seem to realize about the castmembers despite having been their big boss for seven years; they want to work at Disney World.  They sure as hell don’t want to work for a bunch of spoiled, crabby, horny Boomers.  One thing that doesn’t get advertised about the Villages is its notorious swinger scene and ridiculously out-of-the-box rate of STDs. 

Well, if Disney wants to drop the mask, why should I care.

NEXT

Disney decided the only hope for the Star Wars Galactic Cruiser was to release another video.

So yeah, hot damn, it’s going to be for Last Jedi fans. That is now confirmed.

Also, the commercial lied. No R2 units allowed. The lawyers said so. If a kid trips over one or worse, a robot knocks over a wheelchair you’ve got an instant lawsuit.

There are now dance lessons for a dance that they choreographed for this thing because isn’t dancing the first thing that comes to mind when we think about Star Wars?

And then there is the storytime meet-up with the cruise director so you can talk about all of the… I don’t know… Fun? You had? You can take your drink with you, but that drink like everything surrounding you, ain’t free.

They are also running into a problem with passenger garb. They want the customers to wear costumes but they pretty much need it to be the costumes Disney sells becasue in 2022 Ba’al only knows what people will wear if you give them the choice. A 300 pound black man in a Princess Leia slave bikini? You know it will happen. Which means they are going to have to require people to only wear Diseny costumes.

Normally forcing people to spend money would be a delight for Mickey the Great and Terrible but this things biggest problem remains cancelations. They just sent out a survey and one of the questions was indeed, are you planning ot cancel? Which I find shocking on a Disney Parks survey.

This expieriance is on track to be the biggest disaster in the history of Disney Parks.

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Talk about what you want in the comments but it has to be related to pop culture.